Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

that is in the middle of the earth, what is that?

2007-01-07 20:21:05 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am a place to go
Sometimes fast,
sometimes slow,
Yet my name bids me not to go
What am I?

2007-01-07 19:55:07 · 21 answers · asked by Teddy Bear 4

3 girls,
all 13 years old,
walking down a dark road,
they hear something walking along side the road,
when out of know where they hear a Scream,
one of the girls looks up and shes alone!

where did the other 2 girls go ?

2007-01-07 19:34:26 · 16 answers · asked by Drowning Pool 1

2007-01-07 19:21:57 · 7 answers · asked by io 1

Can Anyone Anser This ?

How Much Wood Would A Wood Chuck Chuck If A Wood Chuck Could Chuck Wood ?

2007-01-07 19:21:42 · 24 answers · asked by F.B.I 1

A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

2007-01-07 19:13:07 · 9 answers · asked by DT 2

She is really funny go to her website. Great comedian, tell me if you like her jokes www.mariabamford.com

2007-01-07 18:49:29 · 5 answers · asked by Religion, Why Is This? 1

MIne..."My eyes are sweating"...this was nearing the end of a 10 hour work shift of staring at a computer monitor all day.

2007-01-07 18:40:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

its just that i was watching something on tv and basicly every one knows of this trick question " you full a glass half way , now is the glass half full or half empty?i was just wondering what majority will say empty or full?

2007-01-07 18:40:21 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sean & Paddy on their way & on first Guiness, their peace shattered by a big bang & shudder from the plane.

Pilot says..."sorry folks # 1 engine failed we'll be ok! but we'll be 15 min late getting to London".

Lads look at one another & order a second Guiness.......soon another bang & shudder with heaps of smoke. "Begosh & begorrah what was that?" says Pad...

Pilot again, "Ladies & Gents # 3 engine just failed no worries, two good ones left, but we'll be 30 min late in London".

Passengers grumble so Pad & Sean order yet another Guiness....

And you guessed it again there's another Bang, shudder, sparks & smoke aplenty.

"Saints preserve us"says Sean.....Pilot..." you're not gunna believe it but # 4 just failed but # two is strong & we'll get there, only it'll be an hour later than planned".

Sean turns to Paddy & says.. ya know Pad..if that number two engine fails we'll be up here all bloody night!!!!

2007-01-07 18:30:17 · 6 answers · asked by bejay 4

Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed.

Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives.

The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug. After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter!

2007-01-07 18:24:36 · 21 answers · asked by GS 3

why is it that the rabbit never gets the tricks(cereal). hehehe

2007-01-07 18:21:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!" The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where t hey landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"

2007-01-07 18:13:01 · 22 answers · asked by GS 3

What is something you see that everybody else cannot see???

2007-01-07 18:09:54 · 12 answers · asked by ron 2

You know, the one that your strange uncle repeated at every family gathering, and it got cheesier and cheesier in the retelling? Mine was--
Why did the blond stare at the orange juice can?
Because it said "concentrate!" followed by maniacal laughter. Still, I grin every time I hear it.

2007-01-07 18:02:58 · 10 answers · asked by Someone who cares 4

They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York. Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others. Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, "What part of the dog did you get?"

2007-01-07 17:55:37 · 20 answers · asked by GS 3

2007-01-07 17:51:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Morris wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night.

He picks up his bath robe from the floor and puts it on. He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra. He thinks "bloody hell what happened last night??".

He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his robe. Again he thinks "what happened last night, what have I done? Must have been a wild party".

He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is "Please, if there's a God, please let this be a teabag."

2007-01-07 17:38:57 · 25 answers · asked by GS 3

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson Computer?



It has 2 bytes and no memory.

(sounds better in the voice of a 5 year old with a lisp)

2007-01-07 17:27:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

2007-01-07 17:16:06 · 23 answers · asked by GS 3

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our a$ses just for sucking our thumbs."

2007-01-07 17:10:59 · 23 answers · asked by GS 3

What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette,
blonde, brunette?














A blonde doing cartwheels.

2007-01-07 17:05:25 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-07 17:02:21 · 12 answers · asked by ~~You Who~~ 2

Well?

2007-01-07 17:02:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-07 16:59:34 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

...both retired, both rather forgetful at times. The one in the passenger seat sits quietly, but notices that the other old lady runs a red light. She thought that it must have been a mistake, or she just hadn't seen it.

But then, a few minutes later, she ran another red light. Again, she was concerned, but she decided to hold her tongue once again.

However, minutes later, yet another red light went by. Finally the lady says, "Did you know that you just ran three red lights?"

Shocked, the other lady said, "Am I driving?!"

2007-01-07 16:58:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-07 16:56:54 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-07 16:48:29 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is long, hard and straight, and when you push it back and forth and in and out, a white substance comes out of it?


































It's...























































A toothbrush, you pervert!!!

2007-01-07 16:45:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hint: Both singers died young. One before thirty and one before forty. One had premonitions of his own death. They knew each other.

2007-01-07 16:22:04 · 5 answers · asked by Lance Carthen 1