Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Tarzan in a boiler suit!

Rate 1-10!

2006-09-26 13:29:26 · 12 answers · asked by zd_sr1 2

A girl challenge me to solve this riddle, and then she will wear it..... please help me!

2006-09-26 13:29:08 · 10 answers · asked by salgameo 1

John can build a fence in 2 days; Bill can build the same fence in 5 days. If john and Bill worked together, how long would it take them to build the fence?

2006-09-26 13:28:03 · 34 answers · asked by ♥ 3

A young man is visiting his grandfather in hospital. "Well grandad are they looking after you here?"
"Oh yes," he says.
"Is the food ok?" says the granson. "Oh yes, it's fine," says the old man.
"And are you sleeping well?" says the youngster.
"Yes, no problem. They give me a mug of cocoa and a viagra tablet and I'm asleep in no time."
"A viagra tablet!!" says the grandson, "Why do they give you that?"
"Dunno, says the grandfather," must be part of the medication."
So the grandson goes out to the head nurse and says, "Can you please give me a plausible explanation as to why my grandfather has a viagra tablet at night?"
So she says, "Well it stops him rolling out of bed at night."

2006-09-26 12:58:43 · 15 answers · asked by brainyandy 6

Who knows really funny dumb blonde jokes? Heres one,

A dumb blonde and a redhead are watching the 9:00 news. On the news someone is going to be suicide by jumping off a bridge. The dumb blone makes a $50 bet that the man won't jump, the redhead agrees. They keep watching and the man jumps. the redhead feels bad about taking the money. "well a bet is a bet." the blonde said. "besides I already saw this on the 6:00 news."
" Then why did you do the bet if you already knew he was going to jump?" asked the redhead.
" I didn't think he would do it a second time."

2006-09-26 12:53:38 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked if
it was
>dead or alive.
>
>"Dead," she was informed.
>
>"How do you know?", she asked.
>
>"Because I pissed in his ear and it didn't move," said the child
innocently.
>
>"You did WHAT?!?", the teacher squealed in surprise.
>
>"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'pssst' and he
>didn't move."

2006-09-26 12:46:29 · 9 answers · asked by Missbribri 5

A man goes to see a psychiatrist and explains that his brother thinks that he's an orange.

The psychiatrist says to him" is it not your brother that should be here", to which the man replied"I have him here in my pocket".

Rate this joke: some think it's halarious, 1-10.

2006-09-26 12:34:01 · 25 answers · asked by zd_sr1 2

You can unscrew one.

2006-09-26 12:29:33 · 20 answers · asked by Bella Donna 5

2006-09-26 12:29:11 · 7 answers · asked by KARYN K 1

.
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.
.
.
.
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TWO... Getting them in the light bulb is the hard part!

(Alternative answers welcome)

2006-09-26 12:20:38 · 25 answers · asked by â?¥MissMayâ?¥ 4

.... during the day do they fly towards the sun??

And yes i know they are nocturnel but what if there are insomniac moths out there???!

This question was brought to me by my sister in law and it got me thinking! LOL

2006-09-26 12:18:38 · 6 answers · asked by **ELLE** 3

2006-09-26 12:08:36 · 18 answers · asked by jim 2

There is a word in the english language with 9 letters. If you remove a letter, the remaining letters still make an english word. This continues all the way down to a 1 letter word. What is the 9 letter word and, what are the words made after removing 1 letter?

2006-09-26 12:00:31 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-26 11:59:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Doctor says to his patient "I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you and some worse news for you." Patient says, "Ok, give it to me."

So the doctor says, "I'm afraid you have Alzheimers Disease and you also have AIDS."

So the patient says, "Well at least I haven't got Alzheimers Disease!"

2006-09-26 11:58:34 · 15 answers · asked by brainyandy 6

2006-09-26 11:48:27 · 9 answers · asked by adorehandel 2

What is the largest amount of money in coins, you can have, without being able to make exact change for a $1.00 bill?

2006-09-26 11:44:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

You have 10 bags. Each bag has ten coins. One of the ten bags is full of counterfit coins. Real coins weigh 10 grams and counterfit coins weigh 9 grams. If you can use a scale only one time how can you determine which bag has the counterfit coins?

First to get it right gets the 10 points!

2006-09-26 11:42:22 · 6 answers · asked by Mariko 4

http://www.miniclip.com/games/hexxagon/en/

2006-09-26 11:40:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

It had a hair in it's hole!

2006-09-26 11:37:54 · 8 answers · asked by adorehandel 2

"IHOP"......LOL...ha....ha......oh.....I just made that up and did NOT see it on TV last nite...I don't care what you say.........

2006-09-26 11:27:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

you walk into a dark hallway. all of the sudden to men grab you and put their hands over your mouth. you fight but dont succeed. they bring you to a closet, and sit you on a chair. one of them duct tapes you to the chair. then they take off one of your socks and stuff in in your mouth. then they tape your mouth. the only noise that you can get through the gag is a hardly audible mmmppphhh! Then they leave you to die. how do you escape. dou you remove the gag first? if so how? Do you use the foot that is bare to untie yourself? good luck

2006-09-26 11:27:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blonde stopped at a coke machine and put in a dollar. when a coke came out she put it on top of the machine. she then put another dollar in the machine and got another coke, and put it also on top. she did this about ten times, then a man behind her said, 'do you mind if i put my dollar in and get one?'
the blonde replied, 'yes I do mind-cant you see, I'M WINNING

2006-09-26 11:26:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-26 11:24:42 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

a guy was riding his motorcycle when the van in front of him slammed on his brakes and stopped the buy on the bike hit him and flew over the top of the van and landed on the antena and it went right threw him. well when he got to the er the dr. said it was the worst case of VANarial disease he ever saw.

2006-09-26 11:22:50 · 10 answers · asked by mommy_dearest 2

At the beach. a bell rings, a woman dies. What happened?






Tell u the answer when i choose best answer.

2006-09-26 11:18:23 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Up into the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it's the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do.


Extra credit for naming the moose.

2006-09-26 11:11:53 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blonde was coming home from work. as she turned into her street she noticed smoke coming out of her house. she started yelling 'fire! fire! my place is on fire, come quick!'
then she called the fire department. she said, my house is on fire, my house is on fire, come quick.' the guy asked her how to get there and she said, ‘in you big red truck, of course!’

2006-09-26 11:00:58 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

count the fs in the following text

FINISH FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.



HOW MANY FS.

2006-09-26 10:58:52 · 29 answers · asked by chris w. 7

A gezzer goe's to the Doc's to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".

" What does that mean" says the gezzer.
" It means you'll be dead in 3 days" says the Doc

So he goes home and tells his mum " I've got HIV 556 I'll be dead in 3 days". She says " Well, come down the bingo hall with me tonight.

"THE BINGO HALL !!!
THE BINGO HALL I'll be dead in 3 days whats the point?"
"Just come down anyway she says". So he goes to the bingo.

He won everything, 4 corners, any line, full house.
Up comes the National Grid, he won £87k.

The bingo caller said " Son I've never seen someone so luck in my life !"

"LUCKY !" he said
"LUCKY. What do you mean lucky I've got HIV 556".


" F**K ME !! You've won the raffel aswell !! "

2006-09-26 10:53:01 · 14 answers · asked by Geo78 1