Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mvf0pxNboBQ&mode=related&search=

2006-11-09 11:22:34 · 4 answers · asked by ady 4

I went shopping at sainsburys in Basingstoke ,
When I was loading my shopping in the car two East European type women came over to me and started to do a strip tease,
then they started to kiss and fondle each other,
I was so shocked at what they were doing I didn't notice a third woman steal all of my shopping and take my wallet out of my pocket.
BEWARE OF THIS SCAM
They are very convincing, I got caught out by this scam Today ,Yesterday, Twice on tuesday, Three times on Monday and five times last weekend

2006-11-09 11:21:45 · 19 answers · asked by jabelite 3

Whats the differance between a whore & a *****?
The whore sleeps with everyone, the ***** sleeps with everyone but you.

2006-11-09 11:20:58 · 4 answers · asked by Hi 7

Christopher Walken

2006-11-09 11:18:19 · 15 answers · asked by Egg 1

There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What is it?

2006-11-09 11:15:58 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-11-09 11:15:28 · 6 answers · asked by emme_adies 1

A woman goes into a pub and sees a sexy black guy at the bar. She goes up to him and says “I want you to take me home, tie me up, and do what black guys do best”. So, the black guy takes her home, ties her up and steals her TV.

2006-11-09 11:13:10 · 20 answers · asked by Egg 1

my friend told me today if I could answer this question he would give me 5 dollars. the question is "drink of dog" exactly as I wrote it, I already tried water and his dogs name but he said I am wrong any ideas?

2006-11-09 11:11:06 · 3 answers · asked by Garlik luvr 2

They had on their glitter and paper hats and tampax hanging from their ears, when i asked "why the tampax" one girl said "well its only for the Christmas period"

2006-11-09 11:09:40 · 19 answers · asked by chris w. 7

The man who invented it doesn t want it. The man who bought it doesn t need it. the man who needs it doesn t know it. What is it.

2006-11-09 11:09:30 · 12 answers · asked by vixen 1

The man who needs it doesn t know it. What is it

2006-11-09 11:01:59 · 14 answers · asked by vixen 1

The man who needs it doesn t know it. What is it

2006-11-09 11:01:29 · 7 answers · asked by vixen 1

You know the story about Lorena Bobbit - how she cut her husband’s penis off. She then jumped in her car still clutching his tool for a couple of miles down the freeway when she realised she had it so she threw it out of the car window that night and when she did so it smacked into the windscreen of a car following. It just happened that the following car`s occupants were a pair of old drunks when THUD the prick hit the windscreen and one drunk turned to his mate and said "did you see the size of the c o ck on that moth".

2006-11-09 10:59:25 · 19 answers · asked by Egg 1

any suggestions for a good name ?

2006-11-09 10:49:54 · 16 answers · asked by ? 5

all of a sudden a bleeping noise appears. American looked up and said" Oh its my cell phone i have a chip in my ear i will answer it", Japanese bloke looks up. "oh its my paiger i have a chip in my arm better answer it," Irish man not to be outdone went to the toilet and came back with a long piece of toilet roll hanging from his bum " Oh bejaysus would ya look at that i'm getting a fax"

2006-11-09 10:46:24 · 17 answers · asked by chris w. 7

You stick a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

2006-11-09 10:41:24 · 12 answers · asked by zazarulz2 2

what's the difference between a rooster and a homo?
the rooster goes cockadoodle doo, the homo goes any kock will do.

2006-11-09 10:38:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Trifle

2006-11-09 10:25:18 · 13 answers · asked by Warlock Fiend 4

2006-11-09 10:21:09 · 23 answers · asked by Muff 1

dog was barking like crazy in the neighbours garden "For Gods sake go and shut that bloody dog up "says the woman." Its 2 o clock in the morning" says hubby "do i have too,"" yes go on be a man and sort it out." Off he goes and 10 minutes later he gets back in to bed." The bloody dog is barking louder than ever now i thought you were going to sort it out," " I have" says the man" Iv'e put it in our garden to see how they like it".

