Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

i wanna laugh anyone can give me reall really funny jokes????

2006-09-27 14:39:37 · 6 answers · asked by ♥still luvin u♥ 2

i need good simile for someone who is speechless

2006-09-27 14:37:07 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

knock on the door

2006-09-27 14:33:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jokes that make me mad......;

Did you know that Steve irwins wife is sueing Coppertone?
Thats because he got killed by dangerous "rays"

Steve Irwin died like he wanted to,with "animals" in his heart!!!!

These jokes arent verry funny and they are disrespectfull to Terri Irwin!

2006-09-27 14:23:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

2006-09-27 14:23:09 · 11 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

If a chicken and a half, could lay and egg and a half, in a day and a half,....... How long would it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle??

2006-09-27 14:20:29 · 20 answers · asked by cabletwuck 2

beer is good
beer's the best
ill take a beer
over all the rest
it goes with pretzels
it goes with sports
i like to drink it in my shorts
so take your champaine
and get out of here
cause nothing beats
and ice cold beer
by Peewee

2006-09-27 13:36:38 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ham sandwich - $2.oo
Hand job -$5.00

He goes to the counter and asks the waitress.
"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
She says"Yes I am sweetie."
He says"I just wanted to be sure, now wash your hands and make me a sandwich"

2006-09-27 13:30:34 · 6 answers · asked by al p 3

2006-09-27 13:27:59 · 6 answers · asked by bwaaaare 3

Is it...

"The yolk of an egg ARE white"

or

"The yolk of an egg IS white"?

2006-09-27 13:26:37 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm just sharing jokes like every one else. Don't be such neg. fuddy duddys. I'm sure SOMEONE thinks they are funny. If you don't like them don't be mean. No one likes a hateful person.

2006-09-27 13:23:29 · 9 answers · asked by magan 2

2006-09-27 13:23:00 · 9 answers · asked by lawlady 2

2006-09-27 13:20:41 · 19 answers · asked by Polo 7

How do you make a kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

Ha ha

2006-09-27 13:18:02 · 11 answers · asked by magan 2

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?" "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying "You've Got Mail."

2006-09-27 13:17:48 · 11 answers · asked by bugguy 2

A bartender points a gun at a person's face.The person says thanx.The bartender puts the gun down.Why?

2006-09-27 13:17:04 · 11 answers · asked by justine c 2

What was he?




a pad

2006-09-27 13:14:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

2006-09-27 13:05:14 · 18 answers · asked by The Dazzler 3

You tell me one??



Kermit the frogs finger!

2006-09-27 13:00:01 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-27 12:59:46 · 20 answers · asked by Deb002 1

2006-09-27 12:56:33 · 15 answers · asked by Deb002 1

If you were to put a coin into an empty bottle and then insert a cork in the bottle's opening, how could you remove the coin without taking out the cork or breaking the bottle?

2006-09-27 12:49:50 · 8 answers · asked by The Dazzler 3

2006-09-27 12:38:44 · 6 answers · asked by Cheyenne 1

The flight was coming into Dallas when a combination of mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to start plummeting to the ground!

The pilot feverishly worked his controls, and finally, the engines roared back to life in time to prevent the plane from going splat on the ground!

As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 midgets shakily get off the plane.

Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline came up to congratulate him on his perseverance under extreme odds.

As the official and the pilot were talking, the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets on the flight.

"Those weren't midgets," the pilot replied. "Those were Texans with all the crap scared out of them!"

2006-09-27 12:35:11 · 9 answers · asked by Woody 3

(a man waits for his doctor to come in)
(doc walks in)
Well Mr. Smith, You Know that saying
"what happens in vegas, stays in vegas?
well its not true for you,......


you have herpes...

2006-09-27 12:30:28 · 11 answers · asked by avenizzle777™ 2

You are in a cold house in the winter. It is dark. You have one match. There is a candle and there is a wood burning stove. Which do you light first?

2006-09-27 12:27:02 · 17 answers · asked by The Dazzler 3

A man is holding a baby and is playing with it.....
he accidently dropped him (not injuring it)...
he picks him back up and says IM SO SORRY!! r u ok?
a guy whos been watching walks by and says
"ha ha, three second rule!! now you have to throw it away!!"

2006-09-27 12:22:21 · 8 answers · asked by avenizzle777™ 2

mine was when my family and me went to the beach and we decided to feed the seagulls with pieces of bread and stuff suddenly plop!!!! bird poop all over my face ... i started screaming , everyone around just looked at me like i was hystrical, or crazy ... and the wrost part was that we didnt have anything to clean with except BREAD, and that's what we did!!!!!

2006-09-27 12:20:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

who here knows the groosome origons of the scarecrow

2006-09-27 12:09:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

one day a blond was on her way to houston and she has sat in some guys 1st class seat and she wasnt so the guy went and told the flight attend and the flight attended said mam your going to have to move she said im blond, im perfect, and nothings going to make me move. Well the had gotten security gaurd and said mam your going to have to move she said im blond, im perfect and nothings going to make me move, the pilot had asked the co-piloit if the could leave yet and the co-piolit said theres a women in a mans seat and wont move. So the co-piolot gos to the women and says your going to have to move and she said im blond, im perfect and nothings going to make me move. Well the co-piolit gos back and says she wont move so the piliot gos and trys to make her move and eh whispers in her ear and she move.the piliot goes back and syas all right were ready the co-piliot goes how did you do that he goes i live with an blonde i no what to do i just whispered 1st class dsoent go to houston!!

2006-09-27 12:07:11 · 13 answers · asked by david cook lover!! 2