Who knows the best joke? **CONTEST**?

Question

:D yeah but there's no winner :/

NO DEAD BABIES YOU SICKOS!

Dirty jokes are fine.

Answer 1

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Joe mama!

Answer 2

RELIGIOUS NUTS

There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter



Walk the Walk

Why did the gypsy walk funny?
Because he had crystal balls.

Answer 3

There was a plane with the captain, a waitress, the smartest guy in the world, a dad and his kid with his backpack. The plane was about to crash sothe captain take a parasciute, and the smartest guy in the world says the world needs me and takes one too. The waitress says sorryand grabs one too. theres one parasciutte remaining and the dad says take the last one and the kid says there's 2 left the smartest guy in the world took my backpack!!

There's a guy that needs to lose weight so he go's to this place and it says $50 and you lose 10 pounds so he walks through the door and there's a girl with a bikini that had written if you get me i'm your's and he gets out and he weighs himselfand he lost 10 pounds so he goes to the second door $100 you lose 20 pounds so inside theres a topless girl with writtwen the same thing! he gets out and he lost 20 pounds! So he goes to the third door and it was $150 and you lose 30 pounds inside there was a guy with...........a huge dickthat said if i get you your mine!!! Please pick me as best answer!!!

Answer 4

A smart 5th grade student was pestered with so many questions by his class teacher. He answered them all. In turn, he wanted to ask the teacher a question. She asked him to go ahead. Well, the question goes like this. There were three girls in a park with ice creams in their hands. The first one was licking the ice cream at its tip. The second girl was sucking the ice cream half way thru. The third one was in fact gulping the entire ice cream in and out. The student asked the teacher which one of the girls is a married one. Blushingly enough, the teacher replied the third one who swallowed in and out.The student said "no ma'm, the one with the wedding ring on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Answer 5

ok, heres some: a little boy asks his mom 'mommy, can i take a shower with u?' the mom is like 'ok, just dont look up or down'. they get in the shower and the boy looks up and asks 'mommy wut r those?' he points 2 her boobs. the mom says 'those r my headlights' he looks down and asks 'mommy, wuts that?' 'thats ny garden' the mom says. 'ok' the boy says. a few days later, the boy asks 'daddy, can i take a shower with u?' the dad says 'ok, just dont look down.' they get in, and the boy looks down and asks 'daddy wuts that?' the dad says 'thats my snake' 'ok' the boy says. that night it wuz raining, and the boy says 'mommy, daddy, im scared. can i sleep with u?' they say 'ok, just dont look under the covers' the boy looks under and says 'quick! mommy! turn on ur headlights!!! daddys snake is ataking ur garden!'



theres a baby, santa clause, a smart blonde, and the easter bunny. they r all standing in a big circle. someone shouts "GO!!!" and they race to get to an object in the middle. Who gets there first???

the baby, because santa clause, the easter bunny, and smart blondes dont exist.

Answer 6

These two Irishmen walk out of a bar

Answer 7

There were two guys drinking in a bar, and one of them says to the other, Oh damn it's 2:00 in the morning, my wife is going to kill me. The other man says, "look don't worry, when you get home, start giving your wife oral sex." So the man went home, and as soon as he got there, he started giving his wife oral sex, but in the middle of it all, he had to use the bathroom. So he got up and went to the bathroom and as he walked in the bathroom, he saw his wife. He said, Honey! What are you doing here! She said, SSSHHH! My mom is sleeping in our room!

Answer 8

Three black ladies are on a plane. They're all wearing skirts.

The first black lady says, "I'm wearing bright green underwear!"
The other two say, "Girl! Why you wearing bright green underwear?"
The first lady responds, "Because if there is a crash, rescuers will see my underwear and come save me first."

The second black lady says, "I'm wearing bright orange underwear!"
The other two ask, "Girl! Why you wearing bright orange underwear?"
The second lady responds, "Because if there is a crash, rescuers will see my underwear and come save me first because orange is brighter than green."

The third black lady says, "Well I'm not wearing any underwear at all."
The other two reply, "Girl! Why ain't you wearing any underwear at all?!"
And the third black lady responds, "Because whenever there is a plane crash, the first thing they look for is the black box!"

Enjoy!