Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

this is a riddle I made up

2006-09-26 16:24:39 · 25 answers · asked by christina s 2

2006-09-26 16:08:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent.

Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult.

Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed.

The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.

Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door. "KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!"

Husband: "Guess who?"

Wife: "I know who it is!"

Husband:"Guess what I want?"

Wife: "I know what you want!"

Husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?"

2006-09-26 15:53:46 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

if yes what do you do?

2006-09-26 15:52:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree.

After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

2006-09-26 15:51:45 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

because everytime she opens her legs he see's bush!!!

2006-09-26 15:50:50 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

2006-09-26 15:43:34 · 21 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Uhmm..This is a homework question that I need help with but I thought it would make a good riddle
How could you use two photographs taken at different times to prove the the moon is in motion?
But I do seriously need help on this question =D So help me out guys!

2006-09-26 15:41:41 · 4 answers · asked by Some one Special 3

the other day i was tellin a friend that i'd like to have my own resturant som day , you know like a breakfast and lunch dinner .
to wich she responded "What would you call it?"
i thought fo a second and said "The Old Cadilac"
"why would you call it a stupid name like that "she asked me looking rather puzzled.
I answered "because no one would eat at a joint called the pukeing goat"
wich left her rather confused

unfortunately the whole story is true

2006-09-26 15:30:53 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

do you think i've just answered my own question??

2006-09-26 15:24:29 · 22 answers · asked by boo 1

2006-09-26 15:24:29 · 7 answers · asked by lessia1212 2

y doesnt mexico have the olympics?????




cuz every 1 who can run jump and swim is already in the united states!!!!!

2006-09-26 15:11:41 · 14 answers · asked by rhapmaster 1

what goes in long and hard and comes out soft and wet?
















chewing gum
(bet you had your mind in the gutter didn't ya?)

2006-09-26 15:07:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

take the f out of way

2006-09-26 14:54:11 · 11 answers · asked by sugar_pop_01@yahoo.com 2

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy- age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whom you hate," Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

The most caring child- The winner was a four-year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

2006-09-26 14:52:17 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

man and wife are playing golf when her shot flys throught the window of a house. when they get to the house the door is open and a voice says come in. when they enter a man is sitting in a chair near a broken vase. he says are u the people who broke my window they both say yes. he says im a genie that your ball released from the vase you have one wish i get one wish. ok said the couple, we want one million a month for the rest of our lives. done said the genie. now my wish is to make love to your wife i have been in that vase for a thousand yrs. well honey the man says he did give us all that money. so they agree. after they have sex for 2 hrs the genie rolls over to the mans wife and asks. how old r u and your husband? 35 she replies... wow said the genie 35 and u still believe in genies......

2006-09-26 14:50:28 · 11 answers · asked by jimmy b 1

My name isn't work
But I come before play
I come after the stone,
That grapples for pay.

I know there are good riddlers out there that are smarter than me...HELP!!!!

2006-09-26 14:35:31 · 10 answers · asked by nesmith52 5

he who run behind get exhausted

2006-09-26 14:34:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.....
And well worth the wait?

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

(Oh this is GOOD!!)?

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch........"

2006-09-26 14:30:52 · 12 answers · asked by babyblue 2

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.

2006-09-26 14:25:20 · 12 answers · asked by bugguy 2

lets hear some funny jokes or one liners...nothing too too long please

2006-09-26 14:10:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.endofworld.net/

2006-09-26 14:03:21 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

a mailman has to hand deliver a package. he sees a girl playing in front of the house he has to deliver the package to. he asks her if her mom is home, she says yes. so he goes up to the house and rings the doorbell and waits...for hours. at the end the mailman asks the girl 'i thought u sed that yur mom was home' and the mother is home. wut happend? (note:the mother is home and wide awake)

2006-09-26 14:02:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

if a farmer who wants to take a bag of wheat,a goat and a wolf across a river and the boat is made for two,how does he get them over?(the wolf can eat the goat and the goat can eat the wheat)

2006-09-26 13:59:26 · 8 answers · asked by Ariana A 1

Check out this link, and it will answer that question for good

http://www.endofworld.net/

2006-09-26 13:55:50 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-26 13:54:59 · 13 answers · asked by kerri 3

what gets wetter and wetter as it dries

i know easy one

2006-09-26 13:54:18 · 20 answers · asked by Ananymos 3

you can pass me, share me and i have members of the royal family in my group. what am i?

2006-09-26 13:39:38 · 16 answers · asked by kerri 3

2006-09-26 13:34:15 · 9 answers · asked by kerri 3

2006-09-26 13:32:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous