Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-22 13:18:05 · 25 answers · asked by Spot ♥'s Fall Out Boy 3

By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded." -- Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager," and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired travelers assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning Dave came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Dave. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," Dave explained." I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

2006-10-22 13:17:30 · 19 answers · asked by Dharshi 2

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young blonde woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

2006-10-22 13:15:33 · 23 answers · asked by Woody 3

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in; he realizes it's a gay bar.

"But what the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your weewee?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that, all I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your weewee. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It,' and that guy down at the end of the bar calls his, Snickers, because it really 'Satisfies.' "

The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile "Timex, cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One."

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY, 'Like A Rock.' " and gives a wink.

Even more shaken the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name. He exclaims, "The name of my weewee is 'SECRET.' Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the Cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asked, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN."

2006-10-22 13:12:28 · 14 answers · asked by Woody 3

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt
It lies behind stars and under hills
And empty holes it fills
It comes first and follows after
ends life, kills laughter.

try 2 guess the name of the book its in also.

2006-10-22 13:05:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

when you cross a apple with a nun?

2006-10-22 13:03:08 · 3 answers · asked by Spot ♥'s Fall Out Boy 3

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

2006-10-22 13:02:09 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 13:00:04 · 11 answers · asked by brianinbuffalo 1

2006-10-22 12:56:12 · 11 answers · asked by Spot ♥'s Fall Out Boy 3

You know they say bread lands butter side down, and cats always land on their feet ...

If you tied the bread butter side up to the cat's back and threw it out of a window, which would it be??

2006-10-22 12:54:34 · 23 answers · asked by Funky Little Spacegirl 6

1 door closes, 9 open. When 9 close, 1 door opens. What is it?

2006-10-22 12:47:41 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 12:47:31 · 15 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

2006-10-22 12:45:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 12:44:58 · 28 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

2006-10-22 12:44:26 · 7 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

2006-10-22 12:43:53 · 9 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

2006-10-22 12:42:53 · 17 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

2006-10-22 12:42:14 · 5 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

2006-10-22 12:41:43 · 12 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

2006-10-22 12:41:15 · 11 answers · asked by Lipstick 6

what do you call a afghan flying a plane?


ill give you a answer after three replies

2006-10-22 12:39:23 · 7 answers · asked by Spot ♥'s Fall Out Boy 3

2006-10-22 12:31:45 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

dear husband im leaving u today when u came home from work yesterday u didnt notice my haircut u didnt eat after i made u my favorite dinner and u didnt aknowledge my new nitie u just came home and went to bed i called your work today and your boss said u quit so im guessing your having an affair of your own so now im going to mexico with your brother carl dear ex wife yesterday i did notice your hair cut but i thought u looked like a man and i was raised if u cant say nothing nice to keep your moth shut u must of confused my favorite meal with my brothers cuz i aint ate pork in 7 years i did notice your nitie but u left the price tag on 49.99 and it seemed weired that i loaned my brother 50 dollars today i did quit my job today because i won the million dollar lottery and bought us tickets to jaimaica only to come home to find your letter my lawyer says with your letter here u wont get a dime of it n the divorce n my brother carl was born carla hope that not a problem

2006-10-22 12:30:05 · 9 answers · asked by mystical 2

2006-10-22 12:27:38 · 6 answers · asked by pepperpizzapal 1

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes. That's the best I could do under the circumstaces.

2006-10-22 12:26:14 · 21 answers · asked by Grandma of six 5

A man goes into a repair shop to get his watch fixed. But when he sees that the girl running the store is extremely hot, he unzips his pants and lays his johnson on the counter.

Sir, what are you doing? This is a clock shop! the shocked girl shouts.

I know, he replies. I'd like to get a pair of hands and a face put on this.

2006-10-22 12:24:29 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

My host body grow weary.. one last inquest.

The fist word from the solution to 1, and the first 2 words to the solution to puzzle 2 can be used to elucidate the identity of a seasonal fictional princess. Who is she and why?

2006-10-22 12:11:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma comefirst. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country......we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex heh? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell MISSISSIPPI'."

2006-10-22 12:10:40 · 11 answers · asked by kerri 3

Mine is: the scrotum - a design fault, excess elbow skin put in between mens legs to keep their balls so they don't have to hold them in their hand. although it didn't work!

2006-10-22 12:05:52 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 12:05:20 · 6 answers · asked by shonkamur 3