know any good jokes?

Question

No curse words plis.

Answer 1

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are in a barn.

The cop comes and they all hide inside sacks.

The cop kicks the sack with the brunette. She goes, "woof woof!" the cop says "oh, it's only a dog."

The cop kicks the sack with the red head. She goes, "meow meow." The cop says, "Oh, it's only a cat."

The cop kicks the sack with the blonde. She goes "potato potato!"

Answer 2

A blonde is really flustered while driving her car.

She's on her way to the biggest job interview she's ever had for a job she really, really wants. But, as luck would have it, there's not a parking space to be found anywhere near her destination.

Almost out of time and sure to be late, desperately she casts her eyes skyward and prays, "God, help me find a parking place. I promise I'll go to church every Sunday, and give up Tequila and sex for the rest of my life!"

Miraculously, a parking spot appears right where it needs to be.

Again, glancing skyward, she says, "Never mind. I found one!"

OR

A minister, a priest and a rabbi are sharing lunch at a seminar they are attending together. Abortion was a topic of discussion.

As, they dined, a discussion began about when life actually begins.

The good reverend opines, "Life begins at the moment of birth."

The priest, politely disagreeing, says, "No my friend, you are wrong. Life begins at the moment of conception."

The rabbi, smiling sagely, offers, "I'm sorry but you're both incorrect. Life begins," he said from experience, "when the dog dies and the kids move out."

Answer 3

Some really old ones.... A blonde walks in to get her hair cut and makes only one request, that the headphones she is wearing not be removed. Well the stylist gets curious and removes them. The blonde dies. The stylists listens to the headphones and hears "Breathe in, Breathe out."

Some blondes are celebrating in a bar. So a guy walks up to them and asks what they are so happy about. They tell him that it only took them an hour to do a puzzle that said three years and up.

A blonde, a red head and a brunette are caught doing something illegal and are going to be shot by a firing squad. The red head gets up and yells earthquake and everybody scatters and she gets away. The brunette gets up and yells "Tornado!" and everybody runs away and she gets away. The blonde gets up and yells "Fire!!"

Enjoy ;-)

Answer 4

When I was young, I lived in a deserted kampong deep in the
jungle. Every night, my mother would ask me not to go home
too late as there won't be any transportation after a
certain time.

One night, before going home, I ta pao a kueh teow soup (noodle) for supper. I was late and I waited for the taxi/bus but there was none. I was getting worried as the night was getting
darker and darker. So I tried to flag down private vehicles
to take me home.

There was no one stopping for me, till one motorcyclist finally stopped to give me a lift. He was a man with a kind face. I accepted his offer and got onto his motorbike.

On the way home, we would pass by a temple. At
night, the temple would look eerily spooky with the dim lights from the candles.

At first, the motorcyclist was warm and friendly. When the temple was approaching, the motorcyclist eyes grown bigger and bigger. His kind face turned to a face of anger. He was muttering something loud but was not audible to me. I was so scared that I closed my eyes in order not to see his angry face.
Then, the motorcylist stopped in front of the temple and
then yelled at me.

"Your kueh teow soup is so hot!! It is burning my thigh! Can
you please move it away!!!!"


Plz vote me for the best answer ^_^

Answer 5

A Blonde was speeding down the Highway when she gets pulled over by a Blonde policewomen.

The cop says, "M'am, can I see your driver's license and registration, please?"

The Blonde chick in the car says,"Well, here's my registration, but I can't seem to find my license. What does it look like?"

"It's a small rectangle and it has your picture on it."

"Oh, I found it! Here you go," says the blonde chick and hands the policewomen a small mirror.

The cop looks at the mirror and hands it back to the chick in the car and says, "Sorry for bothering you, m'am, I didn't realize you were a cop."

Answer 6

a woman was in a coma and while the nurses were giving her a sponge bath, one of them noticed a change in the monitor when she washed the womans' private parts. running out to get the husband, they told him what happened and suggested maybe oral sex would bring her out of her coma. he refused at first but finally relented as the nurses pulled the curtain, left the room and gave him privacy. after a few minutes, the alarm on the breathing machine went off and they ran in to find the woman had flat-lined. asking the man what happened, he replied " she must have choked".

Answer 7

A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods.

The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with poo sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit replied, "No, not at all."

So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

Answer 8

Two men walk into a bar. One man turns to the other and says "You didn't see it either?"

Answer 9

How many women does it take to repair a house?
None - they call Mike Holmes

Answer 10

Two old women sitting in church. One looks at the other and whispers, "Ethel, you have something in you ear."

Ethel responds, "Whaaat?"

Her friend again tells her, "You have something in your ear."

Again, Ethel says, "Whaaaaaaat?"

So her friend reaches over, pulls out the obstruction, and says, "This was stuck in your ear."

Ethel asks, "What is it?"

Her friend tells her, "It looks like a suppository."

Ethel exclaims, "Guess that explains why I can't find my hearing aid."