Jokes & Riddles - October 2007

A man with no eyes saw a tree. Plums where on the tree. the man took no plums or left no plums. How can this be?

2007-10-10 13:41:20 · 5 answers · asked by Shnitzle 1

A Man on a cliff Dropped a tomato and it fell 6 feet from the ground it did not scratch or bruse . What happened?

2007-10-10 13:39:25 · 5 answers · asked by Shnitzle 1

A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any crackers? "
Bartender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?" bar tender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?"
Bar tender says, "I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time Ill nail your beak shut!"
Duck walks out.
Duck comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?" bartender says no.
Duck says "Good. Got any crackers?"

2007-10-10 13:38:08 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

You can view many teasers and riddles at http://www.mindchallenger.com

Here is one for you to try before going there and looking for the answer:

Three masters of logic wanted to find out who was the wisest one. So they invited the grand master, who took them into a dark room and said: "I will paint each one of you a red or a blue dot on your forehead. When you walk out and you see at least one red point, raise your hands. The one who says what colour is the dot on his own forehead first, wins." Then he painted only red dots on every one. When they went out everybody had their hands up and after a while one of them said: "I have a red dot on my head."
How could he be so sure?

2007-10-10 13:32:49 · 8 answers · asked by J S 2

Why does a chicken coup only have 2 doors?




Times up!




Because if it had four doors then it would be a chicken sedan!

2007-10-10 13:29:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

This was it below:
______________________________________...
Google will probably find this out and fix it pretty quickly.
but until then:

Follow these steps [in order of course]
1. Go to www.google.co.uk
2. Click on maps
3. Click on get directions
4. Type in "New York" to "London, England"
5. scroll down in the directions to number 24
6. laugh and then re-post this ASAP so other people can enjoy
______________________________________...

I guess they did find out, cos it doesn't work..! I just tried it.

Anybody know what happened?? Can you please tell me??

Thanks!

:o)

2007-10-10 13:27:16 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's been bugging me for about 10 minutes now and I'm probably overthinking it:

It Comes From the Shadows

No one likes it
It brings us pain,
We are never innocent
when it comes to get us.
It will attack an individual
or a whole mob of souls
You cannot see it,
but you can feel it.
It's like a weapon
of mass destruction.
There's only one cure
and it's no easy task.
It will come
as fast as sound
It will grab your throat,
and play with it like a doll.
It is like a Pike,
scimming the air with it's menacing build.
Silent as hell,
yet comes from fun like heaven...
You cannot escape...
the ball of __________

2007-10-10 13:12:36 · 7 answers · asked by Eric W 2

Two guys in a car drive right through the red light. "Man, you just ran that red light!" exclaimed the passenger. "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver. They continue driving through town and then proceed to drive through another stop light.

"You just ran another stop light! You're going to get us killed!" screamed the nervous passenger. "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," repeated the driver. Moments later, they approached a green light and they came to a halting stop. "Why are you stopping?" asked the anxious passenger. The driver turned and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"

2007-10-10 12:50:35 · 7 answers · asked by The Zunester 5

My Girl friend wrote this for me and she says it means some thing....LNT... R YVG BLF DROO MVEVI TVG RG... R ZMWSVZIGHVNRXLOLM BLF

help much?

2007-10-10 12:46:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks in to Baskin Robins and asks the guy if they sell ice cream there.

The guy says "of course"

The customer asks if he can have a gallon of chocolate, a gallon of vanilla, and a gallon of strawberry.

The employee responds by telling the guy that there is no more chocolate left.

The customer says "ok then I will take a quart of chocolate, a quart of vanilla, and a quart of strawberry"

The employee says "Sir I don't think you understand, there is no more chocolate"

The customer was like " Ok then I will have a pint of chocolate, a pint of vanilla, and a pint of strawberry"

The emoloyee was frustrated so he asked the customer if he could spell the "van" in vanilla

The customer said yes V-A-N

The employee was like ok how about the "straw" in strawberry.

The customer said " S-T-R-A-W"

Then the Employee was like now can you spell the "F*ck" in Chocolate"

The customer was like there is no F*uck in chocolate

the Employee was like " Thats what i've been trying to tell you

2007-10-10 12:42:37 · 10 answers · asked by ? 6

just at that moment a tv detector van pulls up, the man jumps out and say's "excuse me madam have you got a tv licence" she say's i'm late for work but my husband will be home shortly, oh and tell him it's behind the clock on the mantlepiece, so of she dashes to work, 5 minutes later the husband turns up, the man once again jumps from his van and say' "excuse me sir have you a tv licence" the husband scratches his head and say's "well yes but i dont know where it is" the man say's "it's behind the clock on the mantlepiece" crikey! says the husband, those tv detector vans are more avanced than i thought!

