Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

okay you need to gag someone but don't have any duct tape or cloth. The person is wearing socks but has smelly feet. how do you gag him?

2006-09-27 12:02:04 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-27 11:51:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

put your sliva on it...
rub a little
put it inside

2006-09-27 11:41:54 · 17 answers · asked by sighspy 3

I need cheering up today guys tell me some funny stories..

here`s one of mine...i was in traffic and i could see this man ..he was quiet large ... he was running along the pavement in a bit of a hurry .. anyway he fall over this black rubbish bag...he gets up keeps running.. he keeps looking behind him ..i dont know why at this point.. then all of a sudden bang!!.... he runs straight into another man and knocks him flying.. he stumbles gives the guy a little.. iam sorry.. and keeps on running he was getting faster and faster still looking behind him then bang straight into a lamp post .. he was sparko..then i realized why he was running.. it was to catch a bus that was stuck in traffic..........lollol need i say i was crying with laughter i had to pull over to pee then i saw all the other drivers killing themselfs laughing.......anyway i found this really funny...........

2006-09-27 11:37:39 · 19 answers · asked by chelsea 2

2006-09-27 11:36:08 · 13 answers · asked by MJ 3

Normal.

2006-09-27 11:26:49 · 11 answers · asked by Sally Pepsi 4

There's a hammer lodged in the monitor.

2006-09-27 11:26:11 · 12 answers · asked by Sally Pepsi 4

a woman is pregnant with triplets, two girls, one boy. at a gas station robbery, she is shot 3 times in the stomach, hitting each of the babies. when she goes to the doctor, he says the babies should be able to grow and function without removing the bullets(the surgery would be fatal).

16 years later....

daughter #1: (bursts into the mothers room crying) mommee, mommee, i was taking a pee and this bullet came out.

mom: its okay. (tells her what happened)

(a week later)

daughter #2: (bursts into her mothers room crying) mommee, mommee, i was taking a pee and this bullet came out.

mom: its okay. (tells her what happened)



(a week later)

son: (bursts into his mothers room crying harder than the girls) mommee, mommee-----

mom: i know baby, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?

son: NO!!! i was jacking off and i shot our dog!!!!



hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah


what do you think?

2006-09-27 11:23:30 · 10 answers · asked by peanut 2

a woman is pregnant with triplets, two girls, one boy. at a gas station robbery, she is shot 3 times in the stomach, hitting each of the babies. when she goes to the doctor, he says the babies should be able to grow and function without removing the bullets(the surgery would be fatal).

16 years later....

daughter #1: (bursts into the mothers room crying) mommee, mommee, i was taking a pee and this bullet came out.

mom: its okay. (tells her what happened)

(a week later)

daughter #2: (bursts into her mothers room crying) mommee, mommee, i was taking a pee and this bullet came out.

mom: its okay. (tells her what happened)



(a week later)

son: (bursts into his mothers room crying harder than the girls) mommee, mommee-----

mom: i know baby, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?

son: NO!!! i was jacking off and i shot our dog!!!!



hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah


what do you think?

2006-09-27 11:23:04 · 8 answers · asked by peanut 2

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

2006-09-27 11:21:19 · 3 answers · asked by Sally Pepsi 4

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when
we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with a watery eyes in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:

"And Tigger?".................

2006-09-27 11:17:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jesus had a cholesterol problem and when ever the apostles saw him they would say,"Jesus is coming. Hide the eggs."

2006-09-27 11:15:15 · 4 answers · asked by al p 3

If you beat your fish, it'll die....

2006-09-27 11:14:51 · 15 answers · asked by StarLight_Supernova 2

u may only use odd numbers. and may have the same number more than once. can u help me?