2006-11-09 10:19:16 · 18 answers · asked by chris w. 7

the engineer told me before he died, ahumm ahumm
the engineer told me before he died he new a maid who couldent be satisfied, ahumm ahumm
so he built a pri*k of steel, ahumm ahumm
so he built a pri*k of steel driven by a whacking great wheel , ahumm ahumm
two brass balls all filled with cream, ahumm ahumm
two brass balls all filled with cream the whole dam thing was powerd by steam, ahumm ahumm
up and up went the level of steam, ahumm ahumm
up and up went the level of steam down and down came the level of cream, ahumm ahumm
then he heard the maiden cry, ahumm ahumm
then he heard the maiden cry she said i am satisfied, ahumm ahumm
now we come to the tragic bit, ahumm ahumm
now we come to the tragic bit theres no way of stopping it, ahumm ahumm
the maid was split from c**t to t*t, ahumm ahumm
the maid was split from c**t to t*t the whole dam thing was covered in sh*t, ahumm ahumm

2006-11-09 10:16:36 · 16 answers · asked by compo 2

Peep this y'all ........I rolled out tha door....now I'm rollin' back the
prices....gotta keep real....cuz I still got my vice's!!!

2006-11-09 10:13:33 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-09 10:10:37 · 11 answers · asked by ? 5

Every body add one line to the story and let's see how it comes out. lol Have fun with it but keep it clean.

2006-11-09 10:09:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am on house arrest. Not to much longer to go. Give me the date I get off and you get the ten points.

2006-11-09 10:06:47 · 10 answers · asked by melucknope 1

one cold dark night, Suddenly a knock at the door." Its 2 oclock in the morning who could it be" says she. " Go and see who it is" Husband goes downcstairs and 5 minutes later comes back up to bed. "who was it" asks the wife" Just a bloke wanting to know if i would give him a push so i told him its raining its the middle of the night f*uck off. " You rotton thing she says go and help him and give him a push how would you like it. Ok Ok so off he goes back down stairs opened the door and he can't see the man anywhere, ya hoo ooooooo where are you, "Over here said the man on the swings..........

2006-11-09 09:59:23 · 23 answers · asked by chris w. 7

There is a potato family with 2 parents and 3 daughters.
At dinner, the first daughter says "I have amazing news! I am getting married!" the father asks "to who?" The first daughter replies "to a russet". The father says "well a russet is a fine tater indeed"
The 2nd daughter says that she is also getting married. The father asks "to who?" the second daughter replies "to an Idaho". The father says "AN Idaho? an Idaho is a fine tater indeed"
The 3rd daughter also says that she is getting married. The father asks to who. The daughter replies "To Dan Rather". The Father says "DAN RATHER!!, but he is a common tater!"

please give thumbs up if you like it thanks! that way i can know how good these jokes are, thanks.

2006-11-09 09:57:17 · 11 answers · asked by Creston M 2

((( Ring))) ((( ring)))
"Hello"
"Hi honey, this is daddy, is mommy near the phone/
"No daddy, shes upstears in the bedroom with uncle frank."

After a brief pause, daddy says, "but honey, you haven't got an uncle frank."
"oh yes i do, and he's upstairs in the room with mommy right now."

Brief pause...
"Uh,okay then, this is what i want you to do put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to mommy that daddy's car just pulled onto the drive way."
"okay daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
" I did it daddy."
" And what happened honey."
"well, mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then tripped and over the rug!"
" oh my god!!! what about your uncle frank?"
"he jumped out the window and into the swimming pool. but i i guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. he hit the bottom of the pool and i think he's

2006-11-09 09:53:03 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young fellow was about to be married and was
asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how
often you should have it. His grandfather told
him that when you first get married, you want
it all the time...and maybe do it several
times a day.

Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a
week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex
maybe once a month. When you get really old, you
are lucky to have it once a year.....maybe on
your anniversary. The young fellow then asked
his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma
now?" His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have
oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" the young
fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to
bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my
bedroom. And she yells, 'F***You!!!!!' and I
holler back, "F*** You too."

please give thumbs up if you like it,thanks!

2006-11-09 09:52:38 · 16 answers · asked by Creston M 2

and the Doctor told him the bad news, I'm afraid you need to have your testicles removed." We only have 2 enormous ones the size of footballs or no one would no the difference if we gave you 2 pickled onions". "ok" says the man "go for it." The week after man goes back to doctors and says, "You know when you get that feeling when you see a busty gorgeous blonde well i get it when i see a cheese sandwich."

2006-11-09 09:52:14 · 14 answers · asked by chris w. 7