Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-08 04:04:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

At noon, you look at the clock in your bedroom. The big hand is on the five and the little hand is in between the 3 and the 4. What time is it?

2007-01-08 04:01:06 · 22 answers · asked by Lilel 4

Tell me the best jokes plz

2007-01-08 03:41:38 · 5 answers · asked by Cathy 4

2007-01-08 03:37:32 · 7 answers · asked by wyn c 1

1. You need 5 minutes to boil an egg. How many minutes do you need to boil 3 eggs?
2. There is a man who can climb up a tree and get 10 melons in a minute. How many melons can he get in 3 minutes?
3. What does one, two, four, five, six, eight, ten have in common?
4. Does 1+1 = 2 work ALL THE TIME?

2007-01-08 03:30:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. You need 5 minutes to boil an egg. How many minutes do you need to boil 3 eggs?
2. There is a man who can climb up a tree and get 10 melons in a minute. How many melons can he get in 3 minutes?
3. What does one, two, four, five, six, eight, ten have in common?
4. Does 1+1 = 2 work ALL THE TIME?

2007-01-08 03:29:40 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny and Suzy have nothing to do one day while in the house playing. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea. "Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests.

"Oh no," answers Suzy, "That is way too scary."

"No, it is not," says Johnny, "it will be fun!" He proceeds to the top of the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful big marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, squealing with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom. "That was great," he says. "Come on, you try now."

Suzy still is not quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No," she says, "It looks too scary."

"No, it is not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom. "You gotta try this, it is the best!" urges Johnny. Well, little Suzy is not one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun, so she agrees. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom.

Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail. When Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin where she collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe she has really hurt herself.

"Maybe you had better let me see," suggests Little Johnny. So Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny's face goes pale white. "OH, NO!" he shouts. "This is horrible! You knocked it right off!"

2007-01-08 03:29:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. You need 5 minutes to boil an egg. How many minutes do you need to boil 3 eggs?
2. There is a man who can climb up a tree and get 10 melons in a minute. How many melons can he get in 3 minutes?
3. What does one, two, four, five, six, eight, ten have in common?
4. Does 1+1 = 2 work ALL THE TIME?

2007-01-08 03:28:30 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

I live in water, if u cut my head i m at ur door,
if u cut my tail i am a fruit, if u cut both then I am with u.

2007-01-08 03:23:24 · 7 answers · asked by DT 2

there was a man trapped in a house with no windows and doors so he cant get out all he has with him is an orange and a knife how does he get out

2007-01-08 03:20:18 · 23 answers · asked by Break Me Down 2

2007-01-08 03:19:48 · 10 answers · asked by kindkayeye/im a chick 2

Sorry people but im just pretty irritated today sort of....i dont want to go to work today feeling upset and irritated because i dont want to get into it with anyone....
please give me a funny website or tell me a joke that can cheer me up a little...i dont try to let my bad day rub off on other people (although its not a bad day so far) i makes jokes on here to let u people laugh so say something funny for a brotha!

Aaron

2007-01-08 03:15:49 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-08 03:12:55 · 9 answers · asked by tornjeansandguitar 3

Yeah, it was horrible.......they found him dead the next day in his tepee..................

hey, I'm tryin' here!

2007-01-08 03:10:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

morales, such as 1) the one who sits on u might not be your enemy, 2) the one who gets you out of sheet might not be your friend, 3) when in ****, shut your mouth, does anyone know of the story?

2007-01-08 03:01:40 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "Billionaire"

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

2007-01-08 02:54:22 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you guess the riddle?

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?
97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle?

2007-01-08 02:44:36 · 23 answers · asked by AliKat 1

The man dies but he son survives and is immediatly rushed to hospital. Just as he is about to have an operation the surgeon exclaims : 'I can't operate on this boy! He's my son!'

How could this happen???????????????????/

2007-01-08 02:42:37 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-08 02:39:34 · 9 answers · asked by alex 1

A rose to Sharon
Who’s at home swearin
At her buttercup
Who just called her up

She wanted more money
She said come on honey
Lets find a way
To brighten her day

I said get a life
She’s not my wife
Tell Toby to work
And not be a jerk

But it’s Christmas day
And she’ll stay away
She’ll ask for no more
I laughed on the floor

I said look to above
Sharon my love
If you raised her right
She’ll see the light

2007-01-08 02:35:17 · 11 answers · asked by gary_b04901 1

Two friends were reminiscing about a party they had been to the other night.'Cracking party eh,Joe, my head's still splitting.'
'Mine too Bill...good booze and a posh house.' 'Posh house ? it was n't that posh...a semi in suburbia?'. 'No way, Bill it had a gold -plated toilet'...'What? no it did'nt...'
This argument went on for a while until both agreed to try to find the house to settle the matter once and for all.
When they finally tracked the house down, Joe knocked on the door and asked the woman who answered 'Excuse us madam would you settle an argument? We were at your party the other day and my friend says you have a gold-plated toilet ...is that true?'
The woman just turned around and shouted to her husband..'George, I've found that basta*d who crapped in your tuba!'

2007-01-08 02:14:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here are the clues:
I bring sprinkles of rain.
I also spray the earth with sunshine.
I make small green buds pop out on trees and shrubs.
I make the grass begin to sprout.
I spread flowers everywhere.
I come after the winter snows shrink and melt away.

What am I?

2007-01-08 02:08:44 · 16 answers · asked by thumbsucker. 2

2007-01-08 01:42:39 · 8 answers · asked by DM 1

ther is a cashier and a doorkeeper. they are taken to coart as eye witness to an attempt of robery.

the cashier says:there was no one else in the bank.the thief took the money and ran the guard triped him and overpowered him.IT WAS 5:30.
it was past closing time.

the doorkeeper says: there was no one else in the bank.the thief took the money and ran the guard triped him and overcame him.IT WAS 10 TO 6it was past closing time.

both of them took a lie detector test and they found they were telling the truth.how can this he possible.

my teacher gave me three hints they are

1.the clock was digital
2.what is the other way of saying 5:30
3.what is the other way of saying 10 to six

2007-01-08 01:34:28 · 14 answers · asked by daniel c 2

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over to the left in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the right. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

2007-01-08 01:33:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two math professors meet at a party. One says: "Together we're 98 years old!". The other one answers: "I am twice as old as you were when I was as old as you are now!"

How old are these professors? Whole numbers only.

2007-01-08 01:29:19 · 8 answers · asked by WithEnlightenmentTheDarknessCame 3

2007-01-08 01:26:03 · 18 answers · asked by Zé 7

The Four Cats.....
>> >
>> > Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were
>> > The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the
>> > third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
>> >
>> > To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
>> > "T-square, do your stuff."
>> >
>> > T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and
>> > promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that
>> > was pretty smart.
>> >
>> > But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
>> > He called his cat and said,
>> > "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
>> >
>> > Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.
>> > He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ..........Everyone
>> > agreed that was good.
>> >
>> > But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and
>>said
>> > "Measure, do your stuff."
>> >
>> > Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a

2007-01-08 01:08:10 · 12 answers · asked by disciple 1

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open."
He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention."
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffle bags!"

2007-01-08 00:48:17 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

2007-01-08 00:32:30 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous