Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from
there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to
him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook
happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll
take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing
around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man
comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take
it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in
and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

2007-01-17 06:52:29 · 13 answers · asked by Valencia 2

There were a couple of old guys talking at the bar. One of the men had been married for 66 years.

"Amazing. 66 years!" said his friend. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?"
"Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions... and the woman just makes the little decisions."

"Really?" his friend responded. "Does that really work?"

"Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"

2007-01-17 06:50:58 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: What's the difference between the Atlantic Coast and a blonde?
A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs!!

2007-01-17 06:49:09 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo may invent your own acts if you like.

2007-01-17 06:46:05 · 19 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

2007-01-17 06:43:23 · 20 answers · asked by carmencrenshawhovey 3

After much research, it has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the so called 'doggie position'

The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

2007-01-17 06:41:42 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."

So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."

"You do? Tell me."

"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

2007-01-17 06:38:33 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Men who keep there feet firmly on the ground...have difficulty getting into there pants

2007-01-17 06:33:38 · 15 answers · asked by man with the golden gun 4

an obstetrician says to a man "congratulations!your baby is born.but it has no legs".
''it's my kid and i love it" says the father.
''yeah...but it has no arms too,no body and...no head!it's an ear!''
"oh,it's ok,i'll show all my love to it" says the man.
-the doctor brings the ear and gives it to the father-
"oh,my baby!you're so sweet!" tells the man to his "baby".And the doctor says:"Don't speak to it!it can't listen to you!!!!!"

2007-01-17 06:28:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-17 06:25:50 · 7 answers · asked by chep c 1

I was told that this is some kind of riddle, but I've never heard of this one.

2007-01-17 06:25:10 · 2 answers · asked by Gaga Warlock 3

Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?

2007-01-17 06:23:33 · 10 answers · asked by man with the golden gun 4

im really depressd...nd i wanna cheer up...tell me sum jokes pls???

2007-01-17 06:22:10 · 3 answers · asked by missvixenx 2

im not typing that again.

2007-01-17 06:20:20 · 8 answers · asked by john p 2

The guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

2007-01-17 06:19:26 · 30 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

what comes once in a minute twice in a moment and never in a thousand years

2007-01-17 06:17:54 · 10 answers · asked by harleydavidson218 2

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with 7 wives
Each wife had a sack
Each sack had a cat
Each cat had a kit
Kits cats sacks & wives
How many went to St Ives?

2007-01-17 06:16:17 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Doc says hes in an isolation room ,and has Syphalis,Gonorea Herpes Crabs and now has Aids and Broncitis and Pnumonia. She says o my god doc can you anything for him.Doc says we've
put him on a diet of pancakes & pizzas.She says will that cure him
doc? doc says no! but thats the only thing we can get under the door

2007-01-17 06:09:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?

2007-01-17 06:08:16 · 19 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

2007-01-17 06:06:09 · 7 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

2007-01-17 05:51:20 · 9 answers · asked by Valencia 2

I am giving everyone of you(the people that reads my question) a chance to win 10 points, fair and square.

I want you to answer my question(which really isn't a question) in the funnyist way possible.(please don't correct my language)

I will be the judge unless I have other, more important thing to do.In that case the judging will be handed over to the voters.

bear in mind that any answers that contains swearing etc. will be disqualified.

Just A TIP: I am an South African 17 year-old boy(going on 18 in September). Keep my teenage taste and -sense of humor in mind.

2007-01-17 05:49:55 · 24 answers · asked by nobody 2

This one is easy today - Enjoy - answer will be added in 6 hours.

Q: What can drys but is wet at the same time?

2007-01-17 05:43:39 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

2007-01-17 05:43:15 · 12 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

John give twelve roses to his wife, Donna, who is thrilled with John's action She undresses, lies down spreads her legs and says this is for the roses.

John says "Why, can't you find a vase?"

2007-01-17 05:43:06 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

well said the man you go down the cellar and kill a rat and put it in my pint.Off she went and come back with a rat in a pint after half an hour he went back up to the bar and asked for half a pint of rat she said how do i do that well said the man you go down the cellar kill a rat chop it in half and put half of it into my pint Off she went and come back with half a pint of rat he said i aint drinking that she said why he said it's got no head on it

2007-01-17 05:39:08 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million." To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
The Redneck said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it." Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''

2007-01-17 05:36:45 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

cool or uncool? what is your opinion of simon cowel

2007-01-17 05:36:35 · 5 answers · asked by rockstar_livin 2

I could use a good laugh for a change . Could anyone else use a good laugh ?

2007-01-17 05:31:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?


A: He can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.

2007-01-17 05:31:13 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous