Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

A Jamaican man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table,

>>>>notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone.
>>>> He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle
of

>>>>champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it,
she

>>>>will be his.
>>>>
>>>>The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it over to the young
>>>>lady, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne

>>>>and decides to send a note back to the Jamaican.
>>>> The note reads:
>>>>"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your

>>>>garage, a million in the bank and 9 inches in your trousers,"
>>>> After reading this note, the Jamaican sends one of his own back
to
her.
>>>> It reads: "Jus su yuh know - Mi ave a bran new Benz an' a bran
new

>>>>Bimma park up inna mi yaad, an mi ave hova ten millian inna mye
>>>>bank, but nuhbaddy, an' mi mean NUHBADDY, nah guh mek mi cut off 3

>>>>inches off a wah mi 'ave inna mi pants. Suh yuh can jus SEN' back

>>>>di bakkle a champagne

2006-10-19 20:09:23 · 22 answers · asked by ztt_66 2

Last time, we had this following riddle:

How are playing cards like wolves?
A: They both come in packs!

Heheh. And here is today's riddle:

Why did the walls get arrested?

Have fun! :)

2006-10-19 19:32:06 · 7 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

What do you do to get to 1st 2nd and 3rd base?

2006-10-19 19:22:35 · 7 answers · asked by Meeshell 3

The answer is pretty lame, but I was bored.

2006-10-19 19:00:54 · 8 answers · asked by Ravenra 3

Granny likes coffe but she doesnt like tea!
Granny likes Diet Coke but doesnt like Coke!
Granny likes tables but doesnt like chairs!
Granny likes night but hates the dark!
Granny likes TV but hates movies!

2006-10-19 18:43:03 · 13 answers · asked by Girl Next Door! 1

A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was "$100 = 100% - I get an A."

A month later, the student approached the professor. "I don't understand," he said. "I failed the course. Didn't you read my final?" The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase "$50 = 50% - You fail!"

#

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

#

The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."


^_^

2006-10-19 18:30:21 · 18 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

Ten toes up
Ten toes down
Two little butts going
Round and round....


do you know what this is?




heres a hint :this is not a dirty joke my twelve year old son told it to me and he heard it from his coach

2006-10-19 18:12:28 · 14 answers · asked by angel 2

what does barbie use at a tampon?
a tic-tac

what do elephants use as tampons?
sheep

what's the moral of this story???
never buy a red woolen jumper

2006-10-19 17:57:58 · 4 answers · asked by pcdo_universe 4

Be careful what you say............
It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was
topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for
six generations.".
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of Be careful what you say............
It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude
was
topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed
hypnotist
do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he
announced,
"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be
put
into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the
audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique
pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for
six
generations.".
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd
became
mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its
polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying
watch,
until, suddenly,----- it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell
to
the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"Crap!" said the Hypnotist...
It took three weeks to clean up the senior center

2006-10-19 17:52:14 · 10 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-10-19 17:21:01 · 6 answers · asked by catchup 3

2006-10-19 17:10:50 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

mother superior makes an anouncement:
-sisters, today we're having bananas for desert.
-yyaaaaayyyy!!
-sliced and diced.
-aaawwwww.....

2006-10-19 17:10:07 · 13 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3

close close
comfort comfort comfort comfort..

2006-10-19 16:38:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

a company boss has decidedthat he can no longer afford to pay all of his employees and he has to lay off one of his employees. after thinking about it for a very long time he's decided that he'll get rid of either martha or jack but who he wasn't sure. After a long hard think he decides that who ever goes to get a drink from of water the fountain the next morning will be the one he lays off. early the next morning martha goes to get a drink to have with her panadol. "martha" the boss says "can you come into my office please?" when she gets in he closes the door and says " im sorry but i have to lay you or jack off" "well, could you jack off" sge replied "im a bit hungover"

2006-10-19 16:34:17 · 7 answers · asked by pcdo_universe 4

2006-10-19 16:24:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

please tell me a good dis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

2006-10-19 16:24:30 · 5 answers · asked by hilol 1

2006-10-19 16:23:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-19 16:22:14 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-19 16:20:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-19 16:19:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

(Example) Yeah...I know what it is...I heard my brother stub his toe and it could be heard all over the house.

2006-10-19 15:49:55 · 10 answers · asked by redcoat7121 4

Men are like pennies.

No matter how many you have it, just never seems to be enough.

2006-10-19 15:43:06 · 21 answers · asked by mdboomskwad.mc4u 4

two faced and worthless.

2006-10-19 15:33:26 · 19 answers · asked by EMO cupcake 4

What happened to Cinderella when she got to the ball?





She choked.

2006-10-19 15:31:29 · 25 answers · asked by ☼Divine Wind☼ 3

It's going to have a "cast" of thousands! It won't be X rated, R rated or PG13. Word has it the movie is "Cast" rated! Are you going?

2006-10-19 15:29:43 · 4 answers · asked by redcoat7121 4

2006-10-19 15:23:40 · 10 answers · asked by redcoat7121 4

If they do...why is a duck?

2006-10-19 15:16:14 · 20 answers · asked by redcoat7121 4

No curse words plis.

2006-10-19 15:03:37 · 11 answers · asked by Jessica 1

The newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal.

"No," he said, "I don't believe I'll need it. I'll just grab onto her ears and hold on 'til she gets used to it."

2006-10-19 15:02:02 · 16 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A handsome guy has no success with women because of his terrible eyesight & he's too vain to wear glasses. He meets a stunning girl at a country club & they go for a walk. Walking down a country lane he secretly takes a pin from under his lapel and sticks it in a tree. They walk on for about a mile, stop, have a bit of a necking session, and begin walking back. 500 yards from the tree he turns to her & says....'Will you you look at that pin sticking out of that tree. The girls astounded to find sure enough the pin in the tree....'You must have fantastic eyesight to see that pin from 500 yards,' she says impressed. They decide to take a short cut over a field and a bull starts to charge them.....' Run' she says and does off. The guy grabs the bull by the horns and a fierce struggle takes place. After half an hour the bull gives up and trots off. The girl says...'That was the bravest thing i've seen'...He says.....'Darlin', if I had got the bas**rd off his bike I would have killed him!'

2006-10-19 14:56:05 · 11 answers · asked by kev3753 1