Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

A guy goes to the movies one day, and in
the front row there's an old man. With
him was his dog. It was a sad, funny kind
of film. You know the type. In the sad
part the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part the dog laughed his head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended the
guy decides to go and speak to the man.

"That's the most amazing thing I've ever
seen," he said. "Your dog really seemed
to enjoy the film."

The man turned. "Yeah, it really is
amazing, because he hated the book."

2006-06-29 20:44:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

and if you eat it youll die?

2006-06-29 20:40:45 · 24 answers · asked by lisa l 3

Saint Peter, was sitting behind a desk on front of the gates of
heaven, getting ready to start his day.
"May the first person come." He said

"Hello, Saint Peter." said the first person.

"State you name and tell me how you spent your life." he said.

"Oh Saint Peter, I am a nun, who spent her life helping those in
need, and serving the Lord."

"Here is a golden key, it will open the Gates of Heaven."

And off the nun went.

"Next." said Saint Peter. "How did you spend your life."

"I spent my life like a normal human being." another woman said. "I
told some lies, white lies here and there. But nothing serious."

"Here I give you a Silver Key. It is for the Pulgatory. You may go
now." he said. "Next. Tell me, how did you lived your life?"

"Oh Saint Peter, my life was spent on parties, with a different man
every day. I loved a good dance, drinking, and having a different man
every night. You might call me a creature of the night."

2006-06-29 20:32:40 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-06-29 20:23:25 · 12 answers · asked by iluvsoftball 2

2006-06-29 20:12:34 · 14 answers · asked by Zebra 2

That if you drink diet coke and eat a menthos... you will explode?

2006-06-29 20:09:10 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general ... and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

2006-06-29 20:05:16 · 8 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-06-29 19:45:19 · 15 answers · asked by jessygalvin 2

A: When your done with the breasts and the legs youve got a greasy box for your bones.

2006-06-29 19:37:06 · 9 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

Previously, we had this riddle:

What do you call a archer that is famous?
A: A shooting star!

Heheh... did you guess robin hood? lol. Ok. Time for today's riddle:

What kind of bird is strong enough to lift a 2ton truck?

Good luck and have fun!

2006-06-29 19:33:11 · 7 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-06-29 19:24:18 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

When i wa sin 5th grade, we would take some time to talk about the mysterious story of the flamingo soup. Something about a guy walking into a restaraunt, ordering Flamingo soup, walking outside and shooting himself. I think it was because the flamingo ate his wife alive and he knew he was eating her?

2006-06-29 19:19:43 · 1 answers · asked by mrxxbrian 2

Mary is Simon's mother, Mary is the what of Simon's Mother?

2006-06-29 19:15:25 · 11 answers · asked by mp3juz4u 1

That is all I have. No other question. Help

2006-06-29 19:11:03 · 9 answers · asked by John N 1

this is a really cool joke i'll give you the answer tomorrow

2006-06-29 19:06:45 · 4 answers · asked by grey_eye@rogers.com 2

A three legged dog hobbles down from the mountain, across the desert scrub, all the way through town and swings past the barroom door and says, "Which one of you son of a guns shot my paw?"

2006-06-29 18:59:51 · 7 answers · asked by Love of Truth 5

How fo u get this photo onthe left hand side of ur name

2006-06-29 18:55:16 · 3 answers · asked by kool tanya 1

2006-06-29 18:43:10 · 13 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

It's a kids thing!

ok this is my song............. ok, here it goes...............

"miss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell"

"miss Lucy went to heaven and the steamboat went to______ "hello" operator give me number 9"

"and if u disconnect me I'll cut off your ______

"behind the refrigerator there was a piece of glass"

"miss Lucy sat upon it and broke her big fat____

"ask me no more questions I'll tell you no more lies"

"but, if you brake the promise, I'll give you purple eyes"!!!!!!! like it?? (*_*)

2006-06-29 18:35:29 · 16 answers · asked by ... 3

A lesbian walked into a brothel and asked for a 14 year old girl.She was thrown out because it's managements policy not to serve minor to lickers.

2006-06-29 18:30:15 · 9 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

This is a very old riddle told to me by my father a million years ago. It took adults a loooooooog time to figure it out...very confusing, but fun. Your parents may have heard it a long time ago. Good luck.

2006-06-29 18:21:48 · 33 answers · asked by Nunya B 2

A drunk walks up to a bartender and offers him a bet for $500 that he can pee in a shot glass on the bar while blind folded.The bartender seeing some easy money accepts,puts a shot glass on the bar and blindfolds the drunk who unzips his pants and soon pees all over the bar and the bartender,but not a drop landed in the glass.The bartender,laughing hysterically at the easy $500 he had just made,couldnt help to notice that the drunk didnt seem upset over losing so much money,so he asked him why.Upset?said the drunk,Why would I be upset,I bet MY buddy $5000 I could piss on you and your bar and you would laugh about it!

2006-06-29 18:21:06 · 8 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

ok ill give 10 points to the first person who gets this right.

sitting on a fork in the road there is an angel and a demon, both look identical and each are blocking one side of the fork. one path leads to heaven(the one behind the angel) and the other path leads to hell(the demons side). you can ask one of them a single question. the angel will always tell you the truth, and the demon will always tell you a lie. what question do you ask to figure out which side leads to heaven and which leads to hell?

2006-06-29 18:13:10 · 31 answers · asked by thenextiommi 3

I m a 13 letter word _h_t_ _ _i_ _me_.
Doctor hate me, Fishermen's like me, Kids love to eat me,
Who am I ? Challenge for u pals......

2006-06-29 18:10:36 · 7 answers · asked by sweety 1

If you have two buckets, one with red paint and the other with blue paint, and you take one cup from the blue bucket and poor it into the red bucket. Then you take one cup from the red bucket and poor it into the blue bucket. Which bucket has the highest ratio between red and blue? Prove it mathematically.

2006-06-29 17:51:50 · 11 answers · asked by Katzeyes 2

i just got prank called and they had it restricted.. how do i unrestrict it so i can call them back?

2006-06-29 17:51:31 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you like scrubs, you'll know the answer.

2006-06-29 17:42:55 · 33 answers · asked by Bells 1

There were no studs and nothing got nailed,it was all tounge and groove.

2006-06-29 17:16:35 · 10 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

to donate my toy car for Snakes.....but how will they drive it ????

2006-06-29 17:15:03 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blind man goes to a bar. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir,I think it is only fair… given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight-lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “Nah…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

2006-06-29 17:09:11 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6