Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" said the genie.
"You're a housewife."

2006-09-26 05:02:04 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-26 04:48:52 · 30 answers · asked by Bowie 1

A police officer pulled over a red
Porsche after it had run a stop sign, "May I see your driver's license
and registration please?"

"What's the problem, officer?" snapped the motorist.

"Your just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."

"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me," countered the driver.

"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop,
look both ways, and proceed with caution."

"You gotta be kidding me!" barked the offender.

"It's no joke, sir."

"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within
twenty miles, and proceeded with caution," argued the driver.

"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a
complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..."

"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL!" interrupted the
belligerent motorist. "What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?"

"Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and
registration immediately!"

"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down,
and coming to a complete stop."

The police officer had enough, "Sir, I can do better than that." He
opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded
to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick. "Now sir,
would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"

2006-09-26 04:27:51 · 17 answers · asked by butterfly 5

A Columbia Doctor's secretary called an old farmer
and said: "Your check came back."
The old man replied, "So did my arthritis." :):)

2006-09-26 04:25:32 · 13 answers · asked by butterfly 5

This is a silly joke. I herd it and thought it was cute.

A scientist finally succeeded in cloning himself, but all his clone
would do was sit around and spew out cuss words. After a week of
this, the scientist finally got fed up and pushed his clone out of the
10th-story office window.

A short time later there was a knock on his office door. The scientist
opened the door to find a policeman who said, "I'm going to have to
arrest you for making an obscene clone fall."

2006-09-26 04:23:59 · 18 answers · asked by butterfly 5

if you had to make the choice what would it be?

2006-09-26 04:22:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Be imaginative (10p)

2006-09-26 04:21:14 · 4 answers · asked by My-la 1

2006-09-26 04:19:54 · 1 answers · asked by tweetysangel210 1

i need to kno some funny jokes so i can tell them to people and make fun of them

2006-09-26 04:18:57 · 6 answers · asked by Rashod G 1

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.

"Well," replied the man, "When we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!"

2006-09-26 04:10:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

twenty dollar bill a certain way and see what looked like the twin buildings being destroyed? And that 9+11 equaled 20? Also, when the bill was still folded the airlines were matched up? Who the hell thought of this?

2006-09-26 03:59:15 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

as far as my RSVP is concerned

2006-09-26 03:55:57 · 4 answers · asked by Mets00 3

Draw this.
You've got 6 boxes, 2 rows of 3 on top of each other. The top 3 are house's 1, 2 and 3, and the bottom 3 are gas electric and water. Each house has to be connected to each utility by a seperate drawn line. You Cannot cross over lines. So at the end each box will have 3 lines coming out of it. Step by step for answers

2006-09-26 03:54:56 · 10 answers · asked by missnufc1610 1

2006-09-26 03:49:55 · 7 answers · asked by tom m 1

2006-09-26 03:49:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

My cousin who is a hedgehog like me got run over by a steam roller the other day.

So I went to visit him in hospital he was in ward 4 in beds 12,13,14 and 15?

2006-09-26 03:48:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me some more of the words that annoy you when people say them wrong!

2006-09-26 03:48:13 · 11 answers · asked by Nickname 3

I have yet to see her but I keep hearing that she is out there!

2006-09-26 03:46:47 · 17 answers · asked by Nickname 3

2006-09-26 03:45:59 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous

Note: By saying that I am dumb or my question is dumb you admit to being my best friend in the whole world and when I read your insult I will only see, " You are my best friend in the entire world ilovecoffeex12!"

2006-09-26 03:45:46 · 6 answers · asked by Nickname 3

2006-09-26 03:39:53 · 17 answers · asked by lovekissdale 1

i'm not having a good day so far...anybody got someting funny to brighten up my day..Thanks.

2006-09-26 03:33:38 · 15 answers · asked by sweetangel1328 3

U r welcome to bask in my glory.

2006-09-26 03:23:15 · 22 answers · asked by vishal 1

2006-09-26 03:21:51 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

As I'm a Scottish hedgehog here is a Scottish joke.

A pretty American lady on holiday in Scotland said to a man wearing a kilt,"I've often wondered what you have under your kilt"

He replied "I'm a man of few words. Give me your hand"


"Yes" hedgehogs go commando as well. that's why we curl up in a ball from noisy Americans.

Terrified Hedgehog!

2006-09-26 03:16:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

The circus has arrived in town, and the lion tamer is about to finish his act. There is a large roll of the drums and he get's one of his lions to open it's mouth. Then the tamer put his manhood in it's mouth and starts to close the lions mouth. As the lions about to eat it he put it away at lightening speed and the crowd goes wild.

The ringmaster arrives, and as a bet asks anyone "Who will do the same trick for £500". No reply's "Who will do it for £1000" No reply's "Okay then £5000" And from the back of the stalls this small bloke comes down to the ring.

The ringmaster is frightened he will lose his money, so he say's to him "Do you have any last second thoughts about doing this"

The small bloke say's "Well, yes"

The ringmaster asks "What is it" ?

The bloke say's " I don't know if I can open my mouth as much as the lion did"

2006-09-26 03:10:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

When she bent over rover took over and gave her a bone of his own. Do you think she planned it the whole time??

2006-09-26 03:07:34 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-26 02:58:34 · 16 answers · asked by Mr. Owl 3

Two old folks meet at a bar and decide to go to her place. She starts undressing and when she takes her bra off, the guy sees her long and dangling, disfigured boobs. She continues to undress. As they're heading toward the bed, she tells him to "be careful because I have acute angina". He responds, "I sure hope so, because you've sure got the ugliest boobs I've ever seen!"

2006-09-26 02:52:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Local owner of supermaket was arrested by police for performing oral sex on a woman at 11pm in his store behind closed doors.

At court the judge said there was no case and let him off.

The reason why ? Quite easy, he held a late licker licence?

2006-09-26 02:47:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous