Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

"They are all blondes, but two, all brunettes, but two, and all redheads, but two." How many daughters did he have?

2006-07-29 17:55:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?

When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil

2006-07-29 17:49:24 · 4 answers · asked by jussmessin 2

http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/05/03/the_one_question_iq_test.htm





The One Question I.Q. Test
by SixWise.com

Here is a one question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day:

There is a mute man who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is completed.

Now, there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses. How should he express himself? Think about it first and then scroll down for the answer ...













































































































































































































































He should open his mouth and say, "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses."

If you got this wrong, perhaps it's time to pack up your things, turn off your computer and call it a day. :)

2006-07-29 17:47:39 · 13 answers · asked by Smegma Stigma 4

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?

Scared the hell out of the dog.

2006-07-29 17:40:38 · 15 answers · asked by jussmessin 2

(e-mail me if no one gets it) ok.. there was this old widow who wanted to get married. so the next day she put an ad in the paper saying im looking for a man who would not beat me, would not runaway, and is good in bed. a few days later someone rang the door bell. she opened the door and a man in a wheel chair who had no arms or legs sat there and she said,"can i help you?" the man sed, " im here in response to your ad" she sed,"would you beat me?" , " no of course not i dont have any arms", then she sed,"would you run away?" , he replied with," no i couldnt, i havent got any legs. then she said,"are you good in bed?" he said."i rang the door bell didnt i?". how did he ring the door bell.

2006-07-29 17:39:31 · 22 answers · asked by princesskd 2

please help me to make some humorous definitions of these things so that some one may laugh on it.
for example a dentist: person who extracts ur teeth and money.

2006-07-29 17:36:11 · 5 answers · asked by aditya 2

A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

2006-07-29 17:30:08 · 15 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

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2006-07-29 17:27:20 · 7 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-07-29 17:17:48 · 13 answers · asked by dncrgrl1293 1

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

2006-07-29 17:10:48 · 9 answers · asked by jussmessin 2

2006-07-29 17:07:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

if a horse is born in tennessee, raised in california, got sick in kentucky, and died in florida where was it buried???? try that

2006-07-29 17:01:59 · 15 answers · asked by Puddles 3

Questions and Answers

Q: WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius

Q: WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
A: They don't have enough time

Q: WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
A: They don't stop for directions

Q: WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

Q: WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in

Q: WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
A: They're intended for children but men usually end up playing with them

Q: WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock

Q: WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties

Q: WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
A: You need a rough draft before you make a final copy

Q: HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
A: Nobody knows, since it has never happened

Q: ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument.
A: Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

2006-07-29 16:57:39 · 8 answers · asked by Rick 7

No legs have I to dance,
No lungs have I to breathe,
No life have I to live or die
And yet I do all three.
What am I?

2006-07-29 16:56:14 · 10 answers · asked by jussmessin 2

2006-07-29 16:51:53 · 10 answers · asked by Katie 2

(p)= the problem logged by pilot
(S)= the solution and the action taken by the maintenance engineers

(P) left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) test flight ok, except autoland very rough
(S) autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal. # 1,3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) something loose in cockpit
(S) something tightened in cockpit

(P) evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) volume set to more believable level

(P) dead bugs on windshield
(S) live bugs on backorder

(P) autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in off mode

(P) friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) that’s what they’re there for!

(P) #3 engine missing
(S) engine found on right wing after a brief search

(P) aircraft handles funny
(S) aircraft warned to straightened up, ‘fly right’ and be serious

(P) target radio hums
(S) reprogrammed target radar with the words

2006-07-29 16:40:46 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did you all hear of that cruise ship off florida coast that almost tiped over?
They said human error....
Real reason they were having a debate and someone asked all liberal left wing democrats to go yo port side of ship. Then it almost tiped over.

2006-07-29 16:36:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

They both have boys underware half off

2006-07-29 16:24:54 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-29 16:20:01 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Kick his sister in the jaw.

2006-07-29 16:13:44 · 12 answers · asked by D 2

2006-07-29 15:59:48 · 7 answers · asked by falloutboyrock48 1

A deaf mute walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.
He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist,
and cannot see condoms on shelf. Frustrated, the
deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his
dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar
bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as
the deaf mute, and then picks up both bills and
stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf
mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in
sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford
to lose, you shouldn't bet."

2006-07-29 15:59:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-29 15:57:04 · 13 answers · asked by ? 6

Mine is : Britney Spears is driving her new Hummer , and she hits some one and says "Oops , I did it again" .

2006-07-29 15:55:03 · 5 answers · asked by Spider Pig aka Tyrone Biggums 3

2006-07-29 15:53:45 · 11 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-07-29 15:53:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was 2 midgets in a hotel room on a long trip away from home...So they went to the hotel bar and had a few drinks, joked, chatted and went back to their rooms...So the midgets get bored and calls 2 hookers over...They get there and the midgets go to their separate rooms...So the 1st midget was talkin to his hooker...Things got heated...But he was so drunk he couldn't get it up...So he sent his hooker home...He wanted to see what his friend was doin in the room next door so he got a glass, put it up to the door and listened in and all he heard was..."1...2...UHHH...1...2...UHHHHHHHHHhhh...1...2...UHHHHHH..
He took the glass from the door and said...Wow...

So the next mornin they both met up at the bar for breakfast...The 2nd midget asked the 1st midget how his night went...He said..."Man I had to send my hooker home I couldn't get it up...But it sounds like you were havin a blast..." So the 2nd midget says..."What are you talkin about I couldn't even get in the bed...

1...2...Uhh

2006-07-29 15:52:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Fisherman's Love Poem

I wake up in the morning and I grab my pole
And take down to that fishy smelling hole
You know that snapper wants to hurt my little worm
But that big ole nasty fishy got a deadly germ

Once my line is in the hole and good and wet
You know that my landing a whopper is a sure bet
So I plant my feet and take an extra tight grip on my rod
Because if I fall in this fishy hole I’ll be praying to god

So I’m rocking back and forth and my pole’s starting to bend
And reeling and releasing if my rod snaps it’s the end
But my line went limp just when I thought the battle had been lost
And I fell on my back and my equipment had all been fish sauced

The moral of the story is like making a wish
If you don’t want you fingers and hands to smell like a fish
I’ll make it real simple but you’ll get the gist
No matter how tempted, keep your rod in your fist

2006-07-29 15:50:12 · 11 answers · asked by ? 6

I keep seeing her name pop up - kind of like the same way parents used to warn their children about the bogeyman......you know, be good or the bogeyman will get you!

2006-07-29 15:45:37 · 11 answers · asked by wondering 3

my sis told me about him
she said he was funny
i guess he always wore drag but wasnt gay

does anyone know where i can get some of his stuff like audio of him

2006-07-29 15:35:32 · 5 answers · asked by Xavier 2