Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Are there guys or girls who want something to be asked and still there's no one that asked such question.I will be here at work for 1 hour and I am so bored.I don't know what to do for an hour:)

2006-10-23 01:15:09 · 14 answers · asked by bizi 1

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,'' I'd like to make a bet with you.'' The bartender replies, ''Sure I'm in a betting mood.''

So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can piss in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop. The bartender says, ''I'll take that bet.''
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.

After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, ''You owe me $1,000.'' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face. The bartender asked, ''How come you're so happy?'' The man replied, ''You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.''

2006-10-23 01:08:19 · 14 answers · asked by EL Big Ed 6

The beautiful secretary of a banker goes on a sight-seeing tour with a rich African king; an important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, since she can’t reject this guy outright she thought for a while and said "I will marry you under 3 conditions. First, my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring"
Nodding his head African king said, "No problem! I have. I have."
Realizing her first condition was easy she said, "I want you to build me a mansion in New York.
He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York. Then said to her, "Okay, I build. I build."
Realizing that she only has one last condition, she decided to have a tough one, thought a while and said, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed, sat down muttering in African dialect after few minutes he said, looking really sad, "OKAY, OKAY. I CUT. I CUT."

2006-10-23 00:43:01 · 21 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-10-23 00:34:08 · 19 answers · asked by xbaylortrkstar 1

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

'Well' he explained' By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen'.

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English fool and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.

'Well' he explained' By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen'.

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland fools and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously. When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.

'Well' he explained,' by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying 'Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure.......'

2006-10-23 00:06:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

i'm so curious about that question... please answer

2006-10-22 23:41:26 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

u can tell as many as u can.............

2006-10-22 23:36:09 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 23:28:55 · 7 answers · asked by talz_talz 3

A man decides too join the army they issue him with a toothbrush and toothpaste the next day the pulled out his wisdom teeth
The day after that he was issued with a comb and the day after that his head was shaved
The day after that the gave him a jockstrap the next day he was reported missing in action

2006-10-22 23:05:51 · 13 answers · asked by Scythe 1

2006-10-22 22:56:17 · 11 answers · asked by Dennis T 2

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****."

2006-10-22 22:46:58 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

the stained Blue Dress? After all the whole world knows about that Blue Dress.

They could have framed it and put up the caption: JISM IN BLUE

2006-10-22 22:22:47 · 8 answers · asked by barrettins 3

Democratic women or Republican Women?


It is Democratic Women off course. You never heard of a fine piece of Elephant now have you.

2006-10-22 22:09:35 · 12 answers · asked by barrettins 3

If Bull (S)hit were snow Washington, DC would be a ski resort

2006-10-22 22:06:15 · 7 answers · asked by barrettins 3

I have a joke (has to do with Jews) should I go ahead & share it or Jew people will take offense?

2006-10-22 22:03:18 · 13 answers · asked by marissa 4

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"And how did she look?"

"Oh boy, she looked very angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere. "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"

"She was watching us through the window."

2006-10-22 21:22:58 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

10. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.

9. She's been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don't recall proposing to her.

8. She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week.

7. She says she has to tell you something... on Jerry Springer.

6. Her love letters come soaked in formaldehyde rather than perfume.

5. Whenever she introduces you it's always "I would like you to meet an old friend of mine..."

4. She leaves a message on your phone and identifies herself by both her first and last names.

3. Your other girlfriend told you so.

2. The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.

1. Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, "You haven't got a clue, do you?"

2006-10-22 21:18:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

His wife confessed, "Not this time."

2006-10-22 21:15:25 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

2006-10-22 21:12:25 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 20:44:01 · 5 answers · asked by muthuvijayan6 1

A bloke in bed with his girlfriend and they have just done the wild thing,she gets up and says i"ve got to go to the loo.
While in the toilet, he dicides to go through the bedside drawers and find a picture of a really good looking bloke on the beach and starts to wonder who it is. He hears her coming back from the toilet so puts the picture back in a hurry. She procedes to climb back onto him and starts to caress and cuddle him. He askes her "Do you love me?" she replies "Of course I do, you are the only one for me, why do you ask?" He says "I found a picture of a really good looking bloke in the drawer and I was wondering who he is?" She replied "Don't worry abouth that, it was me before the operation!"

2006-10-22 20:37:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's another reason cinderella had to be home by midnight?Because at the stroke of midnight her diaphragm turns back into a trampoline..

2006-10-22 20:24:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you guess what I'm talking about?









It 's your butt-cheeks

2006-10-22 20:23:59 · 7 answers · asked by scummibear 4

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says:

"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:

"Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your porch swing."

2006-10-22 20:23:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 20:11:36 · 7 answers · asked by tim s 3

2006-10-22 20:02:23 · 8 answers · asked by Brandi C 1

2006-10-22 19:37:12 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time, we had this following riddle:

Tell me the reason why you shouldn't let young children talk to chickens.
A: Because the chickens use fowl languages!

Hehe. And here is today's riddle:

Sol is the name for our sun, a star. So what comes after it?

Good luck! :)

2006-10-22 19:33:41 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

who would thing farting in president bush's face be funny?

2006-10-22 19:04:46 · 14 answers · asked by dude 3

A Teacher is lecturing on population - In India, after every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A boy stands up- we must find her immediately & stop her!!.


------no offence meant to anyone-------

2006-10-22 19:03:22 · 12 answers · asked by asdf 1