this particular night i see black
the damn colour
i see it in the wind
painting my world black
yesterday.just the day before
i dint miss the colour
it was...yellow.so bright
flowing with the wind
makin life so golden.
the day b4 yest.was great
it was like a day id seen b4
it came with a deja vu
it made me feel as royal as i am
as royal as i was meant 2 always feel
that wind was purple
the other day ...that day
i stood out looking at nothing
nothing but the wind
the colours which no one could see
except one who felt like me.
and deep in there
i saw grey
it made me low as ash
but tomorrow,as i stared at the wind
i saw green.
i saw the hope in green
all waiting to bloom
and though i saw green
he dint let me touch him
he said
be wise,be patient
because even if im green
next tomorrow might be black
but my child,when you are wise
you would know
even if next tomorrow is black
the wind always blows with a green tomorrow.
2006-10-28 02:26:16 · 7 answers · asked by shesinluvv 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Just one of those same stories.
2006-10-28 02:28:58 · answer #1 · answered by notProudatAll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it was "alright".
But the "redundancy" can be annoying.
i.e. "black" in first,then "before" in second stanza,green,green,green,-towards the end.
Perhaps rhyming @ least SOME of the words,& not overly-using the same words will keep the reader entertained?
2006-10-28 02:55:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you put some serious thought in that. Seems like you are connecting with God & he is telling you that take one day at a time,and always look ahead.
2006-10-28 02:55:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tired Old Man 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has a nice meaning. But maybe you should re -word it a little bit .
2006-10-28 02:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by andia2amat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i liked it ok....it does make sense....you may be down one day but the day will come when you will be up again....but i do not think you are a expert poem writer but keep working on it...
2006-10-28 02:31:54 · answer #5 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like most of it, except the 3rd stanza...maybe rewrite than one?
2006-10-28 02:29:54 · answer #6 · answered by Tari 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok.....but you have to rhyme some of the words!!!
2006-10-28 02:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by Adele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