Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

JUST A JOKE

2006-07-19 14:29:44 · 4 answers · asked by brandie m 1

1st right 10 points

2006-07-19 14:21:45 · 13 answers · asked by penguin_king_99 2

or that someone has pulled on you

2006-07-19 14:21:21 · 7 answers · asked by blodgettboy24 1

A woman is getting married for the fourth time.

She tells her fiance,"You know I have been married
three times and I have never had sex."

He says,"Look, there is no way!
Married three times and never had sex? I don't
quite understand."

She explains, "The first husband was a scientist.
All he wanted to do was look at it and study it,
look at it and study it."

"My second husband was a psychologist. All he
wanted to do was look at it and talk about it,
look at it and talk about it."

"My third husband was a stamp collector.
Damn, I miss that man!"

2006-07-19 14:16:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-19 13:59:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can I waterproof regular matches without having to use wax or nail polish? Is there any other way? And no, I'm not just going to buy them and spend 10 times the price.

2006-07-19 13:54:03 · 6 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

You push your car up to a hotel and pay the owner some money. The car doesn't run on petrol and there are no rooms in the hotel. First one to get the correct answer gets the best answer points. :)

2006-07-19 13:52:58 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

You can unscrew the lightbulb.

2006-07-19 13:42:39 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. help desk people tell you how to do it, hang up the phone, and laugh at you eith their co-workers
2. firemen do it with a big hose
3. crooks do it with a gun in their pocket
4. telelmarketers do it with their mouths
5. physicists do it with a big bang
6. pet shop owners do it with hamsters
7. consultants tell you how to do it, charge you a fortune, but never actually do it themselves
8. spies do it undercover
9. statisticians are 95% confident that they do it
10. hackers do it with bugs
11. mortgage bankers do it with interest
12. radia operaters do it with frequency
13. blondes do it with anyone
14. bolfers do it in 18 holes
15. deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure
16. radio DJs do it on request

2006-07-19 13:19:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

for camping out

2006-07-19 13:18:23 · 11 answers · asked by cheesepoofer182 2

You may choose the question, I just need you final answer, Please?

2006-07-19 13:16:40 · 19 answers · asked by ••Mott•• 6

Lets See what you can think of.....

2006-07-19 13:16:33 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

MY question: What would be 1 word that means all of this:
shy, sweet, nice, and smart



POsted this up in jokes & riddles cause there will be more answers.


Most creative word gets the 10 pts.

MAke a list if possible.

This is for my friend. She wants a yahoo id. Needs a word that means shy, nice, friend, sweet, and smart.

2006-07-19 13:11:26 · 6 answers · asked by Smile =]™ 4

a battery has a positive side

2006-07-19 13:08:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need some good funny jokes. Thanks!

2006-07-19 13:05:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

ANYTHING GOOD.

2006-07-19 13:01:01 · 3 answers · asked by cheesepoofer182 2

2006-07-19 12:56:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

try and knock my sock off.

2006-07-19 12:44:04 · 11 answers · asked by Sweet EL 2

you are told tomorrow is your last day on planet earth, you may live your day as normal, but you tell what your biggest regret is. (i.e something you did not do, or something you said)

2006-07-19 12:41:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

I told myself that God had forgotten me...
After a lifetime of pain and nights filled with loneliness
He had no one for me to love
Just move on, it will be ok.
And then I met you.
I knew it was all wrong,
But I looked into your beautiful eyes... and I let you in...
Into my heart, into my family, into my home.
You gave me hope when I had none.
You took my hand and let me think about
A life with a man who will always love me....

I hid my love when young till I
Couldn't bear the buzzing of a fly;
I hid my love to my despite
Till I could not bear to look at light:
I dare not gaze upon her face
But left her memory in each place;
Where eer I saw a wild flower lie
I kissed and bade my love good bye.

2006-07-19 12:35:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-19 12:35:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

this is about a little girl whose gold fish died.
Neighbour: Morning Nancy!!!whatare you doing there????
Nancy: *sob* my goldfish just died and im buring it.
Neighbour: Ha! Ha! you silly girl.that whole is far too big for a goldfish.
Nancy: thats because he is inside your F**king cat!!!!!!!

tell me what u think

2006-07-19 12:30:48 · 36 answers · asked by islandchick 1

A prisoner in solitary confinement spent three years training a beetle to do stunts.
Wheh he thought the beetle was up to a performance he said to the guard who brought his dinner, "Watch this" and let the beetle out of his little matchbox.
The guard said "Yeah, there's a lot of those about" and squashed it flat.

2006-07-19 12:25:24 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Kiss that is.

H to the IzZo.

Peace to everybody.

2006-07-19 12:21:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

An elderly couple goes to bed. After a few minutes, the old man cuts a fart and says, "seven points." a few minutes later, the wife lets one rip and says, "touchdown! Tie score." So the old man blasts another and says, "tied! I'm ahead 14 to seven." the wife again breaks wind and says, "It's good! Tie game." The old geezer tries but can't muster another fart. He waits a few moments and then decides to give it everything he's got, but there's an awful wet sound. The wife asks, "What the hell was that?" old man says halftime switch sides.

2006-07-19 12:14:57 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the day;

I have no idea what the formula for success is, but I do know the guaranteed recipe for failure; try to freaking please everybody!

-  It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.

-  The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.

-  Never be afraid to slow down.

-  Only Bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.

-  Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory.

-  Never ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.

-  If it takes more than 3 bolts to hold it on, it's probably crucial.

-  Anything that shows up on more than 2 bikes is a FAD.

-  Remember that you will be judged by the Horse you rode in on.

-  Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.

-  Pie and Coffee are as important as gasoline.

-  The number of kicks it takes to start your bike is directly proportional to the number of spectators.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-19 12:11:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-19 12:09:07 · 17 answers · asked by Ergohead 1

2006-07-19 11:55:13 · 29 answers · asked by Ergohead 1

There were 10 guys who wanted to become priests, and a clergy-man sets up a test for them. So the 10 guys had to strip off naked and sit on a chair. They each had one end of rope attached to their penis and above them were 10 pulleys, so they each had the other end of rope attached to their pulley. Along with the pulleys was a bell.

So the idea of the test was that the clergy-man would introduce this really gorgeous lap-dancer to the men. Her name's Erica and her role was to sexually dance around each man. While she does this, none of the men should get an erection, otherwise the bell would ring and this would prove to show that they've failed the test and miss their chance for becoming a priest.

Erica makes a start dancing around the first man. She sexually dances around him to try and please him. After a minute, no bell rings, so he hasn't got an erection. She carries on with the other men and still the same results as the first man. When she approached the last man...

2006-07-19 11:51:57 · 27 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

2006-07-19 11:47:13 · 20 answers · asked by Ergohead 1