Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

2006-09-26 08:50:29 · 5 answers · asked by bwaaaare 3

2006-09-26 08:22:21 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

It took me less than 20 seconds to type this inane question.
Can you beat that?
\ \_(o o)_/ /

2006-09-26 08:11:51 · 21 answers · asked by Grown Man 5

2006-09-26 07:57:18 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

why when u cought u say excuse me
when u sneeze u say bless me
when u burp u say pardon me
but when u fart u laugh ?

2006-09-26 07:56:12 · 17 answers · asked by Geo78 1

Why did the postman put hellokitty stickers on all the envelopes?

2006-09-26 07:48:28 · 17 answers · asked by April Ann Codon Cruz 2

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as
fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"



As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and
fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her
dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running
again. As she ran she once again began to pray,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late... But
please don't shove me either!"

2006-09-26 07:44:44 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-26 07:44:10 · 6 answers · asked by ToeKnee 1

?????????

2006-09-26 07:42:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a group of brunettes sitting at the bottom and a group of blondes sitting upstairs.All the brunettes were chating and having a laugh,when one brunette realised the blondes were very guiet.The brunette goes upstairs and see's all the blondes frozen with fear and clutching the seat in front of them.The brunette asks one of the blondes whats wrong, and the blonde answers........?FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WINS 10 POINTS!!!

2006-09-26 07:32:17 · 19 answers · asked by Nemo <3 3

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent upon some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
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She got up, unplugged my PC, and threw out my beer. . .

2006-09-26 07:29:55 · 15 answers · asked by FaerieWhings 7

2006-09-26 07:29:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

2006-09-26 07:24:50 · 18 answers · asked by Sophie 3

Ok, i think its rubbish, but also quite funny.
What do you think?

2006-09-26 07:17:56 · 27 answers · asked by blackdoves_x 1

What is it?

2006-09-26 07:14:30 · 4 answers · asked by X factor 2

There was this old man who always came in a horse to a local bar and asked for a strong drink. Every day the bartender asked: same as yesterday?, old man says: Stronger!!!

Than when on for a while until one day the bartender was in a bad mood. So the bartenders asks: you want it stronger right??

Old man: Stronger!!!!

OK... so he poors the ussual and sticks in a bullet on the glass. The old man, drunk already, drinks it as if noting was diffrent and leaves the bar.

Next day he comes and the bartender asks: Stronger???

Old man say NO!!! SOFTER!!!....

Bartender: SOFTER???? WHY??!!!

CUS I BLEW A FART AND I KILLED THE HORSE!!!!!!

2006-09-26 07:14:00 · 9 answers · asked by Ricky 2

2006-09-26 07:10:32 · 12 answers · asked by paul u2 1

Can someone give me examples on a limerick for my grandfather's (Pop-Pop) 75th Birthday?

2006-09-26 07:00:53 · 4 answers · asked by kristinaanneblack 2

a man was @ home watching TV & eating pnuts
He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
n the middle of catching 1, his wife asked a question, n as he turned to answer her, a pnut fell in his ear.
He tried to dig it out but only pushed it in deeper.
He called his wife for help, and after hours of trying they bcame worried and decided to call 911.
As they got ready to call, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, the daughter's date said he could get the pnut out.
The young man told her dad to sit down, then shoved 2 fingers up her dad's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the pnut flew out.
mom and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to dad & asked
what do u think he will b when he grows up?

2006-09-26 06:57:06 · 14 answers · asked by His 5

My wife tells me whe are short for the rent this month and I cant buy a pack of beer. So I agree.

Next thing I see she buys a make-up kit with a bunch of lipsticks.

I Say: You said we were short, what are you doing?

She says: I needed this so that i can look beautifull for YOU!!

I said: WHAT DID YOU THINK THE BEER WAS FOR?????

2006-09-26 06:41:45 · 13 answers · asked by Ricky 2

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Bush is one

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it?

2006-09-26 06:35:59 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

I would like to know the rest of this phrase. " I put him in the bath tub, to teach him how to swim, he drank up all the water, and ate up all the soap........................?

2006-09-26 06:33:56 · 3 answers · asked by SHAMROCK 1

This ship is on its journey when one of the sailors yells: Pirates!!!!

The captain says: Bring me my red shirt!! Lets battle!!

So they battle for 3 hours and they win the fight. Later on the evening they are drinking an celebrating when one of the salors asked: Captain, why did you ask for the red shirt?

Captain: Because if i get wounded, you guys can't see the blood and will continue battling.

Ohhh .... I see what a brave captain we have.!!!!

The next day a sailor screams: Pirates!! Seven Pirate ships!!! Captain, what should we do???

Captain: BRING ME MY BROWN PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-26 06:31:41 · 10 answers · asked by Ricky 2

can I help you pack your ****!

2006-09-26 06:00:03 · 15 answers · asked by ABC 3

One night after his evening service, a priest decided to take a walk. A wrong turn led him into the red light district. On the first corner, he saw a hooker dressed in a halter and hot pants leaning against a lamppost. Seeing the fallen woman, the priest went up and said, "My dear, I have spent my nights praying for you."
"No need to do that, Father," the hooker said. "I'm here every night. You can have me any time you want."

2006-09-26 05:54:45 · 10 answers · asked by Pd 6

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says "I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?"
She agrees and a date is made.
The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.
He is stunned. "What was that for?" he asked.
She said "I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said 'Not well suited to bedding but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall.'"

2006-09-26 05:36:37 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-09-26 05:32:27 · 15 answers · asked by forcejustify 1

and looks up and says, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?" The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says:

"Holy Shiiiiiiiiiiit duuude ...how much water did you drink?!!"

2006-09-26 05:30:14 · 15 answers · asked by FaerieWhings 7

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "You do, Daddy!"

2006-09-26 05:06:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-26 05:05:38 · 11 answers · asked by joe 1