Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-23 04:03:40 · 15 answers · asked by bertleeboy 2

they both feel great but for fcuk sake dont look down!!!!!!!!

2006-08-23 04:03:03 · 10 answers · asked by nicola 3

a quarter pounder with cheese!!!!!!

2006-08-23 03:57:05 · 14 answers · asked by nicola 3

2006-08-23 03:47:26 · 22 answers · asked by Augusta E 1

2006-08-23 03:46:55 · 6 answers · asked by laughsall 4

2006-08-23 03:45:30 · 7 answers · asked by Augusta E 1

2006-08-23 03:42:25 · 39 answers · asked by Ahmed Yar K 2

The one who sales it does'nt use it,
The one buy's it does'nt need it,
The one who's using it does'nt know he's using it?
WHAT IS IT?

2006-08-23 03:39:50 · 6 answers · asked by sash 1

Just bored so make my day, the best gets you know what!!!

2006-08-23 03:28:46 · 11 answers · asked by pedlamaniacs 2

An elderly lady in Florida did her shopping and, upon returning to
Her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bag into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white,
less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a
large handgun. No charges were filed. If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one.

2006-08-23 03:28:06 · 7 answers · asked by c h u r r o 3

someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl &
Gomer, were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl
said,

"Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said,

"Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought
Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said,

"Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said,

"No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said,

"Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.

Every time we went to town, folks would say,

"Here comes Bubba with them two assholes".

2006-08-23 03:18:36 · 17 answers · asked by Sherry Baby ( Ethan's Mama ) 6

not got a question just want random facts or summat funny please!!

2006-08-23 03:12:28 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any joke.
The voters will decide who will get the 10 points.
Thanks for trying...

2006-08-23 02:44:53 · 14 answers · asked by celia3018 3

A drunken man was standing on the corner of his house, seeing double, wobbling all over the place, couldn't stand up straight with his keys in his hand. A cop passes by and says to him, "Hey what you doing there?" The drunk says "I'm waiting for my house to pass by".

2006-08-23 02:43:52 · 12 answers · asked by lady love 2

2006-08-23 02:33:02 · 10 answers · asked by chimsty94 1

In sluggish stream I flowed from rifted rocks,
As flames broke up the stones, and fire applied
The unleashed ardour of the furnace-heat;
My form capacious now is clear as ice.
Yea, many long to hold me in their hand,
Fingering my slippery shape in dainty grasp;
But I befool their minds, and while I lay
Sweet kisses on their lips that press me close,
And urge their tottering footsteps to a fall.

2006-08-23 02:31:54 · 5 answers · asked by Darren D 1

5 + 5 + 1 = 546

2006-08-23 02:22:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Given that:

a + b = 12
c + d = 7
b-c = 2
a-d = 3

Find (a-b) + (c - d).

2006-08-23 02:17:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you think of this joke, I found it on a website, I thought it was pretty damn funny.

Now There's Proof!
USA, Palo Alto, CA (AP)
Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer
and observed that 100% of them gained weight,
talked excessively without making sense,
became emotional, and couldn't drive for sh-it.

No further testing is planned.

2006-08-23 01:56:39 · 9 answers · asked by Enterrador 2

...with wings.And cats evolved to the point of developing wings so they could chase these flying rats.What would these cats be called?





And where would you put the litter box?

2006-08-23 01:46:05 · 11 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

Is it true that a BAT is a RAT with Wings.....Does that make it an ANGEL MOUSE ????

2006-08-23 01:20:54 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

teacher said write a short story in as few of words as possible...
but the story has to have
1 mystery...
2 religion...
3 sexuality...

.
and the winner is???

.
good God, i'm pregnant, and i wonder who's the daddy?

2006-08-23 01:17:57 · 12 answers · asked by dwh 3

I got alot of humour and I wanna trade my jokes. Am in Kenya in a town called Eldoret.

2006-08-23 01:08:44 · 11 answers · asked by Martin M 1

2006-08-23 00:40:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

Hobbies ain't any fun until they become a freaking full blown obsession!

WHITE WOMEN  

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.  
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.  
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.  

IRISH WOMEN  

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.  
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.  
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.  

ITALIAN WOMEN  

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.  
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.  
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.  
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.  
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.  

JEWISH WOMEN  

First Date: You get dynamite head.  
Second Date: You get more great head.  
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.  

CHINESE WOMEN  

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.  
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.  
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.  

INDIAN WOMEN  

First date: Meet her parents.  
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.  
Third date: Wedding night.  

BLACK WOMEN  

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.  
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.  
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.  
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.  

MEXICAN WOMEN  

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.  

The POINT?  

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?  

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-23 00:39:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

(1) Isn't it strange how a 1 doller note seems like such a large amount when
you donate it to temple, but
such a small amount
when you go shopping?
(2) Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when
you're at Church, and how
short they seem when you're
watching a good movie?
(3) Isn't it strange that you can't
find a word to say when
you're praying,
but you have no trouble
thinking what to talk about
with a friend?
(4) Isn't it strange how difficult
and boring it is to read
one chapter
of the Bible/Bhagwad Gita, but how easy
it is to read 100 pages of
a popular novel ?

2006-08-23 00:29:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

1.
Different lights do make me strange,
Into different sizes I will change.
What am I?

2.
I am one simple word, but I mean different things.
One of my meanings brings great forceful swings,
The other of me has nice curves, like the first...
But only one meaning can help quench a thirst.
One of my meanings will often bring cheers,
Either of them could hold a few beers.

What am I?

3.

Foward I am heavy, but backward I am not.

What am I?

4.

I start with the letter e,
I end with the letter e.
I contain only one letter,
Yet I am not the letter e!
What am I?

5.

Tell me now, if you can,
Who is that highly favored man,
Who though he has married many a wife,
May still be single all his life?

6.

I have holes on the top and bottom.
I have holes on my left and on my right.
And I have holes in the middle, yet I still hold water.
What am I?

7.

Three eyes I have, all in a row; when the red one opens, all freeze. What am I?

2006-08-23 00:28:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-23 00:23:13 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 - american slang for babies
2 - major rodent worry for Elton John and others

2006-08-23 00:21:35 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,"

said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?!" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well actually I don't," said the student,

"but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

2006-08-22 23:59:05 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous