Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

I love a little magic, especially coin tricks.

2007-01-22 13:38:16 · 10 answers · asked by caligirl 2

I had heard that Hubert Humphrey invited LBJ to a parade in Minneapolis. Anyone remember if that is true?

2007-01-22 13:25:05 · 3 answers · asked by Jimfix 5

Hint: you take the sub out of subway and the f out of way.

2007-01-22 13:24:57 · 7 answers · asked by hindicomingthroo 2

2007-01-22 13:21:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

lets hear your best one!!

2007-01-22 13:17:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have searched hi and low for an answer to the riddle. The game is where your describe 3 items, usually the first 2 are "sticks" and the 3rd item is either a "stick" or not. Usually these riddles have something to do with the spelling or use of letters but in 2 weeks I have not been able to figure it out. Any help would be appreciated.

2007-01-22 13:15:05 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-22 13:12:29 · 10 answers · asked by Jimfix 5

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your grandma's the best sxx in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your grandma, and it was suh-weeeet!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "And your grandma liked it!!"

Finally the guy interrupts ..."Go home, Grandpa, you're drunk."

2007-01-22 13:09:26 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner.

His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her
Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost
70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy,
"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still
call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten
years ago.????"

2007-01-22 13:02:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-22 12:54:24 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

cos they think men care

2007-01-22 12:53:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

in afganistan has collapsed 7 people are dead
still every little helps

2007-01-22 12:52:50 · 7 answers · asked by essexgirllover 1

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked. "

To make myself beautiful," said his mother.


A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

2007-01-22 12:52:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacromento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there was to be a delay and if the passengers wanted to get off of the aircraft, they would be re-boarding in 50 mins.

Everybody got of off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed she was blind because of the Seeing Eye dog was lying quietly under the seat in front of her through the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this flight before, because the pilot approached her and called her by name, He said "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off stretch and your legs?" The blind lady replied "No, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this: All the people at the gate came to a stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off of the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sun glasses. People scattered. They were not only trying to change flights, but also airlines!

Have a great day and remember things aren't always as they appear

2007-01-22 12:52:14 · 5 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."

2007-01-22 12:51:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Stupid question, I know, but a guy at my work has just come back from holidays and he has a beard now, whereas in the last 3 years of working here he has never had one. So each time I go to talk to him I want to call him something different, relating to his beard. For example, the last 3 times I have said "Hey flavour saver!" or "Hi there tufty!" or "'Sup, curly?" but I'm running out of material.

Can anyone give me a list of good beard nicknames? Cheers.

2007-01-22 12:50:19 · 7 answers · asked by CumQuaT 2

A 10 year old boy comes home from school one day and says:
" Today we learned a half a word"
The parents:
"What was that?"
Boy:
"mother"

2007-01-22 12:48:34 · 20 answers · asked by strongheaded 1

nothing....

she has allready been told twice

2007-01-22 12:45:11 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. "Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night..Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."
"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you..be some drinkin'". "Not a problem"says Tom. "I can drink with the best or 'em."
Might be some fightin',too, says Lars. "I get along with people, I'll be alright" said Tom. "Probly be some wild sex, too" said Lars. Not a problem, I'll be there! What should I wear? Don't matter, just gonna be the 2 of us

2007-01-22 12:38:27 · 12 answers · asked by Starscape 6

open doors over train tracks?it makes NO sence to me at all!!!

2007-01-22 12:37:25 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-22 12:34:33 · 6 answers · asked by qwertyu9642 1

I would have rather had a screamer or a moaner.

2007-01-22 12:33:35 · 16 answers · asked by thatvegasguy 2

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how
> important their children are.
> The first one tells her friends,
> "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him
> "Father."
>
> The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop.
> Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
>
> The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down,
> but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say
> 'Your Eminence'."
>
> The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
> The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
>
> She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2," hard-bodied, well hung,
> male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God..."

2007-01-22 12:32:11 · 10 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

The doctor tells the patient "I have some very bad news. Your tests are in and they show you have cancer...and you also have Alzheimer's". The patient pauses for a moment and then says "Well, at least I don't have cancer".

2007-01-22 12:30:55 · 7 answers · asked by Commander 3

I wanna get my friends back for pranking me but don't know how. I don't want anything like to obvious but something that will make them really mad!! Also, please don't make it be hard to get supplies in fact i don't even want them. But maybe like a lieing thing. Thanks guys!

2007-01-22 12:28:26 · 2 answers · asked by skimboardergal6 3

Alittle boy is choosen to be in the school play he has only one line
HARK I HEAR A PISTOL SHOT
He tells his mother who is overjoyed at her son being in the school play
All the time he is saying his line so he does not forget it
HARK I HEAR A PISTOL SHOT
HARK I HAER A PISTOL SHOT
HARK I HEAR A PISTOL SHOT
Come the night of the play the lad is in the wings of the stage a BAG of nerves
He walks on and says his line
HARK I HEAR A SHISTOL POT
A PISTOL ****
A **** POT
A POT ****
OH **** IT I DID NOT WANT TO BE IN THE PLAY IN THE 1st PLACE

2007-01-22 12:18:54 · 25 answers · asked by colin050659 6

The headline in the paper said "SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE"

2007-01-22 12:18:40 · 13 answers · asked by Commander 3

there's 2 door (heaven and hell) guard by 2 person which 1 of them will talk the true but the other 1 will lie on you. onli 1 question can be ask to get the right way to heaven. What is the question?

2007-01-22 12:12:31 · 8 answers · asked by Youiop 1

lol

2007-01-22 12:10:40 · 9 answers · asked by Countess Blavinskeya 2

Its been bugging me for a verrrry looong time

2007-01-22 12:04:43 · 8 answers · asked by kcg4 2