can these lighten up your day?

Question

A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was "$100 = 100% - I get an A."

A month later, the student approached the professor. "I don't understand," he said. "I failed the course. Didn't you read my final?" The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase "$50 = 50% - You fail!"

#

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

#

The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."


^_^

Answer 1

Those are cute. I like the idiot joke.

Thanks.

Answer 2

I hope these can brighten yours I heard these most recently...

(Topic - What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? )

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty."


#


Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."


Wife cleverly replies: "I think you'll find, that is a sheep."

Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."



#



A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".



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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

* 2 litres of low fat milk
* a carton of eggs
* 2 litres of orange juice
* a head of lettuce
* half a dozen tomatoes
* a 500g jar of coffee
* a 250g pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, A drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in Front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The Drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Answer 3

On a roll already! Great way to start a friday. Keep them coming Ettezzil!

Answer 4

Hehe, it is giant! :) My canines do the balancing nutrition on the nostril trick. this is cute! they are frequently impatient now and again, yet are exceptionally solid about waiting until eventually I provide the signal to expose it up and capture the take care of. they prefer something with regards to treats.

Answer 5

The first one was stupid, But the other two made me smile.

Answer 6

The 2nd one was my favorite

Answer 7

The last one is amazing.

Answer 8

Awesome =)

Answer 9

simple but nice humour

Answer 10

hahaha! thats soooooooooooo cute!