2007-10-10 12:40:51 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-10-10 12:36:46 · 6 answers · asked by beastlover12 2

ya we have to pass them out at the car line to the parents and the theme is snow or winter land bu everyone has to like them

2007-10-10 12:27:23 · 7 answers · asked by Toni M 1

A man goes to the doctor and reports that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

"Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up," the doctor says. "Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, Doc, exactly what's my problem?"

Says the doctor, "You're not drinking enough water."

2007-10-10 11:13:51 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did you hear about the jewish kamikaze fighter pilot who crashed his plane in to his brothers scrap yard?

2007-10-10 10:05:56 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

...Because the first one didn't make it.

2007-10-10 09:43:25 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

a ringtone!!!

2007-10-10 08:43:22 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

So Jesus is addressing the multitude and says, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone."

The next minute, a rock flies through the crowd and hits him upside his head...









Jesus yells out: "AW MU-UM! YOU DO THAT TO ME EVERYTIME!!"

2007-10-10 08:20:16 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

to find his wife in the kitchen cooking, he looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in the frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied.

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."

2007-10-10 07:44:53 · 15 answers · asked by ☠CHUCKY ☠™ 7

why don't you run a chav over on a bike

it could be your bike

2007-10-10 07:04:39 · 24 answers · asked by ♥BEX♥ 7

Shake hands of course

2007-10-10 06:40:54 · 18 answers · asked by Rosie Posie 2

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. "Blimey," the bus driver said,
"that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an
aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed
that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.

The man sympathised and said, "He's a public servant! He shouldn't say
things to insult passengers."

"You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him
a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man agreed. "Here, let me hold your monkey"

2007-10-10 06:07:47 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

ist correct answer 10pts

2007-10-10 06:05:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

troll caught laughing he didn't know why, he said i was about to report someone when i just started laughing.
miserable old sod died laughing at his computer.
prude seen laughing on webcam when confronted by the evidence she said she d idn't know, she was asking a yahoo question when the laughter attack started.

2007-10-10 05:53:06 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your a55."

2007-10-10 05:50:11 · 11 answers · asked by ☠CHUCKY ☠™ 7

Who dont know little Johnny Jokes.

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, Mommy, can little girls have babies?
No,said his mom, of course not.
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, It's okay, we can play that game again!


and for you office folk..

The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The Boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here ?
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer

2007-10-10 05:48:10 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

.....a container with no hinge, key, nor lid.....yet golden treasure inside is hid....

2007-10-10 05:45:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you have one that you carry?I always have my MoJo in my pocket.

2007-10-10 05:20:02 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's always the little Chicano kids that get in trouble for no reason at all...

It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the teacher walked in the classroom, she noticed something was written on the chalkboard: 'T T T 1 A'. She looked at the children and said, "Who wrote this?" Little Keith raises his hand and says, "I did, teacher."

"Well, what does that mean, Keith?" asked the teacher. Keith answers, "It means, 'To The Teacher 1 Apple'," and with that, he gave the teacher an apple. "Very good," says the teacher, "Thank you."The next morning, the teacher walks in the classroom, and notices, once
again, something written on the board. This time, the chalkboard reads: 'T T T 1 O' She asked the children, "Who wrote this?" Then little Bobby answers, "I did, teacher." The teacher says, "Well, Bobby, what does that mean?" Bobby says, "It means, 'To The Teacher 1 Orange'," and he gives the teacher an orange. "Very nice, Bobby, thank you", said the teacher.

The next morning, she walks in the classroom, and she noticed on the board: 'F U C K 1 T'. Disappointed, the teacher exclaimed, "WHO WROTE THIS!!" Then little Juanito raises his hand and says, "I did, teacher." Angrily, the teacher asks, "Well, what does this mean, Juanito?" "It means, 'From Us Chicano Kids, 1 Tamale.'"

2007-10-10 05:11:28 · 10 answers · asked by fezter_5405 1

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair."
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock ".
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

2007-10-10 05:00:14 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous