Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-07 16:17:39 · 9 answers · asked by miriam8676@sbcglobal.net 2

If a turtle loses his shell is he considered naked or homeless?

2007-01-07 16:10:56 · 13 answers · asked by lets_jump_off_cliffs 1

the lyrics are "let me get by over your dead body hope to see you soon when will i know doors three feet wide with no locks open walking always backwards in the face of strangers time could be by friend but its less than nowhere now less than nowhere now"

2007-01-07 16:00:06 · 2 answers · asked by Lorrie W 1

try guessing makes it third to the last... What am I?

2007-01-07 15:54:20 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The graveyard when he slipped into a freshly dug grave. He tried and tried to climb out but finally succumbed to exhaustion. A few hours pass, when a drunk comes walking past, seeing the man laying in the grave, shaking and muttering "So cold. So cold." So the drunk takes a drink and replies "Of course your cold, you dumb sh--! You kicked all the dirt out!"

2007-01-07 15:52:41 · 8 answers · asked by Da Mick 5

1. A little girl tells her father what it means when you hear a bell rings. What does she say?
2. What is the horse's name for the one horse open sleigh?
3. Frosty was a ______ _______ soul.
4. What gifts were given by the 3 kings?
5. Who wishes he was never born in "it's a Wonderful Life"?
6. In what story do sugar plums dance in children's heads?
7. What do you use to "Deck the Halls"?
8. "Mama in her ___ and I in my ____".
9. What kind of sleep was planned on the night before Christmas?
10. Who comes dress in her snow-white gown and tap-tap-taps on your window panel.
11. What does Jack Frost nip?
12. Where were the stockings hung?
13. Who declares he wants a real Christmas tree.
14. What gift does the little drummer boy give?
15. "Here comes Santa Clause right down ____ ___".

2007-01-07 15:39:34 · 11 answers · asked by LEAD 1

Why does a Crab walk sideways?

2007-01-07 15:36:11 · 12 answers · asked by Swampy 3

a man went to a reunion at his old school and found it packed with people he did not recognise. suddenly. he spotted a face he thought he knew and headed over towards a woman standing in a corner
holding out his hand. he told her: You look like helen brown.




she snapped back. WELL YOU LOOK PRETTY STUPID IN BLUE
but i was not going to say anything

2007-01-07 15:35:28 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was driving down the road behind an ambulance. The back door on the ambulance suddenly popped open and a bucket fell out. I thought it might be important so I stopped and picked it up. I opened the bucket and you won't believe what was inside? A human toe!! Guess what I did??? I called a toe truck!!

2007-01-07 15:31:15 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

DESPERATE for a bit of good publicity. USpresident george bush announced a new NASA mission- to send a rocket to the sun.
reporters at a pressconference told him :? buts thats impossible. the rocket would be incinerated long before it got there. ??


bush replied: Oh no it will not --






we are going to send it at night

2007-01-07 15:25:14 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-07 15:18:33 · 5 answers · asked by zealous l 2

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.''

2007-01-07 15:04:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

2007-01-07 14:53:44 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is it possible, or was it ever possible to climb under the base of the stage? I distinctly remember crawling through a horse-shoe shaped area where puppets danced and sang to me. Am I crazy?

2007-01-07 14:53:00 · 6 answers · asked by shinypony 2

A Chinese guy goes out onto his porch where his wife is sitting. "Darling, do you want to play Weeweechu tonight?"

"No, darling," his wife says, "I'm too tired for Weeweechu."

"Please, honey, let's play Weeweechu."

"No, I'm too tired for Weeweechu."

"Oh, please, just Weeweechu, just once, okay?"

"Oh, all right..."

So together they sing, "Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas..."

2007-01-07 14:44:28 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two men are captured by Indians. The chief comes up to them and says, "You can either choose GalaGala (just a random thing; can't remember from the original joke) or death!"

The first guy says, "Well, I don't want to die, so I'll choose whatever "Galagala" is." So all the men of the tribe brutally rape the guy, and he runs screaming into the woods.

The chief says to the second guy, "Do you want Galagala or death?"

The guy says, "Well, after seeing what you did to that guy, I think I'll choose death, like a true man."

The chief says, "All right," and he turns and shouts to the tribe, "Death by Galagala!!!"

2007-01-07 14:41:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

here's a riddle, its really easy once u get it!

Ok, imagine you are driving a car, that is headed straight into the grand canyon. you are alone in the car, you cannot get out of the car, use the break, or anything like that. you cannot break a window, you are stuck in the car, with absolutely no way to get out.

how do u save yourself?

2007-01-07 14:34:45 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

I mean, neither option sounds very pleasant...but you must choose one!

http://www.gwbush.blogspot.com

2007-01-07 14:32:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-07 14:25:29 · 5 answers · asked by girly whirlyy 1

i dont think that blondes are as dumb as these jokes say. im not a blond but i dont mind sticking up for them. if u feel how i feel please respond with anserz

2007-01-07 14:15:16 · 7 answers · asked by liltrackstar94 2

Okay a blonde and a brunet owns a ranch after their father death. They noticed they are short on bulls so they need more bulls to keep the agriculture running on their ranch. The brunet tells her sis to stay on the ranch while she explores the city to see if any1 is selling bulls. The Blonde job is to pick up her sis and the bulls with a truck. The brunet uses the money on her saving which only contain 100 dollar.
Of she goes and somehow she found a dealer. The dealer sells all his bulls for $99 (no tax). Which leaves the brunet 1 dollar left
Now all she needs is to make a phone call to tell her sis to come for the bulls.
She sees a store that text message phones. So she goes to the cashier and tells him that she needs to text message her sis.
The cashier responds that it will cost a dollar for each word. She explains the story how she end up with a dollar and she needs to go home as soon as possible. The brunet begs and begs to the cashier to use her only dollar to message “IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO COME FOR THE BULLS"
The cashier refuses and still demanding for a dollar for each word is use.

After thinking for a while, the brunet insists and exclaim “deal! Just send this one word: COMFORTABLE"

The cashier glazed at the brunet astonished and finally confess" wait hold up, I just don’t understand! How will you sis know that u purchased the bulls and its time for her to come pick up with only one word used?"

The Brunet responds with a grin...." Oh no sir, you don’t understand, my sis is a blonde, she will think COMFORTABLE is a big word, so she will break it into syllabus, COM*FOR*TA*BLE

2007-01-07 14:04:10 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

My friend and I are trading riddles back and forth through letters and I wanted to find a really tough one for him. Any ideas?

P.S. We are both very, very good at riddles and no ordinary one will do.

2007-01-07 13:55:37 · 15 answers · asked by Tony R 2

He was feeling a little funny.

2007-01-07 13:50:29 · 16 answers · asked by Mac D 2

(continued)
i quit smoking
i read drinking was bad, i quit drinking
i read fricking was bad, i quit reading

2007-01-07 13:48:20 · 8 answers · asked by blue 4

A: cuz he shows up late, eats ur food, emptys his sac, cums only once n leaves b4 u wake

2007-01-07 13:44:41 · 16 answers · asked by blue 4

2007-01-07 13:43:59 · 6 answers · asked by SK8R 2

2007-01-07 13:42:26 · 10 answers · asked by Cheesecake King 2

A: she got caught sitting on pinocchios face telling him "lie mf lie"

2007-01-07 13:42:24 · 11 answers · asked by blue 4

a _ _ _ _ _ 10 points to who ever gets it

2007-01-07 13:39:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

<(*.*)> <(*-*)> <(*_*)> <{*.*}>

2007-01-07 13:35:40 · 11 answers · asked by ~emo~elf~ 1