Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

I do I always use condiments

2007-02-27 10:24:35 · 14 answers · asked by friendofb 5

NO knock-knock jokes, unless they are drop-dead funny.

2007-02-27 10:22:55 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who am i when looking me up in my profile? Please dont remove my question!
Also:
What consequtive number's first letters form the word sent?

for example:
1,2,3,=ott

2007-02-27 10:22:48 · 11 answers · asked by STrawberry 3

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops..... On my desk I have a work station...does that mean that work stops for me too??? lol :-)

2007-02-27 10:20:51 · 19 answers · asked by little_hen_uk 3

the short yellow bus?

If so, where did it take you?

2007-02-27 10:18:59 · 10 answers · asked by Jen 3

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold the light high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack his *** again."

2007-02-27 10:07:17 · 2 answers · asked by P!NK 5

2007-02-27 10:05:54 · 5 answers · asked by jon_farmer 2

what letter is next?

2007-02-27 10:01:29 · 9 answers · asked by sabrinashakedownn 2

"...I'm tired of being on welfare, I want a real job!" "Well your in luck then!" the caseworker answers. "Theres an opening that just came up. Its working for an old white guy driving his beautiful blond haired daughter, who loves black men, to different events in a brand new Cadillac Lemo. All your clothes and meals are furnished and you'll live in a carpeted two bathroom apartment over the garage and three months a year ,you will escort the daughter through Europe and the job pays $200,000.00 a year !" "You gotta be s******me!" the black man said! "Yeah, Well you started it.

2007-02-27 09:56:34 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,

breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

2007-02-27 09:53:39 · 19 answers · asked by P!NK 5

If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

2007-02-27 09:53:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Now remember it is only a joke...
there is no deep meaning .just a laff...

you use fore skin divers..ok.

2007-02-27 09:53:06 · 21 answers · asked by raybbies 5

"A BOAT!!"

2007-02-27 09:51:51 · 11 answers · asked by little_hen_uk 3

Would u go under the ladder to pick it??

2007-02-27 09:50:15 · 17 answers · asked by little_hen_uk 3

The latest club craze is to fill a woman's fanny with vodka then suck it out using a straw. Health experts are now warning against the dangers of minge drinking.

2007-02-27 09:49:18 · 19 answers · asked by pebbles26981 4

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

2007-02-27 09:38:45 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-27 09:37:06 · 27 answers · asked by little_hen_uk 3

Jenny is walking through the forest of forgetfulness. She wants to know what day of the week it is. She stops and asks a lion and a unicorn. Now the lion lies all of the time on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The unicorn lies all of the time on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. She asks the lion what day it is and he says "Well yesterday was on of my lying days." Jenny cant figure it out from the lions answer so she asks the unicorn what day it is. The unicorn says "Yesterday was also one of my lying days" What day is it??

2007-02-27 09:34:39 · 20 answers · asked by Ryne's proud mommy 4

2007-02-27 09:32:26 · 11 answers · asked by little_hen_uk 3

2007-02-27 09:23:45 · 9 answers · asked by Math Genius 2365 1

2007-02-27 09:22:18 · 5 answers · asked by POKEMON D/P WIFI-TAYLOR 2

2007-02-27 09:20:18 · 8 answers · asked by POKEMON D/P WIFI-TAYLOR 2

Whats hairy and hard and sticks out of a man's pajma's at night?

2007-02-27 09:19:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-27 09:16:26 · 7 answers · asked by POKEMON D/P WIFI-TAYLOR 2

There were 3 men and they died and went to heaven At the gates they met St. Paul In his hands was a book He said to them In this book I have ur names ur wives names how long u where married and how many times u cheated on them I want each of you to tell me how long you were married and how many times uve cheated Based on ur answer is what kind of car youll drive here in heaven So the first guy steps up and says I was married for 5 years I cheated twice but I told her and we worked things out Paul says Ok u get a pinto The 2nd guy walks up and says I was married to my wife for 15 years I cheated once but I told her and she forgave me Paul tells him Well ok u get a linkin the 3rd walks over and says I was married to my wife for 50 years and I never cheated on her Paul says Wow u get a jaguar So later in heaven the other guys r driving in the linkin then they see the 3rd guy cryin They go over to him and ask whats wrong? He replies I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard

2007-02-27 09:08:29 · 31 answers · asked by broken flame 3

The afterlife.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and
inform
the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no
afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his
word he made contact, "Mary. Mary."
"Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex
twice.
I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty
much
all afternoon.
After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night.
The
next day it starts again."
"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exxactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk."

2007-02-27 09:05:58 · 9 answers · asked by raybbies 5

If a tree fell down in the forest and no one was aroung to hear it, would it make a sound?

2007-02-27 09:00:45 · 15 answers · asked by Jessica W 1

2007-02-27 09:00:28 · 21 answers · asked by POKEMON D/P WIFI-TAYLOR 2

Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other. The first mouse says, "You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat 'em like candy." The second mouse, not to be outdone says, "Oh yeah? Well, you know those mousetraps they put out to try to catch us? What I do is get on the trap, grab the cheese, and then flip over onto my back, and when the steel bar comes swinging down I grab it and do bench presses with it." The third mouse says, "You guys are really a couple of tough mice, and I'd love to keep hangin' out with you here, but I gotta go f*ck the cat."

2007-02-27 09:00:04 · 2 answers · asked by Cuddly Lez 6

Why?

2007-02-27 08:58:23 · 31 answers · asked by Jessica W 1