Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

What is the joke? I've been trying to remember that for 30 yrs.

2007-01-07 13:31:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

once there was a married couple who had a little girl. they never told or tought her about god or jesus. one day when she was 5 her parents got in an argument in front of her. then her dad pulled out a gun and shot his wife then shot his self. the little girl got a foster mom that believed in god and went to church every sunday. on sunday the foster mom took her to sunday school and ask the teacher if she can be patient with her because she didn't know god or jesus. the teacher held up a picture of god and asked if any one knew who it was. the little girl answered that's easy. that's the man who held me as my dad shot his self and my mom. do u believe it. i sure do. that's how good god really is. and this is a true story from a newspaper about a year ago.

2007-01-07 13:31:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

uoy eadr ym essagem nda uoy (fi irstf) inw estb werans!!! tulationscongra!! (this is a stupid freebie)

2007-01-07 13:25:20 · 21 answers · asked by PaulPaul 2

Tom and Sarah are staying in a hotel and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settle down, Tom (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly "Hey snuggle boopy doops, your little hubby wubby isn't quite ready for nighty-nighty yet." Sarah takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Tom jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone, "Oh my precious little honey bunny, is your noseywosey all righty?" No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they made mad passionate love for hours. Afterwards, Sarah goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor. Tom looks over and grunts, "Clumsy biatch".

2007-01-07 13:24:59 · 36 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

2007-01-07 13:18:03 · 3 answers · asked by Time@ Time 5

... moose and meese? Or just moose? You know, one goose, two geese, one moose, (two meese?) Or is it one moose, two moose?
If I'm confusing you, I just want to know if calling more then one moose is saying there are meese, or just moose.

2007-01-07 13:16:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

a college student wrote her parents this note.
dear mom/dad,
there are many $tudent$ here. they get $50 dollar$ a week. college i$ ex$pen$ive. hope to $ee you $oon.

love,
lisa

the parents returned with this letter.

dear lisa,
couldnt help but NOtice you use a lot of $. what does that mean????? can't wait to see you iN October and NOvember for the holidays. this is the best NOte we have ever written.
love,
mom and dad

2007-01-07 13:12:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

The paragraph below is most unusual. How quickly can you find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so ordinary you'd think nothing was wrong with it - and in fact, nothing is wrong with it. It is unusual though. Why?

"Gatsby was walking back from a visit down in Branton Hill's manufacturing district on a Saturday night. A busy day's traffic had had its noisy run; and with not many folks in sight, His Honor got along without having to stop to grasp a hand, or talk; for a mayor out of City Hall is a shining mark for any politician. And so, coming to Broadway, a booming bass drum and sounds of singing, told of a small Salvation Army unit carrying on amidst Broadway's night shopping crowds. Gatsby, walking towards that group, saw a young girl, back toward him, just finishing a long, soulful oration"
__________________________________________________
The above passage is taken from the book "Gatsby" written by Ernest Vincent Wright in the late 1930's

2007-01-07 13:09:57 · 13 answers · asked by •▐☺xXxHäV☼KxXx☺▐ • 4

tell me and i will choose you as best answer. (the first one)

2007-01-07 12:47:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I
had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings,
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods,
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt
anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people
in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
many grandchildren.


Love, your son, John.



P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that's on my desk.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home

2007-01-07 12:46:56 · 21 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

2007-01-07 12:45:48 · 15 answers · asked by Afi 7

What does "Pot O O O O O O O O" mean?

2007-01-07 12:43:37 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

one day a young man went to a gas station and asked for the 12 pack condoms. the next day he asked for the 12 pack again. the clerk just had to ask. he said man how do you get it so much. the man looks like he doesnt know what he is talking about. the man says these are for my dog. he eats them and he poops in a plastic bag.

2007-01-07 12:34:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Honey what is the juice that produced by bees".I don't know honey."Give me that mobile cellphone "."I can't" ."Why?" "I am driving and there is too much traffic on this road today". Where is it because I only see many cars?Thats traffic man! Here is your mobile cellular phone." "Check the score"."It's a draw-draw" "What do you mean" "Nil-nil"

2007-01-07 12:34:04 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A magician was boasting one ady at how long he could hold his breath under water. His record was six min. A kid that was listening said, " Thats nothing, I can stay under water for 10 min. using no types of equipment or air pockets! The magician told the kid if he could do that, he'd give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the money. Can you figure out how?

2007-01-07 12:32:37 · 9 answers · asked by I Love Monkeys!!!!!!!!!! 1

A teenager goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. The young man stands up and asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes and asks God to cleanse his soul.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He whispers back to her, "You never told me that your dad is a pharmacist!!!"

2007-01-07 12:28:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bruce,the head dog of the pack,had three sons. one was named mo the other curly.what is the third dogs name.

2007-01-07 12:25:11 · 7 answers · asked by I Love Monkeys!!!!!!!!!! 1

A person walks into a bar and asks for a pint of adenosine triphosphate.
The barman replies, "that'll be 80p "!!!!!

2007-01-07 12:25:06 · 23 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

A.) his last 'words' was: "AAARRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!"

2007-01-07 12:24:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Again this is true.An elderly relative had a new puppy to go with her older dog.One day she found the remains of a glass pipette under her bed and assumed the puppy had chewed the glass.She phoned the vet who advised, keep and eye on the puppy stools for blood and feed it bread to bind the glass until it passes through.This she did until last thing at night when she let both dogs out to do business and forgot to keep an eye on the deposits from the puppy.Worried sick when she realised her mistake,she searched 2/3 of an acre of garden at midnight with a torch looking for the deposits and to see if they were fresh she felt each one with the back of her hand to see if it was still warm.The puppy survived with no ill effects and i never shook her hand again.

2007-01-07 12:22:19 · 20 answers · asked by matured 3

englishman, irishman ,scotsman and a welshman all working 100 foot up on a scaffold.They all open there packed lunches. Englishman says not cheese again. if I get cheese tomorrow ,I'm gonna jump off this tower,Irishman looks at his lunch ,same here he says, I'm gonna jump too .Scotsman looks at his lunch ,HAM again , I'll jump with you . Welshman opens his lunch and says nothing. Next day the englishman opens his lunch , looks at his mates and jumps to his death. Scotsman opens his lunch and jumps. The irishman looks at his and jumps to his death. The welshman eats his lunch. 3 months later at the inquest the welshman tells the tale of his colleagues,and an open verdict was given. Outside the courtroom the three wives of the dead all gather talking. I cant understand it says the wife of the englishman, if only he had told me. I cant understand it says the scots woman he never complained. I cant understand it says the irishwoman, He packs his own lunch

2007-01-07 12:20:34 · 14 answers · asked by peter d 2

I resolve to bring the world a greeting card line with a wider variety of messages. How is this for starters?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
Sorry, I've been boinking your sister.

2007-01-07 12:19:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man approached a very beautiful young woman in a very large store and asked "You know, I`ve lost my wife in the store. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

2007-01-07 12:17:34 · 29 answers · asked by Tink 5

Stanley Yelnats is an overweight, awkward boy. There was a curse on his no- good-dirty-rotten-pig stealing-great-great-grand-father | more about him |. Stanley has to go to a bootcamp called Camp Green Lake (there is no lake at Camp Green Lake, only dry wasteland.), because he is suspected to have stolen the sneakers from a famous baseball player called Clyde Livingston. But Stanley is innocent!

In this Camp they all have to dig a hole every day. Stan meets a guy called Zero in Camp Green Lake. He starts teaching Zero to write an to read, therefore Zero digs Stanley's hole , because Zero is such a fast digger. They get close friends. But one day Zero is provoked by one of the counselers. Zero hits him with his shovel and runs into the desert. A few days later Stanley follws him. They have no idea that the female warden is looking for a treasure. They help each other to survive in the desert and some days later they come back secretly. In an old hole they dug weeks ago they find th

2007-01-07 12:10:08 · 5 answers · asked by john 1

just imagine!

2007-01-07 12:08:08 · 10 answers · asked by bordergirltx 2

this one actually happened, my daughter is blonde. I went away on holiday and asked her to water my tomato plants in the greenhouse.To make life easy and ensure she did it, i put the sprinkler hose in the greenhouse and all she had to do was turn the tap on for a few minutes each day.I returned and found all the plants shrivvled and dead.I asked her what happened and she said "i didn't think they'd need watering as it rained every day"True story.

2007-01-07 12:07:40 · 16 answers · asked by matured 3

A.)Well,.....
BOTH are heavily involved in doin a whole Lot of Dirty work!!!!

2007-01-07 12:03:40 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde is driving her car along the motorway when here boyfriend phones her on her mobile.

"Darling, just heard on the radio that there is a car going along that motorway the wrong way - please be careful and watch out for it."

Next thing he hears her terrified voice, "ONE car??? There's HUNDREDS of them!"

2007-01-07 11:59:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-07 11:58:26 · 6 answers · asked by Taylor B. 1

What kind would they be? What would they look like?

2007-01-07 11:52:41 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous