Tell me your best joke , pleeeze .?

Question

I could use a good laugh for a change . Could anyone else use a good laugh ?

Answer 1

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."

"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the **** are you?" the man asks

"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

Answer 2

A business man was boarding a plane to Japan, and his seat happened to be next to a rather pretty blond. Despite the fact that the blond appeared to be tired and trying to get some shut eye, the man decided to start up a conversation.

"I tell you what" said the man to the blond, "we will take turns asking each other questions, if I ask you a question and you get it wrong, you will give me 5$ dollars, if you ask ME a question, and I get it wrong, I will give you 100 dollars" (the man figured that since she was a blond, it was only fair that she should pay less)

The blond, figuring it was the only way to get some peace agreed. "Okey" the man asked "what has 4 legs in the beggining, 2 in the middle and three in the end?" A man, the blond replied, in the begging the man is baby, so he crawls on all fours. then he learns to walk on 2 legs. then when he is old, he has a cane, 3 legs

Impressed, the man informed the blond it was her turn. So the blond asked "what has 3 legs, climbs a mountain on tweny, and hops on one foot?" the blond then turned around and went asleep. baffled the man sat there thinking, he texted all his friends and did an internet search. Finally, an hour later, he woke the blond up and handed her the 100$ dollars. "your riddle baffled me, what is the answer?" the blond then silently handed him 5$
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once a panda came in arestaurant and ordered food. the waiter bought him the food. after the panda finished eating, heshot the waiter n started to leave the restaurant. the manager, seeing this, asked him furiosly-"What did you do that for?"
panda-"look in the dictionary for my name"
the manager checked the description of the panda. in the last line it was written-"lives in dense forests. "Eats, Shoots and Leaves"(meant that he ate shoots and leaves of a tree)
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A ventriluquist goes around and uses his little puppet to tell jokes. Well, one time he was at a crowd of young women and was going through his usual round of blond jokes. Suddenly, a blond in the back stood up and shouted" What is up with all your blonde jokes? The color of my hair does not affect how smart I am, I am tired of the discrimination against blonds!"

flustered, the man tries to apologize, but the blonde stops him and says" You stay outta this buster, I was talking to the little creep on your knee!"

Answer 3

A fisherman has had a solid days fishing and is strolling back while he stops at a bar. After the 1st drink he tells the bar that he caught a fish twelve inches long and holds his hands as much as practice how vast it became. After some greater beverages, he says the fish became particularly 36 inches vast and back holds his hands up. The bar closes a quick time later and the fisherman staggers dwelling house around the fields. On one field he encounters a scarecrow which has its' hands at their fullest quantity, to which the fisherman says "Oh come on, buddy, that particularly is exaggerating!"

Answer 4

I think you might like this joke! The moment i had waited my entire life for had finally come. My crush was about to give me my first kiss! ui closed my eyes and puckered up. But instead of a smooch, something foul happened instead! my crush burped right in my face! it smelled horrible and was kinda wet! Sooo nasty!

Answer 5

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

Answer 6

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says,"hey why the long face" :)

Answer 7

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you next month.

Answer 8

dont have one