Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-20 05:56:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

i'll start, this sandwich walks into a bar andsays, i'll have a pint please, the barman says, sorry i dont serve food

HURRAH

hopefully you can do better.

2006-10-20 05:44:20 · 37 answers · asked by dark-knight 2

2006-10-20 05:42:28 · 5 answers · asked by Salami and Orange Juice 5

Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor. Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do push-ups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing.
One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley why he excercised all day.
Stanley said, "Look pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the right time comes, I am going to be that one."
A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter and hotter, and they knew that it was getting to be their time to go. They were released abruptly and, sure enough, there was Stanley swimming far ahead of all the others.
All of a sudden, Stanley stopped, turned around, and began to swim back with all his might. "Go back!! Go back!!!" he screamed. "It's a ********!"

2006-10-20 05:36:22 · 24 answers · asked by hazelshine 4

a gypsy or an elf?

2006-10-20 05:35:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 . The nicest thing about the future is that it always
starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will
make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're
in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is
afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all
night?

7. Business conventions are important because they
demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger
than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who
wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more
publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a
wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

13. Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a
game." when his team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way
you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not
everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have
thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And RAP music
will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more
comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching
in every joint, you are probably dead.

2006-10-20 04:53:52 · 19 answers · asked by Mrs. Butler ♥2 B♥ 5

1) That's not right .................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive?........ Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP.......................... Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man .......................... Dum Fuk

5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table .. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift ........ Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here .............. Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet ..... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone ........... No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week.. Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight ............... Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile ....... Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive ........ Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great ................................ Fa Kin Su Pah

2006-10-20 04:50:23 · 71 answers · asked by Janey 3

Do you just put a nipple on it ?

2006-10-20 04:48:41 · 7 answers · asked by ? 2

two men were talking about how famous they were. first was aj and second was joe. aj said that he was known by everyone. so they bet a 1000 $ in it. aj said that the us president knew him so they went to the white house. the guards said "hey aj u no u should not be seen walking, u sould come in a lomo". joe was stunned. after few time a big stretch limo stopped and the president came out and said "hey aj u shold visit me sometimes".
aj told that even the queen of england knows him. so they went to england and the queen greeted them and threw a party in name of aj. after that aj told that even the pope knew him. they went to rome and aj went inside the church and met the pope who was standing in the balcony. they were talking like they were longtime friends. then a man came from beind and asked aj a question and he fainted. what was the question??

2006-10-20 04:03:45 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

when americans first went to space, they found that the pen they had developed leaks in high altitude. so they spend millions of dollars in researching a pen which woud not leak in high altitude or space abd which could be written upside down. wht did the russians took to the space to write with.

2006-10-20 04:02:57 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-20 03:58:35 · 15 answers · asked by ? 4

The first missing word of each sentence is 6 letters long, the second missing word is 5 letters long, and the third missing word is 4 letters long. All the 6 letter words are anagrams (I have defined anagram below) of each other, as are all the 5 letter words, and all the 4 letter words. Can you fill in the blanks?
An anagram is a word, phrase, or sentence formed from another by rearranging its letters: “Angel” is an anagram of “glean.”

1) Nobody would ______ to the old pirate any more, because his _____ were far too __.

2) The fans were ______ as the opposition managed to _____ the game from the home ____.

3) When he decided to ______, he did not expect _____ bread with his ____ every meal.

4) On many of the lake's ______ in the Spring, _____ will be out looking for a ____.

2006-10-20 03:57:31 · 5 answers · asked by JUNONNKI 3

you can't be snow white because i am snow white:)

2006-10-20 03:55:52 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-10-20 03:52:59 · 24 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-10-20 03:50:23 · 5 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-10-20 03:46:34 · 15 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-10-20 03:40:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy goes in to a restauraunt and orders Octopus.

The waiter tells him they have live Octupi in a tank, and asks if he would like to choose his own meal? The man accepts and walks up to the tank.

Although there are many fine, healthy specemins, the man's eye is draw to this tiny, grass coloured Octopus with a moustache. He decides he wants this one for his meal. The waiter nods and calls for the head chef.

"Yofais!" ,he called out (for 'twas the chef's name). Yofais comes out of the kitchen, celaver in hand, and picks up the little Octopus and drags him back in to the kitchen.

However, when he gets there the little Octopus looks up at him with this big, sad doe eyes and Yofais can't bring himself to kill the little critter, so he decides to call on the guy who washes the dishes.

"Hans!" he cries (for 'twas his name) "Come over here and kill this Octopus". Hans comes over, raises the knife, but again, the Octopus looks at him with those big, sad doe eyes, and Hans...

2006-10-20 03:37:49 · 44 answers · asked by people are scum 4

a minger or a wino?

2006-10-20 03:35:53 · 26 answers · asked by markhatter 6

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"First check for bees."

2006-10-20 03:26:59 · 13 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Did you hear the one about the leprechaun lathe operator?

... turned himeself into a toadstool

2006-10-20 03:17:52 · 13 answers · asked by Professor 1

Mind you i was driving a hearse at the time

2006-10-20 03:17:09 · 26 answers · asked by ? 2

Hippo and Goose have been really down lately. Possibly because the winter is coming and they can't stay out till all hours playing with their friends.
Mrs Pilkinton has decided that she will prepare a surprise treat for them on Sunday. What do you think would cheer them both up and let them see that winter can be fun too?

2006-10-20 03:16:19 · 4 answers · asked by markhatter 6

2006-10-20 03:13:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-20 03:12:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is funny to some may not be so funny to others, think about it.

2006-10-20 03:11:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

not being used to having money he wanders into a run down jewellery shop on the outskirts of the town, the man behind the counter, seizes the opportunity to make some easy money and begins to describe the latest watch to the man, satellite controlled time, world wide time zones at the press of a button, never loses a second, due to the laser controlled mechanism. The man is so immpressed with all the futuristic features, he hands over a large wad of cash there and then and happily goes home. later that evening, he's sat in front of the telly with his family and the ten o'clock news comes on, pleased with himself the man elaborately brings his watch up in front of him, making sure those sat around, get a glimpse of his fine timepiece, his face drops when he sees that his watch reads 7.55. He leans over to his son and cracks him over the head, 'have you been fcucking around with that tv again?!'

2006-10-20 03:09:37 · 26 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

do women really like...... how should i put this?? do women like a man that is....... i am trying to put it into words but it is hard to, because i have a lack of this!! mine is not that big, in fact it is almost not even there!! many men are like this i am sure of, just the other day i was talking to my buddy about this and he agreed with me, he has a tiny one. he said it is so small that his wife gets depressed!! anyway, my question, do women like a man with a humongous bank account, because look here sister, i have the tiniest one of them all, ahahahahahaha

2006-10-20 03:09:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

get angry at a bad joke

2006-10-20 03:09:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just heard that from a friend.

2006-10-20 03:05:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous