you best jokes ever....?

Question

im really depressd...nd i wanna cheer up...tell me sum jokes pls???

Answer 1

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."

"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the **** are you?" the man asks

"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

Answer 2

O.K. you want some jokes. Do you want pictures? Most likely not. Family reunions is a great place to find jokes. How about the story of the mule egg. Once a pon a time there were two farmers. One farmer said to the other one. "Did you know that mules were not born but hatched?" His friend looked at him and said. "No, they are born." The farmer said, "Nope my friend they are hatched." "Here let me show ya" They go to the barn and get a wheel berrel and fill it full of large ostridge eggs. As they walk along the bumpy road in front of the barn, the farmer says "Now just watch and you'll see what I mean." Sure enough as the farmer and his friend walk along they hit a bump in the road. Two ostridge eggs roll out of the wheel berrel and roll behind a large rock. Two big jack rabbits jump up from the rock and run into the field. The farmer sees the large flopping ears and says, "See there, I just hatched out two more mule eggs!" Well, o.k. it's not a joke but a dumb story.

Answer 3

Shopping spree
Christmas was approaching, and the kindly judge was not averse to showing leniency when he could.
Mr. Williams, can you explain to the court if there were extenuating circumstances that led to you being caught carrying items you didn’t pay for from the store?
Yes, your honor, I wasn’t really stealing, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early.”
What do you mean early? The judge enquired. Christmas is just five days away.
Well, I was doing my shopping at 4:30am. The store opens 8:00am.