Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

please forgive the blonde reference i mean no offense feel free to replace it with brunette..

A blonde secretary in Pennsylvania decides she want to try
horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior
experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately
springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but
the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides
down the side the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip,
the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to
safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she
is now at the mercy of the horse's rhythmic up and down motion as her head is struck
against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank the Wal-Mart
Greeter sees her and unplugs the horse.

2006-06-27 09:08:36 · 12 answers · asked by christine 3

2006-06-27 08:52:31 · 5 answers · asked by ? 4

What is a bell that does not ring, but it still makes the angels sing?

2006-06-27 08:43:53 · 14 answers · asked by Carrie P 3

2006-06-27 08:43:03 · 8 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-06-27 08:32:49 · 11 answers · asked by godrocks223 3

Well there was a Middle Fingerd man from seattle, he had two hands, but only one finger on each. his middle finger. So when he goes anywhere, and he raises his hand, people say " stop Flicking me off, or giveing me the bird" He says " I was just trying to get your attention" he says "oh well didnt you hear i flick ppl of for no reason, bc im the middle fingerd Man! hahhahhahhahah

2006-06-27 08:28:55 · 20 answers · asked by Master Hoyle 3

2006-06-27 08:13:52 · 17 answers · asked by preety 1

2006-06-27 08:10:21 · 6 answers · asked by LittleBuddy579 2

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.

She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and
said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was
no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his
costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain
and as it was still early, she decided to go the party.

In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she
thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how
he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and
copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled
up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his
partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had
just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her
husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she
agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home
and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of
explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a
time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have
a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got
there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into
the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to
believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."

2006-06-27 08:10:14 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

He manages to survive for several years by eating fruit, catching fish but best of all digging for clams. His favourite thing was, every evening without fail, he would dig for clams.

Then one evening when he was about nineteen, he was about to start digging for clams. A beautiful young girl was laying washed up on the beach. They exchanged each of their reasons for being on the island. He told about his passion for diggigg for clams. She was amazed that he had survived so long

As he was a very handsome young man she asked what he had done all this time about sex? He innocently replied that he didn't know what that was. she offered to show him and he accepted.

After, as they lay side by side on the beach, she asked what he thought about sex.
He said " It was great but--------
LOOK WHAT YOU DONE TO MY CLAM DIGGER!!!!"

2006-06-27 08:07:44 · 11 answers · asked by bill M 1

please and thank you!! : )

2006-06-27 08:03:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Moods of a woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

The Moods of a Man

Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.

2006-06-27 08:02:46 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Thanks! :)

2006-06-27 08:02:09 · 4 answers · asked by JenniT 6

2006-06-27 08:00:44 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4

The cop walks up to the car and the driver rolls down his window and asks "Is there a problem officer?". The cop smacks him in the face and snarls "I expect you to have your license and registration ready." The driver takes out his liscense and registration and hands it to the cop. The cop looks over it and hands it back to him, then smacks him in the face again. "What was that for?!?" asks the driver. The cop tells him "I expect you to say thank you". The cop then walks around and taps on the passengers window. The passenger rolls down the window and is greeted with a smack in the face. "What are you doing?!?" says the passenger. "Im making your wish come true." says the cop. "What wish?" asks the passenger. The cop tells him "About 100 yards down the road you were going to say I wish that bastard would have tried that with me"
Hahaha tell me what you think.

2006-06-27 07:59:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

So simple, any child can understand, so complex, no atheist can solve!" what's the meaning?

2006-06-27 07:56:26 · 4 answers · asked by ZORRO 3

2006-06-27 07:40:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

i cant help but have inappropraite thoughts...before i knew what a wet willy was, i totally had the wrong idea and took the term literally...so tell me, why is a wet willy called a "wet willy" - because it is clearly a wet ear :S

p.s. dont call me dumb

2006-06-27 07:20:20 · 6 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3

I shooed my cat away from my soda, and then she tuned around, stood up, and kicked it off the table, dancing and singing "Cha cha cha." How do I punish this blatant act of disobedience?

2006-06-27 07:20:17 · 11 answers · asked by Strange Design 5

1)
Hard x Ahead =

2)
Good Last
Good Last

3)
Hands Hands
Hands Hands
Hands Hands
Deck

4)
Sears Tower
Midnight
Orlando Bloom

5)
Me Quit

6)
R R R R
U U U U
O O O O
H H H H

7)
HiOiWiEiR

8)
Schedule Mon. Tue. Wed.

2006-06-27 07:12:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 points for 1st correct answer.
This is an easy one.

2006-06-27 06:58:34 · 17 answers · asked by Nep-Tunes 6

can u give me some words, which will spell the same backwards, when u put the first letter to the word's end..
for example...
Banana,Potato...

2006-06-27 06:56:04 · 12 answers · asked by ???shaant??? 3

She had blonde hair all down her back ,
None on her head just all down her back !!!

2006-06-27 06:55:57 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

i got one......

what did the chinese couple name the retarded baby?...............



*answer*
some-ting-wong!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

2006-06-27 06:50:03 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

I would like to hear funny stories about things that happend to you, or someone you know, or anything. Don't care just as long as it isn't perverted or vulgar.

2006-06-27 06:34:14 · 10 answers · asked by crazychoruschap 2

there are 2 dads and 2 sons they find 3 quarters on the street is there enough quarters for them all? if you figure it out why?

2006-06-27 06:31:45 · 13 answers · asked by *******lover 2

And these magic trick thingys...look, I think they are cool..

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/illusions.shtml

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/magic.shtml

2006-06-27 06:22:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 100 lockers, and 100 students, each student is assigned a locker #1-100. All of the lockers start out closed, and each student goes through and changes the state (opens or closes) of each locker that is a multiple of his locker number. (i.e. locker #1 student will open every locker, while locker #2 student will close every even number locker, because even numbers are a multiple of 2)

At the end, which lockers will be open, and why?

2006-06-27 06:17:00 · 9 answers · asked by booyain 2

2006-06-27 05:55:56 · 48 answers · asked by Sweetheart 1

2006-06-27 05:51:56 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous