Anyone have any good jokes they want to share?

Question

jokes about anything really
please and thank u-

I'm bored and upset

Answer 1

Grave Truth

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."

Answer 2

OK this one is pretty long and I'm not copy pasting it so u better give me ten points =)

OK so the story goes...Threes this bus driver and he is going to pick up these elderly people from retirement home and so they all get in and hes bringing them shopping or something. So he drops them at the supermarket he waits in the parking lot and like 1 hour later all the people get back in. so as hes driving along and old lady sitting in the front row taps him on the shoulder and offers him a hand full of peanuts and the bus driver in hungry so he gratefully takes the peanuts. the old lady taps him on the shoulder again 10 minutes latter and gives him some more...and so on about 3 more times...the Lady tapes his shoulder again and offers him some more and he finally asks why do you keep giving me these she say oh sonny becasu ei dont have any teeth i cant eat peanuts, "than why do you buy them?" he asks "oh she says me and my friends jsut like to lick the chocolate off"

Answer 3

Check this one, I hope you will like it :................


There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral s e x she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral s e x she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

Answer 4

Sick In Church

A little girl and her mother were in church when the girl started to feel ill.
"Mommy, can we leave now?" asked the girl.

"No." replied Mom.

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

"Well go out the front door, walk around the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

A few moments later the girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" asked Mom.

"Yes."

"How could you have gone all the way around the church, throw up and be back here so soon?"

"I didn't even have to go outside. They have a box right by the front door that says 'for the sick'."

Answer 5

Joke haha

Answer 6

I went into my local butchers today, and I bet the butcher £20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...

...he said "no, the steaks are too high"

haha!

Answer 7

How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, let the b*tch cook in the dark!

Answer 8

WELL this one is in Punjabi , i dont knw if u understand punjabi, but neways here it goes'

thr was a sardar n he was really unhappy .

y


coz, '' Inne saalon baad munda hoya , aur woh bhi mona'''

Answer 9

What did the moron have 4 breakfast?

What?

This morning you had ham and eggs