Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

U see, During Gym Class, Mi friend and I exchange jokes. I REALLY need some. All the jokes I find on Yahoo! Answers are not funny enough 4 her.

Also, I belive in "quantity is better then quality". The more GOOD jokes u put down, the better chance u have of winning.

Peace out,
Mimi C ^^y

2006-10-28 05:03:38 · 9 answers · asked by Mimi C 3

2006-10-28 05:02:56 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

A farmer is having a barbeque with all his friends when his son runs up and shouts at the top of his voice"dad, dad the bull is fcuking a cow" his father is mortified and quickly takes his son aside and explains to him that he can't go round swearing in front of people as it is embarrasing and instead use the word"surprising" instead of "fcuking".
the next time the farmers having a party in comes the boy who yells at the top of his voice "dad dad the bull is surprising all the cows!" to which the farmer replys "son the bull cant possibly be surprising ALL the cows" and the son says"yes he is he's fcuking the horse"...................


getting worse?

2006-10-28 04:58:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A wife answers the door bell and a man asks her, "Lady, do you have a vagina?" and she slams the door shut. The next day the wife answers the door bell and its the same guy and he asks her, "Lady, do you have a vagina?" and she slams the door shut.
The woman tells her husband about the guy and he says he will stay home from work the next day and this time she should tell the man she has a vagina and see what happens. The door bell rings, the woman answers the door, the man asks, "Lady do you have a vagina?" to which she says, "Yes, I do."
The man then tells her, "Well then tell your husband to make use of it and stay away from my wife."

2006-10-28 04:57:30 · 11 answers · asked by togamadness 2

2006-10-28 04:54:00 · 19 answers · asked by velveteen 1

2006-10-28 04:52:32 · 12 answers · asked by GIRL HUNTER 2

hurried home to tell his mother that he has met a beautiful woman who wants to marry him .OH im delighted morris replied his mother,morris then said: mother! tomorrow i am going to bring three women back home and i want to see if you pick out the one im going to marry,ok morris whatever my boy,the next day morris brought home three beautiful yiddish ladies and introduced them to his mother,ok which one is my bride to be then,asked morris .His mother replied its the red head in the middle.morris replied: how did you know that? I dont LIKE Her, his mother replied

2006-10-28 04:48:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can anyone here explain exactly how you talk in a Donald Duck voice?

2006-10-28 04:40:59 · 7 answers · asked by First L 2

boy walks past his sisters bedroom,she has hand betweenlegs,shouting "I want a man,I want a man !he walks past a bit later,his sister is making love.that night sister walks past brothers bedroom,hes w*nking furiously,shouting"I want a bike,I want a bike!!

2006-10-28 04:32:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

does it take to change a light bulb...NONE ill just sit here in the dark until i go blind who am i to make a fuss,my son never visits,anyway! what do i need light for oy oy oy all i did was give birth to him,and who will pay the bill already!he dont even telephone ,am i dead i may as well be?light bulb shmite bulb.yabber de yabber de yakety yak...................

2006-10-28 04:25:16 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

just type anything

2006-10-28 04:16:36 · 29 answers · asked by bryan_ryz 1

1.Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

2.OK, so what's the speed of dark?

3.Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

4.If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?

5.If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?

6.If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

7.The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business... didn't they see it coming?

8.Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?

9.Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

10.If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

11.Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

12.When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

13.Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

14.Why is the word abbreviation so long?

2006-10-28 04:01:15 · 11 answers · asked by springreed 2

Squirrel ****!!!

2006-10-28 03:44:25 · 5 answers · asked by Limeboy 1

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!

The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.

The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish."

The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

2006-10-28 03:41:02 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ***." The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus" With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise I'm the bus driver."

2006-10-28 03:34:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why did the Blonde go to Rome?

2006-10-28 03:19:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Guy ritchie said "That's the last time I give madge my mastercard and tell her to go and buy herself a little black number!

2006-10-28 03:09:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-28 02:59:06 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house.
After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.

Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away.

"There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."

"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."

"What about your husband? asked the model.

"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris.

"Good," said the model. "Now that that's been settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight."

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair.

The model noticed Doris' staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes.

Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her.

"It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself."

The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her.

Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.

Later Fred returned and they retired to bed.

"Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred. "Yes, he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?"

"Just to show you the difference," answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen me millions of times."

"Yes, said Fred, I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't."

2006-10-28 02:58:38 · 12 answers · asked by Kamlesh 2

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.



2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.



4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.



5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.



6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.



7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.



8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.



9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.



10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.



11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.



12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.



13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.



14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.



15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that when you die, your Soul flies

Up onto the roof and gets stuck there.



16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

2006-10-28 02:53:19 · 5 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

I'm going to put this out as a question on Yahoo Answers, but I wanted to share it with you guys first.
Last night, I dreamed I was in a graveyard. It was what I have heard called a 'three dog night', you know, blustery.
For some strange reason I was raking leaves. Not that they didn't need raked, of course.
When suddenly behind me was the skeleton of my own dead mother!
Mama's skeleton told me, "Not to come."
But it was the black cat at my heels that scared me half to death. You see, I'm allergic to cats.
Mama's skeleton told me again, "Not to come."
That's what Mama's skeleton kept telling me.
Daddy in his crypt behind her said, "That's no way to have fun, son!"
But I couldn't stop raking those leaves. And that darn cat wouldn't leave me alone!

2006-10-28 02:34:31 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

paddy says, hey murph! look at that dead seagull, murph looks up to the sky, and says, where???

2006-10-28 02:33:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

this particular night i see black
the damn colour
i see it in the wind
painting my world black


yesterday.just the day before
i dint miss the colour
it was...yellow.so bright
flowing with the wind
makin life so golden.


the day b4 yest.was great
it was like a day id seen b4
it came with a deja vu
it made me feel as royal as i am
as royal as i was meant 2 always feel
that wind was purple


the other day ...that day
i stood out looking at nothing
nothing but the wind
the colours which no one could see
except one who felt like me.
and deep in there
i saw grey
it made me low as ash


but tomorrow,as i stared at the wind
i saw green.
i saw the hope in green
all waiting to bloom
and though i saw green
he dint let me touch him
he said
be wise,be patient
because even if im green
next tomorrow might be black
but my child,when you are wise
you would know
even if next tomorrow is black
the wind always blows with a green tomorrow.

2006-10-28 02:26:16 · 7 answers · asked by shesinluvv 1

Or the product of a sick mind?

You know those 6' tall inflatable globes? Like, a pumpkin with bats 'flying' around inside?

I came up with this: Combine that design with the old joke "What's red and white and goes 100 MPH? - A baby in a blender!"

Will I get rich, or sued?

2006-10-28 02:22:08 · 7 answers · asked by a kinder, gentler me 7

I'm making halloween decorations....I have 'Here lies one Hugh Jass' and 'Amanda Huggenkis' (thankyou Simpsons) but that's all I've got - I'm too busy to think of more.

Any suggestions?

2006-10-28 02:18:19 · 11 answers · asked by a kinder, gentler me 7

with the room that you stare at

2006-10-28 02:17:34 · 19 answers · asked by scousey1505 1

A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.
She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes to, he asks, "What the heck was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse just phoned."

2006-10-28 02:02:12 · 13 answers · asked by Pd 6

Gotta back up your answer this time hehe. Love to see the reasonings...

2006-10-28 02:01:47 · 20 answers · asked by NightSlayer 3

a blonde and a brunette are walking by a florist, the brunette sees her husband buying a bunch of flowers, she says "oh no, he always has 'expectations' of me after buying me flowers, and i don't fancy spending the next 3 days on my back with my legs in the air"
the blonde says..." *blank* "

2006-10-28 01:36:11 · 32 answers · asked by Kelly 5

2006-10-28 01:33:28 · 10 answers · asked by pinal s 1