Do you have any good jokes?

Answer 1

yes i have

1..I'm going ice fishing!
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."


2..Slot machine winner
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

Answer 2

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past,
looks up, and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing?"

The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up the tree, sits next to the monkey, and they
smoke a few joints.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to the
river to get a drink.
The lizard climbs down the tree and staggers over to the river to get a
drink of water, but he is so stoned, he leans over too far and falls
into the river.

A crocodile sees this, swims over to the lizard and helps him to the
side. Then he asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up in a tree
with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out,
and wanders off into the jungle.
He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint.

The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!"
The monkey looks down and says,

"Shitttttttttttt........Dude! How much water did you drink?!"

Answer 3

Whats the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Answer 4

A blonde, brunette and readhead were on death row. As the brunette was next to get shot, the man with the gun said "ready, aim..." and the brunette yelled, "TORNADO!" the man dropped his gun and she got away. The read head was next. The man said, "ready, aim.." and the red head yelled, "LIGHTNING!" the man dropped his gun and she also got away. The blonde was up next. The gunman said "ready, aim.." and the blonde, yelled "FIRE!" She didn't get away.

Answer 5

this is kind of sadistic but if you just see the humor its sort of funny...how do you, your best friend, and 100 jews travel to california in your car?..............3 in the backseat, 97 in the ashtray

Answer 6

Two Irishmen leave a bar..................

















It could happen..............