get 20 points!! that's right, 20 points! read for more details?

Question

i feel a little down right now... can anyone give me a really good joke and/or anecdotes (funny stories that happened in real life -- this is actually better)
i'll give you 20 points. 10 points if i choose your answer, then i'll post another question and give you another 10 points on top of that. how's that?!

wow! thanks for the feedbacks guys! made me feel better. unfortunately i only have to pick one. maybe i can pick the others with my other questions? hehe... i just feel bad leaving the others with just 2 points when they shared stories just as funny as the winner.

Answer 1

here is something emberasing that hapened to me.

i was at church. the time came when we had to go up and eat this thing and drink this other thing(sorry don't know what it is called!).as i got up to go to the line i let a lady go in front of me. she seemed to be in her 20's.the line was real big so i was swinging my hands front and back, front and back. i was real bored and wished they'de hurry up.suddenly i heard someone call my name.still swinging my hands i turned around to see who it was.as i turned i felt my left hand crash into something. i looked up and saw that my hand had crashed into the lady's behind!!!!! she quickly scooted up as if trying to get away from me!! i was so embarsaed!!!i slowly turned round to see who was calling me to go back with them. it was an old elementry best-friend. as i got their i greeted her and told her to meet me after church in the garden. i told her everything and she started laughing so hard!! i was so emberased!!!!!! now i never swing my hands while i'm in line!

Answer 2

teacher; como es juan
butthead; burrito
teacher; como es juan
butthead; guacamole
teacher; no, beavis como es juan
beavis; spaghetti
teacher; SPAGHETTI? THATS ITALIAN YOU MORON!!!!!!, u 2 have been in my class for this entire year and the only spanish u know is the stuff u heard a taco bell, im gonna give u 2 both ten seconds to tell me a spanish sentence or u 2 will go to the principal's office and fail for the year, well im waiting
butthead; Hul er amma uhh cems tero Rico Swavey
teacher; OFFICE
beavis; taco supreme
teacher; OFFICE



well it wasnt a joke but i hope u feel better, dont end like this

Daughter of Zion once precious princess left her father's house to walk the streets that never rest, she thought "maybe they'll hear me in the metropolis so Im not sending out and SOS" fighting with her mind she wants out of this mess and those big city lights might brighten up the darkness she left a note that said; " you know that Im tired and you know that Im stressed you can't stop me and you can't stop this you could call the police try to make an arrest today is the day that reposses leaving on the first bus that I can get" now its rings around the eyes sopping wet from rain droplets window shopping for some solace no address and penniless thats the price you pay from running away from the stress feeling the pain she likes the dance by the DJ reminds her of a time when things were ok frightened by her own shadow, now she wants to go home

Answer 3

this will make you laugh so hard lol

Can It Get More Embarrassing Than This? The following are two of the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest:

"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee pee last night!" "The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter." Amy Richardson-- Stafford, Virginia

"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, 'SURPRISE!' My entire family - aunts, uncles, Grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. "Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again." Tim Cahill--Poughkeepsie, New York

Answer 4

You want an anecdote, here's one straight from real life.
I have a chainlink fence in which I keep 3 dogs, 2 border collies and a cockapoo (that's a mix between a cocker spaniel and a poodle) named Bear. Now, lately these dogs have been digging under the fence and running to the road, chasing cars, that sort of stuff. There were so many holes I had to fill each one of them, and to prevent the dogs from ever digging under the fence again me and my family put up an electric fence around the base of the chainlink. That way, if the dogs ever did try to dig a hole and crawl thru, then they would get a zap equivalent to cutting thru a electrical wire on there back. That may sound cruel, but animals can sense the electrical fence and they know not to touch it....usally.
About the time we had the wire hooked up and were wondering how we would test it, our dog Bear came sniffing up to fence. We simply stood back and watched as Bear hiked his leg up and sent a straight beeline of urine to the wire. The affect was instantaneous. He yelped and ran to his water bowl, trying to cool off his private parts. We simply stood laughing, thinking about the possibilty that Bear may never reproduce again. After a while he came sulking back, growling at the wire, all his teeth shown. He would show that wire a thing or two. He walked up to it, barked at it, daring it to strike back. It didn't, so he seized his chance and pissed on it for a SECOND time. This time he wouldn't stop shaking for hours. I can only imagine the pain he went thru.

Answer 5

This is something that happened to a friend, not me, but its pretty good.
She was traveling across Europe and was staying with a family for a little bit in Spain. There were festivals each evening while she was there. She went to one of the festivals and ran into a Hottie neighbor as she was leaving. So they were both walking towards the villa she was staying at when she tripped and fell and seriously sprained her ankle. The guy ended up carrying her the rest of the way to her villa. The next morning she sees him and tries to apologize and admit that she is embarrassed about last night and thank you for carrying her home. Well she messed up the translation/pronunciation into Spanish and ended up saying
"I'm pregnant because of last night" instead of "I'm embarrassed." The guy shook his head, yelled NO and a bunch of Spanish gibberish and ran away from her. She was glad she left that particular villa in Spain 2 days later.

Answer 6

Once my husband and I were taking our daughter to NH to StoryLand. We were on Rt 16 when I had to go to the bathroom. We didn't see any restraunts, or gas stations, or rest areas or anyting around so finally we found a clearing and I asked him to pull over.
So as not to expose myself or scare any onlookers, I tried to get down the hill.
Well, you know how sometimes, you go down this steep hill and you start running?
Well, I ran right into that tree!
When I woke up, I didn't have to go anymore!
I could barely walk so we came all the way back to Maine,
I went to the Dr who said I had just bruised my ribs
and I had to take another week off from work!

The next time we went back there, we followed the same rout, only to discover that there was a gas station right aroudn the corner- if I oculd have waited!

Answer 7

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't
sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you
coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your
nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on
fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking
for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Answer 8

A couple of years ago I was walking down fifth avenue, just looking up at the skyscrapers. I know this seems pretty weird, I mean a person walking in NYC with their head stuck up in the air (actually, that probably is very common). Anyway, I was just walking when suddenly I found my face colliding with the pavement. Apparently I had tripped over a huge orange cone sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. I was bleeding all over the place in the middle of 5th avenue. It was so embarrassing. I've never lived it down.

Answer 9

Here's one for ya!
My mom and younger brother (about 3 years of age),were heading across the street one day.When a truck came to a screeching halt.My brother turn to the guy in the truck and said,"Watch a car car me bullie".Much to the surprise to both my mother and the guy in the truck of whom was sitting there laughing.They procceeded to go across the street.
Not bad for a three year old kid eh ?

Answer 10

Once upon a time, I went rollerblading with some friends and my crush and his friends came too. I got some food for all of us and as I was skating back...I tripped over a FRENCH FRY, yes you heard me rite a french fry, and i fell down and the nacho cheese got all over my crush and everyone gotta sneak a peek at my undies.

Answer 11

In kindergarten (I will NEVER forget this) the speech teacher came in for rhyme time. (Gay, I know...) She said, "What rhymes with duck?" Well, you know little KDGers, they don't know a thing---I was a smart one and went through the alphabet, shouting out any word with a consonant in the front. You know what happened---I deserve the 20 pts.