Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

with a shovel on it that looks like a clock????!!! DESPERATE!

2007-01-22 09:39:07 · 1 answers · asked by popsicle230 2

okay if you guess this than you win the points her first name is alexandria ....... guess away first one that guesses it wins the points good luck

2007-01-22 09:31:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

this blonde walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk for a 710 cap, and says,"theres no such thing as a 710 cap" and she replies, "yeah there is! i need a new one!" so after a while he asks her to draw whats shes talking about and so she draws a circle with 710 in it, and then he flips it upside down and says, "that says oil"
its alot funnier when you can see the drawings so if you want you can draw a picture of a circle with 710 in the middle then turn t upside down

2007-01-22 09:23:54 · 18 answers · asked by pygmy721 2

2007-01-22 09:20:29 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fire Destroys Bush Presidential Library

A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost. Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.

Do you have a favorite Bush joke?

2007-01-22 09:15:30 · 17 answers · asked by L.Morton 1

2007-01-22 09:06:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

why was six afraid of seven?

2007-01-22 09:06:07 · 30 answers · asked by sexie 3

What Christmas message is written here:
A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ?

2007-01-22 09:02:29 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

riddle time.

2007-01-22 09:01:53 · 24 answers · asked by my alias 4

Anyone to tell me Tell me the blood group of Jesus?

2007-01-22 08:58:29 · 5 answers · asked by Olukayode A 1

2007-01-22 08:57:24 · 21 answers · asked by wheels on the boat!!!!!11 1

Yo Momma joke?

2007-01-22 08:56:04 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3

2007-01-22 08:50:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-22 08:50:47 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young newlywed lady goes to see her Doctor concerned about her small breasts.
Her Doctor says rub your breasts every hour with your hands in a circular clockwise motion. Do it 3 times repeating this saying -

"I must I must improve my Bust"

Over the weeks to her amazement it slowly seems to be working.
One day when doing this routine on the Bus home the ticket Conductor says to her- "Ah you must be a patient of Dr Brown at the surgery on the High street!"
Wow... amazing how do you know that?

Hickory Dickory Dock..........

Well made me laugh anyone got anything better?

2007-01-22 08:50:27 · 18 answers · asked by Jimbobarino 4

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters & listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.

2007-01-22 08:27:49 · 13 answers · asked by sheriff fatman 2

2007-01-22 08:24:20 · 20 answers · asked by The Puppy 2

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

2007-01-22 08:20:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man
standing alone. She approached him.

"My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like
most -- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked him.

"Beertits." he said.

2007-01-22 08:20:30 · 18 answers · asked by Tarek D 2

Someone just negged me on Ebay, and I so didn't deserve it,
The guy is a complete d*ckhead and negs everyone,
Can you think of something funny to leave on his feedback ?????

2007-01-22 08:16:15 · 3 answers · asked by Elle J Morgan 6

Shamus goes to a nightclub and meets a really hot babe who he wishes to have sexual relations with. His asks her if he could do this and she informs him that is is on her menstural cycle.
"Oh that's okay, I came on my motor bike we can meet at my house!"

2007-01-22 08:13:31 · 25 answers · asked by d1ckdeckard 3

If you have $3,287.38 in change, and you have the same number of pennys, nickels, dimes, and quarters. How much weight in pounds do you have in coins?

2007-01-22 08:08:35 · 12 answers · asked by Kuroi 3

While out jogging in the park, a young chap finds a brand new tennis ball. Seeing nobody around to claim it, he slips it into the pocket of his shorts and continues on.
A few yards from home, he reaches a pedestrian crossing. Waiting for the traffic to stop, a young lady standing next to him can't help but notice the considerable bulge in his shorts. "Oh my," she gasps, "whatever is THAT in your shorts?"
"Tennis ball," replies the young man, still breathless from exercise.
"Oh poor you," sympathises the woman, "I once had tennis elbow."
<><><>
Barely 20 minutes after teeing off, a woman stumbles into the golf course clubhouse, grimacing in pain. "What happened?" the club pro asks.
"I got stung by a bee," she replies.
"Where?"
"Between the first and second holes."
"Hmmm," murmurs the pro. "Sounds like your stance was a little too wide."
<><><>

2007-01-22 08:08:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

which p!ssed me off as i thought i was playing very well,turns out i was standing in my own sh!t.

2007-01-22 08:04:21 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.

He notices that she is reading a manual about se*ual statistics. He

asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It

says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are

the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" The man

replies, "Tonto Papadopolos, nice to meet you."

2007-01-22 07:59:11 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a barber shaves all the men and only the men in town that dont shave themselves, then who shaves the barber?

I am spazzing on an answer lol

2007-01-22 07:57:02 · 8 answers · asked by Striker 1

Two women who are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter. First one said:"My dog is so smart, every morn he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes the paper and brings it to me" . Second one said:"I know that". First one:"How". Second one:" My dog told me that..."

2007-01-22 07:55:46 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks
up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can
join them.
The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful woman.

The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three
of you do,
cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my
game".
The guys say OK and ask if she would like to tee off first.

All eyes are on her *** as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place
the ball.
She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle.

She just starts pounding these guys, parring every hole. The foursome get to
the 18th
and she has a 12 foot putt for par. She turns around and says,
"You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game.
I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt.
Now if any of
your opinions help me make the putt, I will

2007-01-22 07:55:12 · 12 answers · asked by daftarseuk 2

DAD: why did you get suspended?\

SON: the teacher asked me whats 4 + 6?

DAD: and?

SON: and i said 10

DAD: go on...

SON: and then the teacher asked me whats 6 + 4?

DAD: whats the ffuucckking difference?

SON: thats what I said!!

2007-01-22 07:50:14 · 4 answers · asked by ? 1

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advantage, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong". She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if that f*ckin ice cream van hadn't come along,"

2007-01-22 07:48:35 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous