Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

This isn't a joke.. but I have wanted to watch the movie The Quiet Man for so long.. and once I finally got to watch it, the tape in the VCR got caught and the film came out and it broke, so now I am trying to buy it on DVD.. I ordered it but now it won't come for a week or two.. what can I do to pass the time?

2007-01-15 07:50:11 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-15 07:49:32 · 4 answers · asked by Hes perry perry the platupus 2

there is a husband and wife ,that live on a farm....and they are laying in bed....the husband rolls over and grabs the wife by the breast and says if you could get milk out of these we could get rid of the cows..then he grabs her by the vagina and says if you could get eggs out of this we could get rid of the chickens ...then the wife grabs him by the penis and says if you could get this up ...i could get rid of your brother....

2007-01-15 07:46:01 · 9 answers · asked by Puddin 3

A air bag

2007-01-15 07:40:48 · 32 answers · asked by AnnaVolleyBall 1

Here's some good quotes for my YA family

"Now suppose you are an idiot and suppose you're were a member of congress...but I repeat myself" Mark Twain

"Bigamy is having one wife too many.Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde

"If it weren't for electricity we would all be watching T.V. by candlelight" George Gobel

"I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikazes wore helmets" Dave Edison

"

2007-01-15 07:39:29 · 8 answers · asked by Puddin 3

http://www.lautman.net/riddlesofriddlesjr/youth/parts.htm

2007-01-15 07:32:15 · 14 answers · asked by mrsdycus 2

On the first day of school, there was a classroom full of girls and no boys. Then a boy came in and the teacher asked why he was late and he answered by saying he was on blueberry hill. Two other boys came in and the teacher asked them the same question, and they answered the same as the first boy. Then a minute later a girl came in and the teacher asked for her name and she said "Blueberry Hill".

2007-01-15 07:31:42 · 22 answers · asked by beautifull 2

A man will actually search for a golf ball!! LOL

2007-01-15 07:26:39 · 8 answers · asked by BooBoo 3

randomness wins

2007-01-15 07:24:06 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

for christmas i bought my wife a pair or slippers and a vibrator




if she don't like the slippers she can go f#ck herself

2007-01-15 07:19:23 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

wht is it?
tht evey body needs it....
living or dead
even GOD needs.......it

2007-01-15 07:17:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

to his wife says, "Right bend over and we'll do the Social Security' position."
She says, "Whats that?"
He says, "Well, when my balls touch your a**e your'e gettin full benefit".

2007-01-15 07:16:45 · 14 answers · asked by dynamo 1

And were looking for it, then you found it, what's the 1st thing you would do?

2007-01-15 07:13:08 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."

2007-01-15 06:59:04 · 21 answers · asked by a 1

A parrot has a memory that will only hold the last two things it has heard. A guy buys him, puts him by the front door and tests him. ``One, two,'' the man says. ``One, two,'' the parrot says. ``Three,'' says the man. ``Two, three,'' says the parrot. ``Four,'' says the man. ``Three, four,'' says the parrot. Then the guy shouts to his wife: ``So long, honey, I'm going to the office!'' When the guy comes home, what does the parrot say?

2007-01-15 06:58:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

by mans orange penis..
"Does anyone else in your family have this condition?"
"No."
"Do you work with chemicals then?"
"No, I dont work?"
"Then what do you do during the day?"
"I watch porn and eat Cheesy Wotsits"

2007-01-15 06:40:16 · 17 answers · asked by dynamo 1

A blonde was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and booze."

Instantly, and miraculously, a parking place appeared.

She looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one!"

2007-01-15 06:36:41 · 21 answers · asked by sparkletina 6

2007-01-15 06:36:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Olaf & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.

"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. "Vhere dit yew git dat monster??"

"Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."

"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.

"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box," says Olaf.

"Could I see him?"

So Olaf opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the genie.


Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?"

"Yes, I will," says the genie.

So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there,
waiting for his million bucks.Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million ducks...flying overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf.
"Yumpin'Yimminy I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

2007-01-15 06:35:57 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

A businessman stepped inside an elevator and there was a blonde inside who greeted him with a bright "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said, as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back at her and, once again, said "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "T-G-I-F means

Thanks Goodness It's Friday...... . Get it? Duuhhh?"

The man answered "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'."
__._,_.___

2007-01-15 06:35:10 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Well?

2007-01-15 06:31:15 · 10 answers · asked by abortion_is_murder2003 1

Would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

2007-01-15 06:30:33 · 17 answers · asked by abortion_is_murder2003 1

A woman was talking to her business partners and said, "I have 5 kids and half of them are girls". How is this possible?

2007-01-15 06:30:06 · 11 answers · asked by Ace 5

A study conducted by UCLA's Dept. of Psychology

The kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man depends on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example if she is ovulating she is attracted to man with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his butt while he is on fire.

Further studies in this area have been cancelled.

2007-01-15 06:28:43 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A detective went to a man's house to solve a murder mystery. He found the man's dead body and next to it was an recorder. He clicked play and the recorder and heard a man saying "These are my final words, I can hear the murderer coming. Oh no, he made it inside..." then he heard a cry for help and a loud gunshot. Immediately the man knew that the voice on the recorder could not have been the man who was shot. How did he know that?

2007-01-15 06:27:10 · 9 answers · asked by Ace 5

i have been on this site
since july last year
and i've had some good fun
and a lot of good cheer
i've been in touch with members
from all the worlds nations
but i've really had enuff
of the yahoo violations.
i try to tell jokes
that by my standards are mild
but obviosly they make
some people wild.
they report me to yahoo
for reasons unknown
and all of a sudden i lose points
that i own.
so tonite ive decided
enuff is enuff
i feel that yahoo is treating me ruff
im going to TELL more jokes
and offend you they might
so i challenge you yahoo
BAN ME FROM THIS SITE.
of course i will miss it
and i'll miss you all too
but i'll find another site
thats not as pathetic as YAHOO

2007-01-15 06:24:29 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is big, hairy and eats rocks?

2007-01-15 06:23:16 · 3 answers · asked by Ace 5

.....after 10 years your job still sucks!!!!!!!! sorry but it made me titter!

2007-01-15 06:22:46 · 10 answers · asked by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7

someone makes it and sales it
the person who buys it never uses it
the person who uses it never sees it

What is it?

2007-01-15 06:22:38 · 3 answers · asked by James P 1

.............................after 10 years your job still sucks!!!!!!!! sorry but it made me titter!

2007-01-15 06:21:26 · 4 answers · asked by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7