Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a large truck. The driver was outraged and was eventually able to make her pull over.
He got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde in his most threatening voice, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
Now he's getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets an extra can of diesel fuel, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

2006-06-27 11:30:27 · 10 answers · asked by chemical 1

c if u can solve this:

the beginning of eternity
the end of time and space
the beginning of every end
the end of every place

do u know wut it is???

2006-06-27 11:27:36 · 54 answers · asked by vv1016 2

and notices a large hole in his block.A bunch of indians came walking up and asked him,Are you having car trouble buddy?He said Yah,"piston broke" The indians said "Yah, us too" and walked away.

2006-06-27 11:24:25 · 7 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

so the redhead takes water and says in case i get thirsty, the brunette takes beanse and says in case i get hungry, and the blond takes a car door and the brunette and redhead ask her why she took a car door and she replied:In case if it gets hot i can roll down the window.

2006-06-27 11:16:06 · 5 answers · asked by Jonalds 2

2006-06-27 11:14:48 · 7 answers · asked by Frank D 2

2006-06-27 11:13:40 · 77 answers · asked by Midnight Dynamo 3

2006-06-27 11:12:09 · 12 answers · asked by *~*Carnival*~*Ride*~* 2

2006-06-27 11:08:30 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-27 11:08:07 · 7 answers · asked by dishwasher67 6

or any other joke long as its clean and funny

2006-06-27 11:01:51 · 13 answers · asked by Bee 4

ive won 6 tickets to see every england game in the world cup for me and 5 mates,,,seein as yr me mate,,,would ya mind putting me bin out for me on friday,,haha well funny !

2006-06-27 11:00:58 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

frog and he said it wasnt just any frog,it was the best p$#!y eating frog in the world.He told her the frog was for sale and sold it to her explaining she needed to strip down,lay on her bed and the frog would do the rest.An hour later she was back wanting her money and saying that the frog did not work at all.The man told her to take him home and show him what she did,and she does.When they get there she strips down,puts the frog between her legs and again it does nothing.The man grabs the frog,slaps it on the dresser and say to it,This is the LAST time I'm showing you.

2006-06-27 10:49:41 · 9 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

do you like dirty jokes or do you think they are stupid? Which ones do you like/dislike?

2006-06-27 10:49:04 · 7 answers · asked by bluejay_all_the_way 3

hey

2006-06-27 10:39:11 · 23 answers · asked by playaninstrument 3

What's the difference between a gynecologist and a proctologist?

2006-06-27 10:37:14 · 13 answers · asked by ashley j 2

Railroad crossing...so look out for cars. Can you spell that with no 'R's?

2006-06-27 10:36:55 · 33 answers · asked by bluejay_all_the_way 3

2006-06-27 10:22:42 · 4 answers · asked by spurs_rock_321 2

1. your twin forgets your birthday
2. you wake up face down on the pavement
3. you see a 60 minutes news team waiting in your office
4. your birthday cake callapses from the weight of the candles
5. you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there wernt any
6. you turn on the tv news and theyre displaying emergncy routes out of your city
7. your doctor tells you, "well i have bad news and good news..."
8. you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads:"wanted: dead or alive"
9. your ex lover calls and tells you he/she has 6 days to live and that you better get yourself tested
10. you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up]
11. you wake up at work naked in front of your coworkers

2006-06-27 10:14:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok, here it is:
If you try to fail, and you succeed, what did you do?
I will let people vote on this one,

2006-06-27 10:10:39 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous

A: A hole in it.

2006-06-27 10:08:47 · 22 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

2006-06-27 10:08:45 · 8 answers · asked by . 3

2006-06-27 10:05:02 · 3 answers · asked by Finnegan 7

1. you could do worse
2. ill work so hard you wont even know im there
3. ill need all my paid annual leave up front so ill be rested when i start
4. you cant turn me down because i smell bad. you have to have a reson
5. that big thing growing on my face isnt my fault
6. i dont do drugs anymore, i swear
7. i can go all day without peeing once
8. i wont sue you when you fire me
9. my arrest record is all a bunch of lies
10. i was a sniper in the army
11. i can make explosives from windex, white out , and photocopier toner
12. you dont have the BALLS to hire someone like me!
13 if you hire me ill shut up. thats all i can promise for sure, but maybe it will be better than that and i will sure try
14. dont go checking into my record. but if you do she swore she was 18
15. i dont hear the voices in my head anymore. do not. do not. do not. SHUT UP!
16. if you give me the job your ok, but if you dont you suck
17. i dont do applications

2006-06-27 09:57:52 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

this question is reserved for the winner of my previous question -- he/she gets extra 10 points. i sacrificed 5 points for this you know.

2006-06-27 09:39:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't
sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you
coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your
nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on
fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking
for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

2006-06-27 09:37:23 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
'No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation

2006-06-27 09:28:59 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

i feel a little down right now... can anyone give me a really good joke and/or anecdotes (funny stories that happened in real life -- this is actually better)
i'll give you 20 points. 10 points if i choose your answer, then i'll post another question and give you another 10 points on top of that. how's that?!

2006-06-27 09:24:55 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

torpedo gun, torpedo gun, torpedo gun, friends with the queen, five tins of odom, up, up, left. Jaws is hungry for blood.

2006-06-27 09:13:50 · 8 answers · asked by Rockstar 6

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 O?clock in the morning,
A resounding noise came form outside...
The woman, sort of bewildered,
Jumps up from the bed and yells at the man
****!, that must be my husband!
So the guy quickly got out of bed , scared, and naked.
He jumped out the window like a crazy man,
Smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush,
Then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.
Just a few minutes later he returns and tells the woman
I'm your husband, you sl*t!!!
So the woman answers- Oh, yeah?!!
And why were you running?!! You son of a bit*h!

2006-06-27 09:12:16 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

1. compliment people on their shoes
2. introduce yourself to the person next to you
3. strike up a conversation
4. provide "strenuous" sound effects
5. ask the person in the next stall if thres anything swimming in their bowl
6. discusss the pros and cons of laxitives
7. scream "oh my god! what the hell is that?
8. simulate a drug deal
9. pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects)
10. roll easter eggs under the doors
11. start a sing a long
12. knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. ask if there busy
13. masquerade as a door to door salesman
14. ask loudly, "when does the movie start?"
15. write "nerdy" graffiti "please wash your hands. thank you."
16. kick the cubicles doors, camera in hand
17. pour water over the cubicle door onto occupant
18. say, "oops missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls
19. fake an orgasm
20. at night, switch off the lights

2006-06-27 09:10:32 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous