Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

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2007-04-16 17:33:51 · 16 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

2007-04-16 17:05:39 · 7 answers · asked by Luv2no is in the house 7

There was a little girl named Cindy. Cindy alays wears skirts. So one day, a man said I will give you a lollipop if you climb the tree. And she said okay. So she climbed the tree. Everyday little cindy would climb the tree because he man gave her more and more lollipops each day. So one day Cindy's mom noticed that she had so many lollipops. Her mom questioned Cindy about it and Cindy told her how she got the lollipops. The mother then told her. Cindy, he tells you to do that so he can see your panties. And she says OH! So the next day, little Cindy comes home with so many lollipops that she can barely hold all of them. The mother said, "Didn't I tell you to stop climbing thos trees for that man?" And little Cindy replies, "Oh don't worry mom. I did'nt have any panties on today" :)

2007-04-16 14:57:14 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-16 14:52:59 · 15 answers · asked by E 1

they said read our lips, no more bush

if you like bush or not it is funny

2007-04-16 14:36:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

can any one answer this one?

2007-04-16 14:29:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was found murdered one Sunday morning.
His wife immediately called the police.
The police questioned the wife and staff and was given these alibis:

The Wife said she was in bed reading a book.
The Cook claimed she cooking breakfast.
The Gardener claimed he was planting seeds.
The Maid claimed she was getting the mail.
The Butler claimed he polishing the silver.

The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know?

First one to get both answers right, wins!!

2007-04-16 14:18:04 · 11 answers · asked by Llama 4

HE FARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA

I had asked this a few days ago, but since it was late at night, it only received 5 answers.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvIQuiODoLl1KQw1E3t0HfBIzKIX?qid=20070415004514AAARfV6

2007-04-16 13:35:56 · 13 answers · asked by zipps86 1

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ..
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757...
If you haven't, add 1756.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of
this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2007) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

2007-04-16 13:32:30 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

2007-04-16 13:24:40 · 30 answers · asked by Animal 5

A professor was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you
who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises! his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba,
tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Bubba replied, "Heck! From way back there I thought you said "Goats!"

2007-04-16 13:11:11 · 13 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

mommy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon, mommy and daddy put babby balloon to bed but he wakes up in the night and decideds to sleep in mommy and daddys room. He tries to fit in the bed but he is too big. mommy and daddy say son your too big now you need to sleep in your own bed and take him back to his own room. a little later baby baloon wakes up again and goes back into his parets room. he thinks to himself i know what i can do, first he looses a bit of air out of mommy tries to fit in but still not enough room so he goes over to daddy and looses a little air out of him. He tries again perfect he fits in just fine and goes to sleep. Next morning daddy balloon is not pleased. You've let me down, you've let your mom down but most important you've let yourself down

2007-04-16 12:09:58 · 15 answers · asked by mudfish 6

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"
She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."
So little Johnny ran for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his Mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.
"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, Mom. just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

2007-04-16 11:50:58 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A large truck is crossing a bridge 1 mile long. The bridge can only hold 14000 lbs, which is the exact weight of the truck. The truck makes it half way across the bridge and stops. A bird lands on the truck. Does the bridge collapse? Give a reason.

I will give reason in 4 hours. Check back then!

2007-04-16 11:45:49 · 26 answers · asked by <3Juicy.Couture.Love<3 5

2007-04-16 11:38:15 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back,complaining that the radio was not working.

"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attentionto the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

2007-04-16 11:34:21 · 4 answers · asked by snapdragon747 5

Your most embarrassing moment, As for my self, I had a blind date with this beautiful girl, And we were waiting for a Bus in the middle of the country, A very quiet road, and I said in a loud voice, Listen-I can hear something coming? unexpectedly ? I Farted very loud, You can guess what happened , we never saw each other again?

2007-04-16 11:06:39 · 26 answers · asked by denis9705 5

a fat woman, the size of 3 average size women, went rushing to her doctors surgery.
'Doctor Doctor' she yelled.
'Yes' said the doctor.
' I THINK I'M ANAREXIC' !!!!!!!!

2007-04-16 10:57:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-16 10:51:17 · 4 answers · asked by Joshua B 4

A blond guy wakes up and starts his day. First, he goes to driving school and learns that cars should never be off course.Then, he goes to cooking class and learns about utensils.Next, he plays a soccer game and his team gets 10 goals. Last, he watches some TV and loves the glad air freshener commercial. Just as he was gonna tell someone about his day, a cop drives up and asks him,"Have you seen this burgalar?" the blond replies,"Off course!"Then the cop asks," What weaponry was he using? "Forks and Knives!" Cop says," Did you rob any houses with him? "We scored ten!" was his answer. Then the cop threatens, "Should I put you in the electric chair?" Blond replies,"Plug it in, Plug it in!"

2007-04-16 09:42:47 · 14 answers · asked by Twilight <33 3

your mom is so fat she sat on the curve and got a ticket for jaywalking...... your mom is so fat she always causes and eclipse when she is around....... your mom is so fat she thinks the moon is a skittle

2007-04-16 09:40:21 · 3 answers · asked by greeneyedflavor 2

JACK THE KIPPER?

2007-04-16 09:28:32 · 15 answers · asked by denis9705 5

There is a tree with 20 apples on it. 10 men walk by the tree. Each took an apple from the tree. How many are left?

The first person to get it right gets best answer (10 points)

2007-04-16 09:18:27 · 12 answers · asked by Sierra. 3

2007-04-16 08:58:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-16 08:41:33 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-16 07:50:58 · 21 answers · asked by christian o 1

A man walked by an office and noticed three men sitting in various chairs looking in all directions in the room. None of them were talking nor looking at each other, it seemed to the observer that they were just talking to themselves. Ever so often they'd write something down.

What was going on here? There is an answer that will make complete sense!

2007-04-16 07:48:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

WHO LOVES LOOKING4ANSWERS????? I DO! MUAA!
I <3 YOU! I WILL RISK ALL MY POINTS FOR YOU!

2007-04-16 04:33:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”

2007-04-16 04:09:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

You know what they say about jokes, dontcha? . . . they're like a woman in a dress getting out of a car. Sometimes you see it, sometimes you don't.

2007-04-16 03:46:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous