Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

you die and the devil says he'll let you go to heaven if you beat him in a game. the devil sits you down at a round table. he gives himself and you a huge pile of quarters. he says "ok, we'll take turns putting quarters down, no overlapping allowed, and the quarters must rest on the table surface. the first guy who can't put a quarter down loses." you guys are about to start playing, and the devil says that he'll go first. however, at this point you immediately interject, and ask if you can go first instead. you make this interjection because you are very smart, and you know that if you go first, you can guarantee victory. explain how you can guarantee victory

2006-07-19 09:07:24 · 6 answers · asked by The Answerer 2

who ever guesses first gets best!

2006-07-19 09:03:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

2006-07-19 09:01:00 · 9 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-07-19 08:45:54 · 12 answers · asked by mocarose 2

THE WORD MUST BE SPELLED OUT IN ORDER.

2006-07-19 08:32:55 · 19 answers · asked by jfmm 7

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Coz it was dead.
Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree?
Coz it was dead.
Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree?
Coz it thought the other two were playing a game, and copied them.
Why did the elephant die?
Coz 3 monkeys fell on it's head.

2006-07-19 08:29:25 · 19 answers · asked by Dawnyyyyy bub 1

2006-07-19 08:20:41 · 5 answers · asked by poetchicka2 2

it doesn't have to be the entrie joke. it can be the punch line or just whatever made the situation funny to u

2006-07-19 08:18:09 · 6 answers · asked by crazygreeniis 3

2006-07-19 08:13:40 · 5 answers · asked by Giggly Giraffe 7

I live above a star, and yet I never burn
I have eleven neighbors, and yet none of them turn
I'm visited in sequence, first, last or in between
My initials are P, R, S (and sometimes Q)
Now tell me what I mean.

2006-07-19 08:10:37 · 8 answers · asked by dgoodnight3001 2

2006-07-19 08:03:14 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette. Her friend asks her: "What are you doing?!?" So she replies: "I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom"
So her friend asks: "What’s a condom? Where did you get it?" So she says: "At the pharmacy" So the next day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom. The clerk asks: "What size?"
So she replies: "I dunno, one that will fit a camel"

2006-07-19 08:02:06 · 16 answers · asked by colorist 6

"And then there was this dyslexic insomniac agnostic who stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog."

2006-07-19 08:01:19 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

jokes about anything really
please and thank u-

I'm bored and upset

2006-07-19 07:51:53 · 9 answers · asked by 1 5

2006-07-19 07:51:22 · 9 answers · asked by Durable_22 1

2006-07-19 07:46:08 · 6 answers · asked by Jayvirsinh M 1

2006-07-19 07:33:06 · 4 answers · asked by Arnold 4

2006-07-19 07:28:30 · 6 answers · asked by Giggly Giraffe 7

2006-07-19 07:20:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

The one who can guess my birthday first will get ten points. I am a Libra.

2006-07-19 07:06:18 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.

2006-07-19 07:05:55 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

A newyorker and a redneck were in the woods hunting together
when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across their path,
totally nude.
"Would I love to eat that? Hell, yes! the newyorker said,
smacking his lips.
So the redneck shot her.

2006-07-19 07:05:45 · 14 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

1. My children come from eggs, though they are fed on milk.

My gait resembles a lizard, but I surely am warmblooded. I am an expert swimmer because my feet are webbed, and my tail is a broad flat paddle. Yet, I still have claws, and my legs contain venom, whilst my tail is also a food store. My mouth looks like a duck though I cannot quack, and my voice growls like a dog. I am a most ingenious paradox.

2. A precipitation of weather comes your way. The solution - add a "d" and it will run away.

3. Minerals are found in me. And I am found in minerals too.

4. My bark is worse than my bite, though I have no mouth.
Graceful shadows play on the ground near my feet every evening.
Thick, gnarled arms have I, twisting up and about. I am garbed in jade and placed next to a cerulean sky. Wind tosses my hands about and howls through me at night. My heart is softer and smoother than my exterior. My influence is far spread and sometimes devastating.

2006-07-19 06:59:47 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

it isn't a ? i just want to know how many people will put something there. oh and it's my birthday today. i am haveing a Danish celebration.

2006-07-19 06:54:23 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

and will tell me

2006-07-19 06:42:31 · 9 answers · asked by hotstuff 2

2006-07-19 06:40:23 · 29 answers · asked by slushie... 2

2006-07-19 06:38:17 · 11 answers · asked by slushie... 2

a girl went to sleep and was dreaming that she was wearing $500.00 antique clear shoes that was her mothers shoes.her mother told her to never ever touch those speacial heels.well she went to her best friends b-day party with those shoes one. at the party they were being robbed and it was kinda like a ''house party stick-up''. the robbers cleared out the house with all the vauble items. including the girls clear heels. she was in tears because she knew that she wasn't suppose to have them. in the end where are her mothers shoes? i know,....stupid riddle.

2006-07-19 06:35:13 · 10 answers · asked by nikki -nicole 3

I'll give the 10 points to the last one that asks for them...and of course another 2 just for answering

2006-07-19 06:14:00 · 25 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

Was coming round to see us................ the rats would throw themselves on the traps.

2006-07-19 06:08:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous