Jokes & Riddles - September 2007

The 4th question:

Carnival Time
Bonzo went to a carnival. At the first game, he paid 10 cents to get in, spent half of his money he had left, and he spent 10 cents to get out. He went to the second game and spent 10 cents to get in, and again he spent half of the money he had left, and paid 10 cents to get out. At the third game, he spent 10 cents to get in, spent half of the money he had left, and spent 10 cents to get out. After the third game, he had no money left. How much money did Bonzo start with?

2007-09-26 16:50:53 · 8 answers · asked by jersmine14 2

A man got on his plane and asked the flight attendant for some water. Before she came back, the man saw his friend. He waved and called "Hi!" to his friend. He asked the flight attendant when the plane would take off when she brought him his water. "Oh. it'll be a few minutes." she replied. When she left, the man yelled hi to his friend again. Then, the man was escorted off the plane. Why did he have to get off?

The first correct answer receives best answer. Will post answer in three days.
Star if you like!!!

2007-09-26 16:26:30 · 8 answers · asked by Leslie 2

a man is running down a hall-way with a piece of paper in his hands. the lights begin to flicker so he takes a knee, drops the paper, and begins to cry. what was the paper and why did he start to cry.

2007-09-26 16:24:15 · 5 answers · asked by littlepeculiar13 2

2007-09-26 16:23:00 · 8 answers · asked by WingsSuperFan 1

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your comand. Half the things I do you might as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.

I am easily managed--you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great individuals and, alas, of all failures, as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures.

I am not a machine, though I work with all the prcision of a machine plus the intelligence of a human. You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin--it makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you.

WHO AM I???

2007-09-26 14:57:04 · 12 answers · asked by brittanyilyhehe 1

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

Why did Colin McCrae's missus file for a divorce? Cos he couldn't keep his chopper up!

What's the difference between Colin McRea and Gary Glitter????

Only 2 boys went down on McRea's chopper....

2007-09-26 14:44:47 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Saying your body was an air compressor like the one you use to fill a tire at a gas station. What is the average PSI in a human fart. Please answer w/ how you know. There is an answer & the 1st one gets 10 points.

2007-09-26 14:19:18 · 6 answers · asked by Knowitall 2

the money box

ten 5.00 bills ten 10.00 bills and ten 20.00 bills are in a box
a blind folded person must remove three same bills (example 3-5.00 bills)

what is the most amount of money a person can remove from the box

2007-09-26 14:17:49 · 8 answers · asked by Nelson Z 1

An army general wanted ten soldiers to cross a river
There was no bridge and the soldiers could not swim
the general saw a row boat in which were two children
the boat could only hold two children or on solider at once

how did the soldiers cross the river in a boat?????

2007-09-26 14:14:20 · 5 answers · asked by Nelson Z 1

two barrels each contain the same amount of water the water temperature in one is 49 degrees Fahrenheit while the other is 29 degrees Fahrenheit
two golf balls of the same dimension and weight are droped at the same time from the same height into the barrels

which ball will touch the bottom first ???why ??

2007-09-26 14:07:11 · 6 answers · asked by Nelson Z 1

little boy has show and tell tomorrow and we need something that starts with the letter A. any ideas??
plz don't say apple....

THANKS...

2007-09-26 14:03:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits

GROW YOUR OWN DOPE -- PLANT A MAN.

All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.

AND THE GREATEST BUMPER STICKER EVER:

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED,
AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

2007-09-26 14:01:42 · 11 answers · asked by ohio_mike 2

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Ax Me About Ebonics.

Body! By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Caution - Driver Legally Blond

2007-09-26 13:59:44 · 14 answers · asked by ohio_mike 2

the Hell SONG SUM 41!!!!!!!!!
Everybodys got their problems
Everybody says the same things to you
Its just a matter how you solve them

2007-09-26 13:49:06 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I've just thought up this riddle. Is it wrong or not? I've asked my grandmother, and she immediately says there is no answer and it must be incest. I think this riddle is pretty easy to figure out.

2007-09-26 13:38:39 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN BOY
To get to the other side.



PLATO
For the greater good.



ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.



KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.



TIMOTHY LEARY
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.



SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

HIPPOCRATES
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.



MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.



MOSES
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

2007-09-26 13:13:59 · 32 answers · asked by ☼ kayla ☼ 5

ONE-ONE BABBYYY.
=]
we aren't sure what our hand symbol is thoughh..
we were thinking we stick up out middle fingers and cross our arms.

if you got any better ideas...lemme knoww=]

2007-09-26 13:07:03 · 6 answers · asked by peekchure 1

We currently have the Superheroes meet Super Villains popsicles... if you guys enjoy these types of jokes, I'll be putting them up so you can get the laugh with no fat or added sugar. :D See how I sacrifice myself for the greater good?

Q: What do whales spread on their toast?

