2006-08-23 04:03:40 · 15 answers · asked by bertleeboy 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
These three guys are out having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish. Now, one of these guys just doesn't believe it.
?OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.?
?Done.? Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly ? and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q. All of a sudden, the guy starts to spout the solutions to mathematical problems that have stymied chemists, physicists and mathematicians since the beginning of time. The last guy is so impressed that he asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid looks at him, very concerned.
?I don't normally try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I'd really wish you'd reconsider.?
?No way. I want you to quintuple my I.Q., and if you don't, I won't set you free.?
?Please,? says the mermaid, ?you don't know what you're asking... it will change your entire view of the universe...won't you ask for something else...10 million dollars, anything?? But the man remains steadfast. The mermaid sighs and says, ?Done!? And he becomes a woman.
2006-08-23 04:13:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears to be in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace.
Victoria admiringly watching her husband.
After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop.
Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horses neck.
David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups.
As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness.
Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!
Hearing her screams, the Tesco Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse
2006-08-23 11:06:46 · answer #2 · answered by IrishLassie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
***********************
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese
sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
***********************
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
**********************
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
**********************
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
2006-08-23 17:55:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No... the joke goes
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9
2006-08-23 11:14:27 · answer #4 · answered by Bellshk 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q: What do you call a pakistani lesbian?
A: Min Jeeta
(curls up and laughs) - That joke just does me everytime!! Im really crap at them, but I never forget that one!! And I still laugh before I say the answer.
Sad, I know!!
2006-08-23 11:09:01 · answer #5 · answered by Moi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When lenny missed the 44 bus he took the 22 twice
2006-08-23 13:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by Amber 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well there is a Scotsman, an Englishman,and a Irishman ETC
2006-08-25 18:51:13 · answer #7 · answered by ME666ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whats nine inches with an arrow thru it?
Custers last stand
2006-08-24 05:36:07 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why was 6 afraid of 7.............
Because 7 8 9.
2006-08-23 11:09:01 · answer #9 · answered by suggs1985 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do women like circumcised men?
Because they can't resist anything with 10% off.
2006-08-23 11:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