Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

She went to the doctor and it turned out to be a Milk Dud. :0)

2006-08-29 05:59:24 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

If
I have 2 cups....and I take one away...how many cups do I have left

2006-08-29 05:54:32 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have to give myself credit on this one. I worked with a kid that was overweight, sloppy, and always wore dirty clothes. His last name was Champy, so I replaced his first name............................................ DUMPSTER CHAMPY!!!!!!! That has to be the funniest!!! :O

2006-08-29 05:47:53 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-29 05:47:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Not including "Yo Mamma" or "Dead Baby" jokes. They aren't funny by any definition of the word.

2006-08-29 05:41:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are stuck in a room with no windows or doors. a solid room. Only things that are in this room are a mirror and a table. how do you escape?

2006-08-29 05:33:36 · 30 answers · asked by Me 2

:D yeah but there's no winner :/

2006-08-29 05:30:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-29 05:21:23 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do u make the black hearts? i cant figure out how 2 do it. (sorry its in the wrong catagorie. i didnt know where 2 put it)

2006-08-29 05:08:27 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

My first name has 5 letters, my last name has 6.
I can do amazing things that people cannot believe or explain.
My body has been put through torture, and put out for all to see.
I have been burried for days, but still rose alive.
There are those that believe in my "powers", and there are those who don't.

Who am I?

hint: my initals are NOT J.C.

2006-08-29 05:07:18 · 12 answers · asked by clone1973 5

three nuns get killed in a car crash. they arrive at peter at the gates of heaven. peter tells them that they have to each get a question right to test their faith to enter heaven.so he asks first nun who was the first woman? nun says well thats an easy one it was eve.peter say correct, your in. next nun he asks what was the name of the garden adam and eve were in? second nun says oh thats an easy one, garden of eden. peter says correct, your in.He says to third nun im going to make this a more difficult one as u were a mother superior in life, and asks what did eve say to adam the first time she saw him?. nun thinks and says mmmmm thats a hard one. peter says correct, your in.

2006-08-29 04:58:59 · 23 answers · asked by custodian_bat 1

I amm just two and two. I am hot. I am cold. I am the parent of numbers thta cannot be told. I am a gift beyond measure, a matter of course. I am given with pleasure when taken by force. What am I?

2006-08-29 04:52:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

You get many of me, but never enough. After the last one, your life soon will snuff. You may have one of me but one day a year, when the last one is gone, your life dissapear. What am I?

2006-08-29 04:48:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

Take away the right to say "f@ck" and you take away the right to say, "F@ck the government." ---Lenny Bruce (1925-1966) American comic Or F@ck AOL! -- By Willy

Top 10 things a woman would do if she woke up with a penis for a day By Willy

1. Immediately call Martha Stewart to ask if it's normal, to be so small (having only seen them erect), to bend left or right, and to recommend a penis implant doctor.

2. Hang up the phone when she discovers by playing with it; it's starting to grow.

3. Discover the joy of peeing standing up; even if a little drips on ya shoes.

4. Discover her Thongs, G-string and even panties arent enough to cover it.

5. Also find out her slinky butt-hugging jeans, that fit so nicely, ain't got room.

6. Go shopping, to buy boxers and regular jeans, find there's a shoe sale at the mall...

7. Become VERY Popular with her lesbian girlfriends.

8. Bust a nut, and fall asleep, get woken up by a g/f slapping it saying where do the batteries go?

9. Sit around and watch porn while stroking the lil fella.

10. Forget all about that damned G-spot!!!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblu...

2006-08-29 04:44:23 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

you see an elephant on a fence and he asks you what time it is. what time is it?

2006-08-29 04:34:32 · 26 answers · asked by Puddles 3

Any rhymes that r made up, including ur own..........

2006-08-29 04:29:09 · 8 answers · asked by lara---croft.bebo.com 1

anarchy rules
thank god I’m an atheist
this page intentionally left blank
act naturally
airline food
computer security
constant change
construction worker
define maybe
diet ice cream
exact estimate
found missing
fresh frozen
good grief
graduate student
great Britain
half dead
happily married
huge market niche
journalistic integrity
living dead
married life
mature student
Microsoft works
plastic glasses
pretty ugly
private email
public school education
rap music
religious science
resident alien
safe sex
same difference
second best
sensitive male
silent scream
smart bomb
tax return
uncontested divorce

2006-08-29 04:23:26 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

terabachroniogionabecoltorshororganisms

2006-08-29 04:23:09 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Use my following simple guide the next time you're having some communication problems. Listed below are some common phrases with the "real" translations below.

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We're gonna make fun of you and your friends.

I hope this helps!

2006-08-29 04:19:23 · 6 answers · asked by ? 6

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by
her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too,
I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren

2006-08-29 04:12:57 · 7 answers · asked by JUNONNKI 3

I have discovered the 7 basic "unwritten rules" that will change your life forever. Once you master these simple rules - you will have your man eating out of the palm of your hand. Here goes:

Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 4 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both.

Rule # 5 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 6 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 7 When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

2006-08-29 04:06:06 · 5 answers · asked by ? 6

Elephant was walking by a fellow in the nude. And he looks down and say's " That's cute but how do you eat buns with it"


Hi to markhatter from Scotland, like the hat!

2006-08-29 04:02:41 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

For me British humor is very ironic.You are left to somewhat fill in the gaps yourself,which I find amusing.Whereas American humour is very visual and in-your-face.Both are very valid forms and both are funny.But which do you prefer?

2006-08-29 03:45:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

The local zoo's Ape died so they advertised for someone to dress up as him for a week so they could get a replacement. So this broke starts on the following Monday in his ape outfit and starts to stroll all over his cage. After four days he is getting bored and he decides to swing on an old tyre in the middle of the cage. So he takes a run towards it with all the children watching him outside however as he's about to grab the tyre he slips and falls forward, and lands in the lions cage next door. Where he starts to cry "Oh my god, Oh,my god" Where apon the lion say's "Shut it, do you want us to both get sacked"

2006-08-29 03:44:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-29 03:43:51 · 17 answers · asked by 2BaD4u 4

NEW COMPANY POLICIES: SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE

we will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. if you are able to go to a doctor, you are able to come to work

surgery=operations are now banned. as long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. you should not consider removing anything. we hired you intact. to have something removed constitutes a breach of employment

your own death=this will be accepted as an excuse. however, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement

bathroom use=entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. in the future, we will follow the practice of gong in alphabetical order. for instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.10,employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.10 to 8.20 and so on. if you’re unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. in extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicle. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the cubicle door will open

2006-08-29 03:43:37 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

that really will make me laugh?

2006-08-29 03:23:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-29 03:23:10 · 2 answers · asked by madu 1

As from next Mondy Viagra is be called by it's new medical name. So if at the chemist please ask for Mycoxafloppin.

2006-08-29 03:20:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-29 03:16:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous