Here is my Joke Please Post yours? No boring jokes please.?

Question

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

since you have heard that on please post something fresh and funny. hopefully this is to your liking.

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing them on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"

"What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants."

"What's different?" Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different?"

"What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down again tomorrow."

Angrily, Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down? 'Cause it's looking at my new boots!!"

Bessie replies, "You shoulda bought a hat!"

Answer 1

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."

"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the **** are you?" the man asks

"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

Answer 2

Three sisters ages 90,92,and 94 live in a house together. One night the 94 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.She yells to the other sisters,"Was I getting in or out of the bath?". The 92 year old yells back,"I don't know.I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses,"Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 90 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,"I sure hope I never get that forgetful,knock on wood." She then yells,"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

Answer 3

that's pretty good. here's mine

three guys apply for a job, a haole, a hawaiian, and a samoan. the employer says that there is only one position left. this position is an office job. Down stairs is the supply room. whoever goes down and brings back the best supplies for the job will get the job.

so all three go down. the haole guy is the first to come back up stairs. he's got papers, pens, sissors, and tape. the hawaiian comes up with the same and also some folders and a stappeler. the employer is empressed but says he'll wait for the samoan to come up before making his decision.

an hour goes by, still no samoan guy.
the employer finally goes down to check on him. he goes down and sees the supply door open but the lights are off. he turns on the lights and the samoan guy jumps down and yells "supplies!!"

Answer 4

lol. brunettes are better!

1)In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall. "He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW, Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving. When the powder puff completed, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. The nurse replied, "The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

2)how did PINOCCHIO find out he was made of wood? when his hand caught on fire.

3)An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody."

4)Three men were out in the middle of the ocean. One was American, one was, Mexican, and one was Chinese. The Chinese man said, "I have too much of this in my country." And threw down some grains of rice in the ocean. The Spanish man said, "I have too many of these in my country!" and threw down some tamales. The American man didn't have anything but said, "I have too much of these in MY country." and threw down the Mexican man!!

5)gay man walks into a deli and orders a stick of pepperoni. The deli man says " Do you want that sliced?" To which the gay guy says "What, do you think my *** is a piggy bank?"

6)There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me ElmoS. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday... Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

Answer 5

Hide the Duke

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

Answer 6

one day a blond decides to go for a walk in the woods. everything is going great and she is enjoying the scienery, untill she get to a river. she would like to get acrossed but can't figure out how. then she sees another blond on the farside of the river so she shouts out to her "how do i get to the otherside of the river?" the other blond just looks at her confused and shouts back to her "you are on the otherside of the river."

Answer 7

Hickory Dickory Dock
Three Mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
and the other two escaped w/ minor injuries

Answer 8

That was posted like a week or so a go..........the SAME exact joke. But it is funny
5/10
☼

Answer 9

heard it before the version i heard was funnier