Jokes & Riddles (Entertainment & Music) - September 2006

10 ⤊

Some Good Blonde Jokes?

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ And one

blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida

or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,

"What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do

that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he

could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your

act together Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect

me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde

on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You

ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body

hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The

redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she

pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;

likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a

redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde" "I thought so,"

the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman sped up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing

at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was

knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,

the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL

OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We

were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You

can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the

dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a

vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked

her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named

Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone

naming dogs like that?" HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch

dogs!"

2006-09-27 06:30:39 · 15 answers · asked by flicflac 3

0 ⤊

my fav blonde joke...?

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop, where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"

2006-09-27 06:29:55 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

5 ⤊

Is this a stupid limerick?

There was a young lady from Kent
Who thought that her fellow was bent
She said with a sigh, as a tear left her eye
It's the worst 50 quid I have spent

2006-09-27 06:22:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

6 ⤊

What's a good, witty reply to someone who says- "You're messin' with the wrong guy"?

2006-09-27 06:00:34 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 ⤊

ive heard he is getting fired this week?

2006-09-27 05:35:48 · 34 answers · asked by spens dad! 2

6 ⤊

Why does somebody love to lick sweaty stinky feet ?

I cant believe it...

2006-09-27 05:34:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 ⤊

Finish this Blonde Joke...?

A) BLONDE INVENTIONS - Give 3

B)A Blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her 'What's wrong?? Why are you crying??'. She replies 'I just found out that my mom passed away'. The Boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying histerically. He asks again 'Why are you crying??'

Why was she crying???

2006-09-27 05:32:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

4 ⤊

Boyfriend, Grandpa and Rover?

On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is changing upstairs. The boyfriend is waiting in the living room with the girlfriend's granpa and her dog Rover.
As the girlfriend is getting ready the boyfriend says to himself, ''Man I really gotta fart, I think I will let a little out.'' So he does and the granpa yells ''ROVER!''

The boy thinks to himself, ''All right, now he thinks it's the dog. I think I will let a little more out.'' So he does and the granpa yells again, ''ROVER!''

The boyfriend says to himself, ''All right, now he really thinks it's the dog. I think I will let the rest out.''

So he lets it rip and the granpa yells, ''Rover, get over here before that guy poops on you!''

2006-09-27 05:18:10 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

5 ⤊

The Facts of Life!!!!!!!?

A man walking his son in the park one day came upon two dogs humpin' The son turns to his dad and asks, “Dad what are those dogs doing?” The dad says, “Son I'm about to teach you a very important thing about life, what them dogs are doing is…”
The father can't do it. He thinks of all the questions his son will have. He tries again, “Son them two dogs are…” He stops again and decides to wait until the boy is older.

“Son, you see that dog on top, well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home.” The son turns to his father and says, “You're right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn.” The dad asks, “Do you know why that is, son?”

The son replies, “Because every time you try to help someone out you always get screwed.”

2006-09-27 05:11:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 ⤊

try this out?

A young couple was making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly the girl yelled, "Whip me. Whip me!"

The guy, eager to please, obviously didn't have a whip, but, in a flash of inspiration, opened his window, snapped the radio antenna off his van, and they shared it until they both collapsed in sadomasochistic ecstasy.

A week later, the girl noticed that the marks left by their lovemaking session were starting to fester, so she asked her doctor to check them out.

The doctor took one look and asked, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

Embarrassed, she admitted that she did.

The doctor nodded. "I thought so. In all my years of doctoring ... this is the worst case of Van Aerial Disease I've ever seen!"

2006-09-27 05:06:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 ⤊

j f m a m j j a s ???? What are the next 3 letters in the Sequence?

2006-09-27 05:06:09 · 3 answers · asked by rhijoa 2

16 ⤊

I Nearly Pis**ed Myself......!!!!!?

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night having a good time, Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink. As he served the drink Bob spoke up.
"Hey Jack, you're a betting kinda man aren't ya?"

"Maybe Bob, what did ya have in mind?"

"Well Jack, I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of your bar and piss into it without spilling a drop."

Jack thought to himself, "This guy must be a complete moron! There's no way he is gonna make that. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made." So the bartender says, "Okay Bob. You're on."

Jack walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end. He walked back behind the bar and said, "Okay Bob, Let's see what you got." Bob unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Jack. Jack roared with laughter and almost fell over.

Afterwards he noticed that Bob was sitting at the bar smiling. "What are you smiling at jackass? You just lost $1,000!"

"Well Jack, ya see that guy over there in the cowboy hat writing out a check?"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Well I just bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls AND you, and not only wouldn't you be mad...you would laugh hysterically about it."

2006-09-27 05:05:40 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

5 ⤊

Toilet-Bathtub Conversation????

What did the Bathtub say to the Toilet Bowl?
I may not get as much *** as you do, but I don''t take no sh*t.

2006-09-27 05:02:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

0 ⤊

What's the difference between plagiarism and plagiarism?

2006-09-27 04:53:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 ⤊

What did the duck say to the other duck?

You quack me up :-) hehehe lmao

2006-09-27 04:52:17 · 19 answers · asked by ? 1

6 ⤊

A riddle with no answser...?

A man wakes up in the middle of the night.
He goes downstairs to the kitchen to get a drink.
He returns upstairs to his bedroom, turns of the light and goes back to sleep.

In the morning he wakes up and looks out the window.

When he realises what he has done he can not live with himself and hurls himself from the window to his certain death.

What happened?

2006-09-27 04:50:30 · 24 answers · asked by â?¥MissMayâ?¥ 4

0 ⤊

know any good seafood jokes?

2006-09-27 04:48:38 · 5 answers · asked by kelly 3

10 ⤊

would you like to laugh?

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly ***** he's runnin' around with."

2006-09-27 04:43:50 · 22 answers · asked by g-man 3

3 ⤊

what did the chicken say to the other chicken ?

beak you their! lol does this question make any sence to you ? why? or why not?

2006-09-27 04:42:58 · 7 answers · asked by dude 5

14 ⤊

Ladies do you agree men are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicap?

or are they like lava lamp fun to look at but not very bright

2006-09-27 04:34:04 · 15 answers · asked by teresa d 4

7 ⤊

This is so FUNNY that it will boggle your mind. Can you do this?

You will keep trying this at least 50 or more times to see if you can outsmart your foot.
1. While sitting in a chair, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!

Cool, right?

2006-09-27 04:32:07 · 19 answers · asked by Steve B 3

0 ⤊