2006-09-27 11:09:17 · 10 answers · asked by familyguyfr3ak 2

like in thats so raven

2006-09-27 11:00:40 · 16 answers · asked by ElizaG 2

read the freakinf additional details please, the last group didnt.. :-)

see link
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjJX.s_PRz8aGHOuTajd8K3sy6IX?qid=20060927140941AAQwLwi

2006-09-27 10:42:50 · 8 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

2006-09-27 10:41:20 · 11 answers · asked by Taylor 1

They come across a house and knock on the door. A catholic priest answers and welcomes the boys in.
At the door he asks them all a question.
To the 1st boy. ''Tell me sonny what faith have you?'
'Father I'm a good Catholic boy.'
'Wonderful, wonderful' say's the Priest, 'Go and stand by the fire.'
He ask the same to the 2nd boy.
'I too am a good catholic boy Father.'
So the Priest who is pleased sends him to get warm by the fire.
The same question to the 3rd boy.
'Baptist Father' responds the chilly chap.
'Well you can stand by the door then can't ya' say's the Priest.
Then back to the first boy he asks what a good catholic boy dreams?
'Of the Holy Father the Pope.'
'Bless you son, bless you.'
The same to the 2nd,
'Of the Holy Mother Mary.
'Bless you son, bless you. What about you?' he asks the 3rd boy.
'Hell Father'
'Really, I'm not suprised. And what's hell like?'
'Its like this room there is a big fire but I can't get to it for all the catholics.'

2006-09-27 10:33:24 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-27 10:31:50 · 11 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

There once was a leader named Scott,

2006-09-27 10:24:41 · 17 answers · asked by Kevin C 2

to illustrate my point, see this one I just posted.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AueQ.fRGEHKtSPX2Fm9nlHTsy6IX?qid=20060927140941AAQwLwi

2006-09-27 10:23:13 · 9 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

I explain things over and over, but nothing ever sticks.

2006-09-27 10:18:19 · 7 answers · asked by turtle girl 7

(1)a magician was boasting one day at how long he could hold his breath under water.his record was 6 minutes. a kid that was listening said,"thats nothing i can stay underwater for 10 minutes using no equipment or air pockets!" the magician told the kid if he could do that,he'd give him $10,000.the kid did it and won the money.can you figure out how??


(2)a woman has 7 children, half of them are boys.how can this be possible?

2006-09-27 10:12:23 · 18 answers · asked by liju v 2

They ahd just had a converstion about Adam and Eve taking the forbidden fruit.

Aborigine: If I was Adam I wouldn't have eaten the fruit.

Christian: Why do you say that?

Aborigine: I would have eaten the snake instead.

2006-09-27 10:12:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

no spelling errors exist,

2006-09-27 10:09:41 · 26 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

Answer this and i convince you that you will get 2 points.
There is a word in the English language in which the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four signify a great man, and the whole word, a great woman. What is the word?

2006-09-27 10:09:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-27 10:01:58 · 9 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

THE FIRST passenger says:
"Ik am Ronaldo, the best football player in the world. The football world needs me, and I cannot die on my fans."
He grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane.

THE SECOND passenger, Hillary Clinton, says:
“I am the wife of the former president of the United States; I am the senator of New York and I have a good chance of being president of the United States in the future.“
SHE GRABS a parachute and jumps off the plane.

THE THIRD passenger, George W. Bush, says:
“I am the president of the United States of America. I have huge responsibilities in the world. Besides, I am the smartest president in the history of my country and can‘t shun the responsibility to my people by dying.“
HE GRABS a pack and jumps off the plane.

THE FOURTH passenger, the Pope, says to THE FIFTH passenger, a young school boy:
"I am old. I have lived my life as a good person and a priest should and so I shall leave the last parachute to you; you have the rest of your life ahead of you."
To this the little boy says:
“Don‘t fret old man…..
There is a parachute for each of us!

The SMARTest president of America took my schoolbag....."
The moral of this story….
Each country gets the president it deserves.
Oh God…. Can‘t this idiot just shut up!?

2006-09-27 09:54:36 · 20 answers · asked by sandolina 2

It was the pair on the ground

2006-09-27 09:54:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

BUT no one makes it in BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL IN THE PARKING LOT CHECKING THEIR CARS. hee I have OCD and thought that was really funny.

2006-09-27 09:48:41 · 3 answers · asked by sweet pea 3