Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

can u guess???????????? try.........

2007-01-03 23:23:56 · 14 answers · asked by ^^S3XY GENIUS^^ 1

I will post the answer a bit later :)

2007-01-03 23:05:31 · 14 answers · asked by Motti _Shish 6

What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

2007-01-03 22:49:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 22:44:42 · 16 answers · asked by sweetu 2

I said I just bought new tires.....still getting use to it.

Justin

2007-01-03 22:40:57 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 22:39:22 · 8 answers · asked by mr x 1

There was this Native American boy who was
confused so this is what he asked his mother:
Mom, why is my brother's name Windstorm?

She answered: Because he was conceived during
a wind storm.

Well, why is my sister's name Moon-shine? She
answered again: Because she was conceived when
the moon was shining.

The poor little boy looked sad and confused.

His mother said, ''Why are you so sad and confused
Brokenrubber?''

2007-01-03 22:32:59 · 20 answers · asked by hotchocolate 2

For years I thought it was... Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie... What do you get wrong?

2007-01-03 22:25:53 · 38 answers · asked by Alicat 6

1st correct answer gets best answer :)

2007-01-03 22:05:40 · 14 answers · asked by hotchocolate 2

2007-01-03 21:47:38 · 6 answers · asked by hotchocolate 2

people more? "both" says the father,"now go play". The boy goes away but he comes back a little while later and asks, "daddy daddy!,does God like boys or girls more?" his father says, 'he loves boys alot" just to please his son. The boy goes away but he comes back and asks, "daddy, daddy! is Micheal Jackson God?"

2007-01-03 21:33:55 · 9 answers · asked by hotchocolate 2

This is the joke i totally dont understand it so you know if its dirty im sorry!
When is a cup of milk like a ballerina??
-TUESDAY

2007-01-03 21:13:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is apparently the World's Funniest Joke after a year-long search by scientists.

Here it is.


Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"



Yeah its ok, but I've heard better.

2007-01-03 21:07:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

it should b funny or dirty

2007-01-03 21:02:38 · 5 answers · asked by cute but confused 2

common people and give me some answers!

2007-01-03 20:53:23 · 11 answers · asked by LiTlE mIsSy 6

you have 12 _very rare_ coins
one of the coins is a forgery..... it is an almost perfect replica, except that it is made from a different alloy from the originals.
you do not know if the fake coin is _heavier_ or _lighter_.

you have use of a balance scale (a scale which weighs one side against the other) but can only use it for 3 seperate weighings

how do you identify the odd coin?

10 pts to the first correct answer

2007-01-03 20:29:55 · 17 answers · asked by SeabourneFerriesLtd 7

1. A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
2. Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!
3.Good morning, Brown, Brown, Brown, and Brown?
Yes, madam.
May I speak to Mr. Brown, please?
I'm so sorry, Mr. Brown is away sick today.
Oh, then may I speak to Mr. Brown, please?
Mr. Brown is on holiday.
It's very important, may I speak to Mr. Brown?
Mr. Brown is away from the office on business.
Oh, no! Then I'll have to speak to Mr. Brown, it's a matter of life or death!

Mr. Brown speaking!

2007-01-03 20:05:49 · 27 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

A guy is lost in the middle of a desert. He's horny as hell and would do about anything that moves. On his lucky day he sees a cat wandering around a dune, so the guy start running after it like a mad man trying to catch it so he can satisfy himself with something. after a 30 minutes chase he finally catches the cat but he cant seem to keep her steady. Suddenly, a very hot woman appears out of nowhere, young, perfect body, tall, perfect shape. The guy is so happy to see this, without any hesitation he goes to the woman and asks her gently : "could u please hold that cat for a second?"

2007-01-03 19:23:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking .

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always great fun.

We drank water from the garden hosepipe and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no text messaging, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents .
We played with worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out any eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Local teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

2007-01-03 19:22:26 · 23 answers · asked by billtheangler 5

2007-01-03 19:19:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in.

She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries?

2007-01-03 19:09:29 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and a woman are driving out in the middle of no where and all of a sudden the car breaks down. The man goes out to find help and tells the woman not to let anyone in the car or don't get out of the car. The man comes back after 6 hours and there's a stranger in the car and his wife is dead she did what he told him though. How could this be?

2007-01-03 19:01:41 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Perfect Breakfast as an Irish Man Sees it
You're sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Irish Teens Magazine, and your wife is on the back of the milk carton.

2007-01-03 18:57:03 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A party of English tourists were taking in the sights of the west coast of Ireland. Having driven for a couple of hours the coach pulled up at a monastery where the holy men had prepared tea and cakes.

After the snack the tourists were being shown around the historic building. Entering the kitchen they found a cleric slicing potatoes and dropping them into a pan of boiling fat.

'Oh I see,' said a smart-alec Englishman, 'you're obviously a chipmunk?'

'No,' was the reply, 'I'm the friar.'

2007-01-03 18:52:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!' "Why not" said the officer. "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.

2007-01-03 18:14:22 · 15 answers · asked by David 1

2007-01-03 18:06:07 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A hippie is walking along when he sees a farm. he decides to see if he can spend the night. the lady says sure but he has to stay in the barn.
The next morning the lady went out to the barn and the hippie had painted her donkey purple.She told him to leave immediatly,so he did.
a couple weeks later he comes back and asks if he could spend the night. the lady agrees as long as he slept on the porch so she could keep a closer eye on him. The next morning she wakes up and her cat had been shaved. She tells the hippie to leave and if he ever came back she would call the cops.
A few weeks later the hippie returns asking for forgivness and a place to stay. the lady forgives him but says that he has to sleep on the floor and that if she wakes up to anything weird, she will call the cops.he agrees thankfully.

2007-01-03 18:04:31 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 17:59:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

a guy comes up to a girl and says ill give you 500 dollars to have my way with you by the time you pick it up. The girl says "hold on" and she gets out her phone and calls her friend. the friend says " im sure you can run and grab the money before he drops his pants. the girl says ok to the guy so the guy says "great" 2 hours later the girl calls her friend back and says "that jerk dropped 500 dollars in quarters!!!!!!"

2007-01-03 17:56:51 · 10 answers · asked by Roll'n Bluntz 2

Theres this rich old lady who has never been satisfied by a man and she decided that she’ll give 1 million dollars to a man who can fully comfort her. so all these huge guys start to f--k her one by one for the money and they all got kicked out by her all saying " whoa.... toooo big". Then some small guy hears about this and decides to have a go, and the other guys who got kicked out thought the little guy would get kicked out in a matter of seconds but bout an hour later he came out with the money. so they were amazed and asked how he did it and the dumb kid said " daddy told me to use my head to do everything.."

2007-01-03 17:53:33 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous