Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

How much dirt is in a hole that is 3 ft deep, and 6 inches in diameter?

2006-10-28 06:58:11 · 14 answers · asked by Just_Here_3 aNSWER 1

A little boy asks his mother for a bike for Christmas, and she tells him to write a letter to Santa.
So he starts it:
Dear Santa,
I want a bike for Christmas,I've been a good boy.

he knows this is not true so he tries again.

Dear Santa,
I want a bike for Christmas, I've tried to be a good boy,

He knows this is not the truth either, so he asks his mom if he can goto the church, when he returns he races to his room with a statue of the Virgin Mary hidden in his coat.
He sits down and writes a new letter,
Dear Jesus,
I got your mama, if you want want her back get me a bike for christmas.

2006-10-28 06:57:31 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

where he saw a sign on the escalator.....dogs must be carried on this escalator
paddy then spent the next two hours looking for a dog.

2006-10-28 06:53:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.

Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is
waiting for him.
"I'm not sure what to do," says the devil.

"You're on my list but I have no room for you. You
definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad
as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their
place.
I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he
agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard
Nixon and a large pool of water.

He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think
I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony
Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer time after time.

"No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be
in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." Commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw
Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a
while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free
to go!"

2006-10-28 06:53:24 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-28 06:50:34 · 25 answers · asked by Bruza 17/uk 3

Is these 2 jokes funny?

Is these 2 jokes funny?

1. a man is buying a large bag of dog food nuggets when a women behind him asks if he has a dog.
MAN: no, im on the dog- food nugget diet. you just load your pockets with nuggets and eat them when you just get peckish. since they are nutritionally complete and perfect healthy, ive dicided to try it again although i propably shouldn't. because last time i ended up in hostpital after losing three stone and woke up in intesive care
WOMEN: but surely thats a terrible idea the dog food must have poisoned you
MAN: no i was just sitting in the middle of the road licking my balls when a car hit me



2. bill 80 is in hostpital talking to the doctor and saying ''oh yeah god loves me he fixed my eye sight so i can see and he said every time i go to the bathroom at the night the light turns on by itself and turns of
the doctor told his wife about this and she said oh no hes been pising in the fridge again

2006-10-28 06:48:46 · 10 answers · asked by chij onpala 1

GO ON MAKE ME LAuGH !! I have one.

Hide on a shelf and when people walk past jump out and scream " BUY ME BUY ME"

2) Stand at the door in a rain coat and offer little children candy.
3) Take a manakin and scream " mommy what have they done to you And cry !
4) Go up to the manager crying. say " I thought we had something special. Slap him round the face and leave. no-one will shop there any more! If you make me laugh you get best answere !

2006-10-28 06:43:27 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

The owner says unfortunately that's not possible due to an arrangement I have with the bank. What arrangement is that, asks the man. The chip shop owner says, I don't lend money and they don't sell fish and chips.

2006-10-28 06:37:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Baptist decides to go to a racetrack just to watch the horses run. He wasn't going to bet on anything; he was there for the fanfare. However, he noticed a priest by the track blessing a particular horse. This horse goes on to win that particular race.

Again, he sees a priest by the racetrack blessing a horse who also goes on to win his race. This repeats itself a few more times.

The Baptist thought "Aww, what the heck" as he sees another horse being blessed and put all of his money from his wallet on that particular horse. However, after the start of the race, the horse runs halfway around the track, collapses, and dies. Stunned and angry, the Baptist marches down to the racetrack to meet with the priest.

"You were blessing all those horses, weren't you?" he asked.

"Yes," replied the priest.

"Then why did that particular horse die on the track?"

"If you were Catholic," said the priest, "you would've known the difference between a blessing and LAST RITES!"

2006-10-28 06:35:05 · 8 answers · asked by chrstnwrtr 7

It has 7 letters
Greater than god
Meaner than the devil
Poor people have it
Wealthy people need it
If u eat it for a long period of time u will die

What is it

2006-10-28 06:34:56 · 13 answers · asked by Just_Here_3 aNSWER 1

Alive without breath,
as cold as death,
never thirsty, ever drinkng,
when tired, never winking. what is it?

2006-10-28 06:32:39 · 9 answers · asked by sweet143 2

it's funny look it up... on urbandictionary.com

2006-10-28 06:24:27 · 4 answers · asked by fersitf 4

A BLACK MAN WALKS INTO A CAFE EARLY ONE MORNING AND NOTICES HE'S THE ONLY ONE THERE

AS HE SAT DOWN HE NOTICED A WHITE MAN SAT BEHIND HIM, THE WHITE MAN SAID "COLOURED PEOPLE ARN'T ALLOWED IN HERE" .

THE BLACK MAN REPLIED...

"WHEN I WAS BORN I WAS BLACK

WHEN I GREW UP I WAS BLACK

WHEN I'M SICK I'M BLACK

WHEN I GO IN THE SUN I'M BLACK

WHEN I'M COLD I'M BLACK

AND WHEN I DIE I'M BLACK.

BUT YOU SIR...

WHEN YOU WERE BORN YOU WERE PINK

WHEN YOUR'E SICK YOUR'E GREEN

WHEN YOU STAY IN THE SUN YOUR'E RED

WHEN YOUR'E COLD YOU TURN BLUE

AND WHEN YOU DIE YOU TURN "PURPLE."

"AND YET YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME COLOURED"

THE BLACK MAN TURNED BACK AROUND AND THE WHITE MAN WALKED AWAY.

2006-10-28 06:20:37 · 28 answers · asked by Bruza 17/uk 3

1, the yolk of an egg is white ........or
2, the yolk of an egg are white

2006-10-28 06:19:14 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-28 06:07:59 · 28 answers · asked by Bruza 17/uk 3

Ok try and figure this one out without a calaculator. You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus; In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

2006-10-28 06:00:53 · 20 answers · asked by Anime Junkie 3

2006-10-28 06:00:20 · 21 answers · asked by Bruza 17/uk 3

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.

The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" He said that she had.

With a clever grin, she said, "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."

2006-10-28 05:50:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Long legs,
Crooked thighs,
Wee body ,
No eyes.

2006-10-28 05:48:55 · 24 answers · asked by Mags 3

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived in Las Vegas and bet twenty-thousand dollars
($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES!
I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

2006-10-28 05:39:32 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.
"Can you guess what it is?"

"I don't know," said the boy.

"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."

The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of ***."

2006-10-28 05:33:17 · 13 answers · asked by Kamlesh 2

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.''

2006-10-28 05:19:33 · 19 answers · asked by Kamlesh 2

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

2006-10-28 05:18:31 · 20 answers · asked by Kamlesh 2

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

2006-10-28 05:17:27 · 15 answers · asked by Kamlesh 2

2006-10-28 05:14:49 · 1 answers · asked by bluenose 4

2006-10-28 05:14:19 · 11 answers · asked by Angela Rose 1

2006-10-28 05:13:06 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why did God give women arms?
Do you have any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?


A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city.
Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train".
"Poor dear," Mum said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."

2006-10-28 05:09:02 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

My sister is a pain in the *** and i want to get her back. Got any good mean nasty pranks???

2006-10-28 05:07:29 · 16 answers · asked by xxgymnast_with_an_attitudexx3 2

2006-10-28 05:05:45 · 10 answers · asked by sexypatriot6767 1