Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

There are five acquaintances. One of them shot and killed one of the other five. Which man is the murderer? 1. Dan ran in the NY City marathon yesterday with one of the innocent men. 2. Mike considered being a farmer before he moved to the city. 3. Jeff is a top-notch computer consultant and wants to install Ben?s new computer next week. 4. The murderer had his leg amputated last month. 5. Ben met Jack for the first time six months ago. 6. Jack has been in seclusion since the crime. 7. Dan used to drink heavily. 8. Ben and Jeff built their last computers together. 9. The murderer is Jack's brother; they grew up together in Seattle.

2006-10-21 13:14:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-21 13:11:32 · 13 answers · asked by da bomb 1

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.
The first guy said, ''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''

The second guy said, ''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night when I was driving home i got pulled over and I got a DWI.''

The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''

Then the first guy said, ''No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

2006-10-21 13:08:31 · 24 answers · asked by acemum 2

Yesterday's tomarrow is today, but today is yesterday's tomarrow.

2006-10-21 13:07:05 · 16 answers · asked by honeyfairy5 2

if you put a long condom on a long prick and a short condom on a short prick, what do you put on a thick prick?


answer


a Man United football shirt

2006-10-21 12:55:50 · 27 answers · asked by acemum 2

two dwarfs pull two girls and take them home.
first dwarf can't get it up and to make matters worse all night long he can hear the second dwarf saying
" here i come again 1-2-3 uuggh"
the next morning the first dwarf says to the second
" how embarassing, i couldn't get an erection"
the second dwarf says
"if you think thats bad, i couldn't even get on the f*cking bed!"

2006-10-21 12:49:50 · 30 answers · asked by acemum 2

What has a mouth, but never eats?; What has a bed, but never sleeps?; What runs and never gets tired?

2006-10-21 12:42:33 · 22 answers · asked by zazarulz2 2

A guy from Arkansas passed away and left his entire estate

to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.



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How can you tell if a Arkansas redneck is married?

There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.



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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32?

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.



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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Arkansas?

Documentaries.



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Where was the toothbrush invented?

Arkansas. If it had been invented anywhere else,

it would have been called a teeth brush.



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An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64 and says to the driver,

"Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout whut?"

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Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?

(Come'on this is funny!)

The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.



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The governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down!

Yep. Pert near took out the whole trailer park.

The library was a total loss, too.

Both books - poof! up in flames,

and they hadn't even finished coloring one of them.



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A new law was recently passed in Arkansas . .

When a couple gets divorced they are STILL cousins.



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At the scene of the accident a trooper asked the Arkansas

driver what gear he was in at the moment of impact.

He replied, "tractor hat and camouflage hunting outfit"



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Folks in Arkansas now go to movies in groups of 18.

They were told "17 and under are not admitted".



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An Arkansas man spoke frantically into the phone,

'my wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.

"No ya dummy" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

2006-10-21 12:35:09 · 13 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

2006-10-21 12:34:53 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

what comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a century? this is soooo easy if you guys dont know this write the word wimpy on ur hand!!!!

2006-10-21 12:30:48 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

between eating a pot-induced hamster and eating a pot-induced gerbil, which one would you choose?

2006-10-21 12:20:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

six men six days to dig six holes, how long will it take one man to dig half a hole?

2006-10-21 12:18:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

they played 5 games each and won the same number of games. there were no draws or stalemates, so how could this have happened?

2006-10-21 12:15:53 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

His choice was between Jack or Jill. His dilemma was-whether to lay Jill or Jack off.

2006-10-21 12:10:40 · 6 answers · asked by ? 4

answer ..........Paul macartney

2006-10-21 11:57:30 · 23 answers · asked by mickeok 1

On a recent trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen
Elizabeth.

He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"

"That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent
ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he asked.

" You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button
and said,
"Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for
me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your
brother. Who was this child ?"

Blair replied, "That`s easy. The child was me. "

"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff,
Karl Rove.

He said to him, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important.
Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your
brother. Who was this child?"

Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the
answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a
while?"

"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them
the riddle.

But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a
satisfactory answer.

So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.

As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of
State Colin Powell approaching him.

So he said, "Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents
had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was
the child?"

"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me ."

"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!"

So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, "I think I
know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair….!"

2006-10-21 11:46:56 · 29 answers · asked by untanuta 5

Im Really Old but sometimes new, never empty, sometimes full, never pushes, always pulls, What am i??

2006-10-21 11:40:44 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
















ANSWER: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

How long did it take you to get it? Thought it was a good brain teaser please feel free to give your personal favorite brain teaser!

My husband had to finally explain it to me he got it after about 30 seconds maybe less! It is very simple once you figure it out like most braine teasers

2006-10-21 11:35:29 · 24 answers · asked by impala1972 2

Red man tickle,Blackman Butt,and White man jump on top.
If you get this one right,you are amazing,its something people do every day.

2006-10-21 11:21:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-21 11:17:52 · 11 answers · asked by kboo 2

A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that
when she married she was to please her husband and never
upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the
young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making
love and she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes
and she let a big fart. She looked up and said, "Excuse
please, front hole so happy back hole whistle!"

2006-10-21 11:12:15 · 19 answers · asked by ? 2

me and a group of girlie friends were drunk one night and phoned our local club asking for mike hunt....it took the poor guy ages to realise we were being silly!!
Whta have you guys done?

2006-10-21 11:08:15 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you get the point

2006-10-21 10:49:03 · 22 answers · asked by colin050659 6

2006-10-21 10:44:29 · 4 answers · asked by zoe w 1

"demise would be preferable to the festivity"

You mortlas know how this works - find the well know phrase that could explain the above.
Enlightened souls will find this effortless - I expect a correct answer in under 5 min, but plodders have up to one hour.
I await your juvenile spewings.

2006-10-21 10:23:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Doc is getting impatient... i want to go back in time and save the Titanic, stop those Al Quiedas on 9/11 , save Kennedy and change my Mega Millions #s

2006-10-21 10:22:47 · 7 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

After a couple of hours of going on all the rides Cecil turns to Sidney and say's 'Let's go on the Big wheel.'
But Sidney refuses 'You go on sweety, I'll stay here and wave.'
So Cecil goes on the ride and everytime he goes round he waves to his lover. After the wheel has been round about 5 or 6 times the the whole things starts going faster and faster. Suddenly Cecil carriage flys off and he lands in a heap. Sidney runs up to him and say's 'Cecil are you ok? Are you hurt?'
Of cause I'm hurt, I've been round loads of times and you never waved to me once.'

2006-10-21 10:01:41 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Yorkshire costal conurbation does not have any queers proclaimed the man-made stretchy fabic clad lady before scoring a goal.

What well know phrase could (with a fair bit of tweaking) explain the above.

I await you response - one hour max.

2006-10-21 09:29:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

the sky was dark.
the moon was high.
all alone just her and i.
her hair was soft ,
her eyes so blue.
i just knew what she wanted to do.
her skin so soft,her legs so fine.
i ran my fingers down her spine.
i dont know how but i tried my best.
i placed my hand upon her breast.
shaky hands,fast beating heart.
i slowly spread her legs apart.
when i did i felt no shame.
all at once the white stuff came.
now its finished ,its over now.
my first time ever,milking a cow

2006-10-21 09:10:36 · 39 answers · asked by arfa54321 5

I'm round but always around, i'm light sometimes and dark sometimes and both sometimes. Everyone wants to walk on me but only half of me you'll ever have.

2006-10-21 09:05:22 · 19 answers · asked by SASHANYA W 1