Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

http://www.pappywishbone.com/Redneck-Novelties/Pappys-Redneck-Rubber/

2006-07-19 20:40:47 · 31 answers · asked by wilsonallstar22 1

check this out, this is funny, I just bought a set

http://www.pappywishbone.com/Redneck-Novelties/Pappys-Redneck-Horseshoes/

2006-07-19 20:33:59 · 10 answers · asked by bravomikeee 1

anwer: because it was pissed off

2006-07-19 20:33:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A very frustrated man visits his doctor. "Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe anything..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."

"I don't know, doc. She's awfully cold."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um... okay." He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee.

2006-07-19 20:29:48 · 15 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

my friend bought this for her boyfriend and said he could use it for his mouth... she's pissed at him

http://www.pappywishbone.com/Redneck-Novelties/Pappys-Redneck-Douche/

2006-07-19 20:21:51 · 10 answers · asked by taquitoville 2

Why did the burglar get caught?
Why did the woman get pregnant?
Why the tooth is in pain?
Why did the tapioca harden?......

2006-07-19 20:21:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

My friend likes to hook me up on blind dates or blind double dates. I really didnt want to go to this one coming up on saturday, but she weezled me into it, do you think these would be funny? would I be able to pull it off?? I wanna buy these and see...

2006-07-19 20:11:59 · 14 answers · asked by taquitoville 2

2006-07-19 20:04:42 · 6 answers · asked by Rajesh j 1

"I'm going away on holiday next week," the Lenny Conundrum Lenny says, "but I put this puzzle together a few weeks ago to keep you occupied while I'm gone. In fact, the solution to the puzzle is the actual destination of my holiday!"

And he shows you a scrap of paper with this written on it:

170: 251 - 121 + 441 - 340 + 130 - 113 + 409 - 253 + 130 - 181 + 297 - 149 + 081 - 088 + 467 - 059 + 306 - 229 + 345 - 351 + 117 - 047 + 353 - 216 + 401 - 147




Where will lenny be going next week?

2006-07-19 20:02:07 · 11 answers · asked by cocomademoiselle 5

a man over 65 years old. My granny told me that one.

2006-07-19 19:55:42 · 12 answers · asked by guvner_46 3

2006-07-19 19:52:22 · 17 answers · asked by fzaa3's lover 4

Last time we saw this riddle:

Why is the pony unable to sing?
A: Because it's a little hoarse!

Heheh.. And Today's Riddle:

Why was the zombie so happy when he was found guilty of murder?

Have fun! :)

2006-07-19 19:30:43 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Dormitory…Dirty Room
Evangelist…Evil’s Agent
Desperation…A rope ends it
Alec Guinness…Genuine class
Semolina…Is no meal
The Public Art Galleries….Large picture halls, I bet
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA…TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

2006-07-19 19:00:16 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

&hears;
It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put
him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be
swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake
your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you
shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's
done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open
wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead
and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause
you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper,
you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and
you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you
concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled
with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go on. He begins
moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting
within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have
it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tell you, with a
chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding
experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your
first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! What were you
thinking'?
♥

2006-07-19 18:58:10 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Whoever's most creative gets the points!

2006-07-19 18:52:19 · 17 answers · asked by Christine 3

You use a knife to slice my head and weep beside me when I am dead. What am I?

2006-07-19 18:34:10 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.aaronbertrand.com/voodoo/bush_as_woman.jpg

http://www.bluemaven.net/DickCheney.jpg

2006-07-19 18:32:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

it's going on a video

2006-07-19 18:28:37 · 9 answers · asked by Smeagle 2

Mwuahahhahahhah.

Sin feels so good.

H to the IzZo.

Peace and night night

2006-07-19 18:20:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

He Lost Face. LOL

2006-07-19 18:16:49 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

My son is in love with knock-knock jokes...he keeps telling the same one....boo, boo-who? Why you crying? Any other ones I can get him interested in?

2006-07-19 18:16:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A secretary walked into her boss's office & said,
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."

"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he
complained. "Tell me some good news for once"

"All right. Here's some good news," said the
secretary. "You're not sterile!"

2006-07-19 18:11:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these hens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM! - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Damn it... third gay rooster I bought this month."

http://home.pacific.net.sg/~frankong/jokes3.htm

2006-07-19 17:59:17 · 8 answers · asked by san_pellegrino 4

2006-07-19 17:55:21 · 24 answers · asked by -curbside- 4

X is impossible for God. X is above God. X is more important than love. The rich needs X. The poor has X. If we eat X, we die. It's a 7 letter word. What is X?

1st to get the correct answer, gets 10 points!

2006-07-19 17:50:22 · 16 answers · asked by lilac 3

2006-07-19 17:50:11 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied...

2006-07-19 17:48:33 · 13 answers · asked by sistah2sista 1

... what is your joke for this?

2006-07-19 17:42:33 · 5 answers · asked by R C 3

A baseball is tossed in the air, wich takes longer, the flight goin up, or it drop back down?

2006-07-19 17:34:31 · 9 answers · asked by reddogcudda 3

A woman owns 10 female dogs, every one of the dogs has had
as many as 10.
does that mean that at least 2 of the dogs have had
the same number of pups?

2006-07-19 17:32:54 · 7 answers · asked by reddogcudda 3