Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-09 20:53:22 · 7 answers · asked by Atheist 3

2006-06-09 20:51:52 · 6 answers · asked by mehran x 1

There are two kids born in the same year, same month, and same day. But they aren't twins. Why aren't they?

2006-06-09 20:44:11 · 7 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

-----------------------------20---------------------------36
January February March April May June July
-------------------------------58----------------------------------
August September October November December

What number is May?

2006-06-09 20:41:13 · 8 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

Enjoy

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns
to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes
that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye
patch.

The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the
peg-leg?"

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea,
and I was swept overboard into a school of
sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a
shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?

"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding
an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors
with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you
get the eyepatch"?

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied
the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the
sailor asked incredulously.

"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first
day with the hook."

2006-06-09 20:32:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

His hairs a mess, his relatives are nuts, his neighbours an arsehole, his best friends a cu*t and his owners a wanker.

2006-06-09 20:16:24 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

faster than her brothers!

a sick post i read reminded me of that joke

2006-06-09 20:12:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

i am sooo bored and i need a good laugh.

2006-06-09 20:11:51 · 12 answers · asked by *S*E*X*Y*e* 3

FOR INNER PEACE

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me .... and as we continue through the year we could all do with a little calm. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found
inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off all the things you have started".
So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished ..... and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Baileys, three Bacardi Breezers, the Jack Daniels, the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how bloody good I feel.

You must pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

2006-06-09 20:02:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a spine, yet I can't breathe. What am I?

2006-06-09 19:57:31 · 10 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

2006-06-09 19:57:06 · 3 answers · asked by Modest intellect 4

2006-06-09 19:55:45 · 21 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

2006-06-09 19:54:15 · 15 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

Enjoy :)

A wife went to the police station with her next
door neighbor to report that her husband was
missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, 'He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark
eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs
185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the
children.'

The next-door neighbor protested, 'Your husband
is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big
mouth, and is mean to your children.'

The wife replied, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'

2006-06-09 19:54:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sometimes I am half, sometimes I am whole, sometimes a slice of me is all you will know. Sometimes I am light, sometimes I am dark, sometimes I am both. Everyone wants to walk on me but only a few ever have...

2006-06-09 19:49:01 · 16 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

2006-06-09 19:44:30 · 11 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

hee enjoy:)

A guy walks into a bar, approaches the bartender
and says; "I've been working on a top-secret
project on molecular genetics for the past five
years and I've just got to talk to someone about
it."

The bartender says; "Wait a minute. Before we
talk about that, just answer me a few questions.
When a deer defecates, why does it come out like
little pellets?"

The guy didn't know that. The bartender then
asks, "Why is it that when a dog poops, it lands
on the ground and looks like a coiled rope?"

The guy again says, "I don't have any idea." The
bartender then says, "You don't know ****! and
you want to talk about molecular genetics?"

2006-06-09 19:41:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-09 19:40:59 · 10 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

2006-06-09 19:39:49 · 11 answers · asked by ♀guardian of angels♀ 3

There was this old woman who heard a song called, "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?" The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"

2006-06-09 19:37:45 · 8 answers · asked by Pd 6

Enjoy:)

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a
romantic winter vacation. When they get there,
the guy goes out to chop some wood.

When he gets back, he says, 'Honey, my hands are
freezing!' She says, 'Well, put them here between
my thighs and that will warm them up.' After
lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and
comes back and says again, 'Man! my hands are
really freezing!' She says again, 'Well, put
them here between my thighs and warm them up.'

He does, and again that warms them up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop
some wood to get them through the night. When he
returns, he says again, 'Honey, my hands are
really, really freezing!'

She looks at him and says, 'For crying out loud,
don't your ears ever get cold?'

2006-06-09 19:35:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

tip
u nid to know the meaning of the words

2006-06-09 19:22:06 · 11 answers · asked by mimi 3

please someone told me the best cure is to laugh can someone tell me some jokes it would be much appreciated thank you

2006-06-09 19:09:15 · 16 answers · asked by Are you There at All... 2

what am i a give you info. and take you to differt places i am not a reading book or the internet what am i...oh yeah umm should i skateboad or not to make "him" happy ("him" a dude).

2006-06-09 18:57:20 · 6 answers · asked by ndnpride_411 1

i am a master of trix.i can do good and just as well do bad. you cant see me but you know i`m here. i can be what makes you popular or what makes you unpopular. i am in volved with you you whole intire life. i can be good and bad. who or what am i ?

2006-06-09 18:50:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cowboy was walking in the woods one day and he comes to a clearing. There on a blanket was a naked guy with an erection.
"What are you doing?" the he asks.
The man answers, "Me tell time."
"OK. If you are so good, what time is it?"
The man looks down at his pe*is and the shadow it made and said, "It 2 o'clock."
The cowboy looks at his watch and says, "By Golly, you are right!"
The cowboy starts walking again and comes upon another naked guy laying on a blanket.
"Don't tell me... you're telling time also?"
The man looks up at him and says, "Yes, me too."
"Okay smartass, what time is it?"
The man looks down at his penis and says, "It 4 o'clock."
The cowboy is amazed at the Indian.
He keeps walking and hours later he saw another man on a blanket, masturbating.
"Don't tell me you're telling time!?"
Man looks up at him and says, "No, me winding watch!"

2006-06-09 18:35:10 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

i can be weak and strong. i can be weightless and heavy from a distence i have color but up close i am don`t. i could kill you but also save your life. what am i. if you dont know just put i dont know

2006-06-09 18:30:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

how to put picturs insted of avtars in the photo area

itzzz not ajoke i know

2006-06-09 18:13:01 · 3 answers · asked by rbuunyr 1

i should start speaking now???if yes ...what should be my first words ??

Note: I am only six months old!!!

2006-06-09 18:04:03 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

----
i have decided a no
and the person who answers my qu in that place wins
my qo---
1+5-8+19-74+199=

2006-06-09 17:57:27 · 15 answers · asked by rbuunyr 1