A: JELLYFISH!!! LOL

2007-09-26 12:59:38 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

So a blonde, a red-head, and a brunette were trapped on the top of a mountain with Ocean all around. A genie appears and says, "I can offer all of you three wishes total; so I'll grant you each one thing. Jump off the volcano and towards the Ocean and as you're in the air, say any word, and that's what you'll turn into". "okay", said the red-head, "I'll go first". She jumped off the volcano and while in the air, she said "EAGLE" and she turned into an eagle and flew to safety. "I'll go next", said the brunette. She jumped off the volcano and said "BLUEJAY" while stilll in the air. "I guess I'll go now, then", said the blonde. She jumps off the volcano and says, "CR@P! I forgot what I was going to say!" and she turns into a piece of cr@p and lands in the Ocean below...

(Sorry if u heard if before or if u think it's totally dumb. i felt like posting it anyway! oh, and no offense to blondes; it's just a joke *toodles*)

2007-09-26 12:41:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Tony's class is out hiking. It gets dark, rain and thunder, the works.
Tony is scared, gets up walks over to his teacher's tent and asks Ms Jones if she can tell him a bed time story.
"why, sure Tony. don't be afraid. come in"

Tony: And Ms Jones, when i'm very scared my sister lets me put my thumb on her belly button

Ms Jones: if it makes you feel better Tony

Tony: And Ms Jones, when i'm scared..

Ms Jones: Careful Tony, that's not my belly button

Tony: and that's not my thumb

2007-09-26 12:41:27 · 4 answers · asked by Slevin Kelevra 3

You can find great riddles and brain teasers at http://www.mindchallenger.com At the beginning of each month answers and more questions are posted. Here is one. Try to solve it without looking for the answer.

A guy is paddling a canoe up a stream at a constant speed (through the water). The water is flowing downstream at another constant speed (over ground). At some point a cooler falls out of the canoe into the water. After 10 minutes of paddling the guy notices that it is missing and turns around immediately and paddles downstream. While he is paddling downstream, he travels the same speed through the water as he did upstream. When he finally reaches the cooler, the cooler has traveled 1 kilometer from the spot where it fell out of the canoe.


How fast is the water flowing downstream (over ground) in kilometers per hour?

2007-09-26 12:35:02 · 4 answers · asked by J S 2

2007-09-26 12:32:50 · 6 answers · asked by sharon 2

LOL best joke ever.. kina racial..for mexicans..but i am one..

Pheonix, AZ has a bad pigeon problem (shut up if you live there). The city manager was willing to take drastic measures to get rid of them. he put an ad in the newspaper looking for anybody who could help with this situation. he chose a man with slicked-black hair and a long trench coat. the guy said, "i'll get rid of the pigeons for free, with only one condition. dont ask me any questions or you will have to pay me $1,000,000" he was accepted and the next day, he got to work. he stood on top of city hall and pulled out a blue pigeon from his trench coat. he spoke to the bird and threw it into the air. the bird made circles around the city and the pigeons were soon following it thousands of pigeons. the man blew a wistle, clapped his hands twice and pointed north, so the pigeons flew north. an hour later the blue pigeon was back, but all the other pigeons were gone the city manager asked him GOT ANY BLUE MEXICANS?

2007-09-26 12:22:19 · 6 answers · asked by Roz 3

A blonde walks along the river when she spots another blond on the other bank.
"Ouhoooo darling", she say,
"how do you get to the other side" ?
The other blonde stops in surprise and answer;
"Darling, but you are on the other side" !

2007-09-26 12:15:56 · 17 answers · asked by Trucky 5

the food was rubbish but the plates were smashing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-09-26 12:14:58 · 3 answers · asked by ally 2

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

2007-09-26 12:12:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young teacher is giving an assignment to her sixth-grade class one day. It is a large assignment so she starts writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly, there is a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Brian?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells. "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she has forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.
She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Smila?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!! This time the punishment is more severe. I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up.

2007-09-26 12:10:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

* Opps!

* Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

* Hand me that...uh...that uh...that thingy.

* If I can just remember what they did on ER last week...

* Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, this guy's got two of 'em.

* Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

* What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!

*Let's hurry, I don't want to miss House

* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

* Nurse, Did this patient sign the organ donation card?

* Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.

* Everybody Stand Back! I lost my contact lens!

* Fire! Fire! Everyone get out!

2007-09-26 12:01:58 · 18 answers · asked by Maroon*Four 4

The Madame is ennoyed because this could make money but all girls are busy so, since the chap is drunk, she leads him in a room where there is only an inflatable doll. He surely wont noticed, she thinks !
About an hour later, the bloke comes down the stairs and the Madame asked him if he was satisfied.
"Sure, said the bloke, she was smooth all over, I did her anyway I wanted and she never said a word.
The best is, she never asked me any money cause when I gave her a little bite on the ar.s.e, she farted and flew off by the window."

2007-09-26 11:36:40 · 13 answers · asked by Trucky 5

A blonde girl enters a shop and ask the assistant for a pair of see through curtains.
The assistant asked her " What size would you like and how many ? "
The blonde answer " Only one and the size must be 1 foot by 8'
The assistant say " That is quite a small curtain, what is it for ?"
The blonde answer, For my Pc, I just instal Windows Vista !

2007-09-26 11:24:53 · 13 answers · asked by Trucky 5