Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

tell me what u think of this one....

In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the Decca label.

Henry Buses had a hot hit titled, "Hot Lips." A lady heard the record on the radio and decided that she just had to have it.
She looked up the number for the record shop and called them.

Unfortunately, she misdialed and, instead of reaching the record store, she got "Hank's Auto Body."

She said, "Do you have 'Hot Lips' on a ten-inch Decca?"

Hank, who had answered the phone himself, said, "Well, uh, ma'am, no, but I do have hot nuts under a ten-inch pecker!"

A slight pause.

The lady said, "Is that a record?"

"I don't know, ma'am, but it's a damned good average."

2006-07-29 03:05:45 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

any1 ????

2006-07-29 03:05:30 · 14 answers · asked by Dreamzgurlz 2

One day little Johhny asked his mom why she got divorced.
She said "I'll tell you when you get older.

That day when the kid went to school he asked his teacher why his mom and dad got divorced.
She said, "Why don't you check your mommy's driver's license.

So that night the boy looked at his mom's license and in the morning he told his mom...
"I know why you and daddy got divorced, you got an F in SEX."

2006-07-29 02:56:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't freaking bother you for weeks!

A coal miner came down from the hills and walked into a bar. He ordered a drink and looked around seeing only men. He asked the bartender "Where are all the women at?"

"We don't have any here." came the reply.

"What do you all do for pleasure?" The miner asked.

"We do it with the animals."

Disgusted, the miner left and headed back to the hills.

Months later he returned to the establishment. After downing numerous whiskeys, he asked the bartender, "Y'all really do it to animals?"

"Yeah, we do," he insisted.

The drunken miner stepped outside and saw a pig run into the alley. He quickly ran and caught the sow by the hind legs and started screwing it.

Midway through, he realized the whole town was watching him in horror.

"My God!" the bartender yelled. "What're you doing?"

"You told me y'all did it with the animals here," the miner muttered.

"Yeah," the bartender replied, "but no one does the sheriffs girl!" Bwaaaa-ha-ha
-ha-ha-ha

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-29 02:50:41 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

for example...
yes, that dress does make u look fat
i made this bungee cord myself
I do.

2006-07-29 02:40:31 · 18 answers · asked by were making fiction of our lives 2

Well...the other day I was at the airport and I saw Bubbles and he told me to say "Hi".



How do you rate this off color joke?

2006-07-29 02:21:53 · 25 answers · asked by drewwers 3

V I R U E V S

2006-07-29 02:15:23 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

cartoon

2006-07-29 02:11:28 · 36 answers · asked by puppy 2

2006-07-29 02:08:34 · 11 answers · asked by ~♥vaginamonologue♥~ 4

2006-07-29 02:05:39 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were 11 people holding on a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and they all would die. No one could decide who should go - so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off".
After the really touching speech all of the blondes starting clapping.




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2006-07-29 01:55:20 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.




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2006-07-29 01:50:25 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

N I E I V D

2006-07-29 01:49:31 · 12 answers · asked by miracles 1

Because when she gets wet - she tends to drop to her knees.



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2006-07-29 01:49:13 · 3 answers · asked by ? 6

WAVE TO HER!




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2006-07-29 01:46:02 · 5 answers · asked by ? 6

A girl walks into the DMV to get her driving license and the guy dehimd the countour says " Where you here early today" she says " No" then he asks do you have a twin she say " No"

Clues
1.She was in the newapaper when she was born
2.She DOSN'T have a twin






Answer: She is a triplet.

2006-07-29 01:44:59 · 12 answers · asked by mocoacoa_is_hot 2

K A W A E

2006-07-29 01:42:17 · 9 answers · asked by miracles 1

2006-07-29 01:21:46 · 10 answers · asked by ravi_tarun_2006 1

this might be ur worst riddle but
what do u think might be beyond the bermuda triangle?
what do u think about the loch ness monster??

i would love to hear your religious point of view too.ppl who dont believe in God.there might be ur own way of explaining it!c'mon give it a go!

2006-07-29 01:01:21 · 21 answers · asked by kitty pride 3

What is your best "only fools and horses". mine is Miami twice.

2006-07-29 00:32:39 · 13 answers · asked by paula bi 1

I let a fart go just now at my desk, but I spat lots of mud in my underwear, and I cant leave my desk. My hole burns from the poo, what should I do?

2006-07-29 00:24:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full freaking view!- Murphy's Law!

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.

The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?"

The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.

"Oh my!" she cries: "What is that?"

"Well, darlin'," he says, "That's ma' rope!"

She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks.

"Honey, those're my knots!" he answers.

Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!"

Her husband, panting a little, asks: "What's the matter honey am I hurting you?"

"No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-29 00:19:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 23:39:02 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-28 23:24:31 · 12 answers · asked by I am your weakness! 2

IF A TREE FALLS IN A FOREST, AND IT HITS A MIME ARTIST, DOES ANYONE CARE??

2006-07-28 22:38:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 22:34:31 · 27 answers · asked by lance a boyle 1

This bear and this rabbit were talking.
The bear asked the rabbit, "Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit said, "No."

So the bear picked up the rabbit and used it to wipe his butt.

2006-07-28 22:14:22 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Buxom, matronly Paris Hilton has a kind of Uri Geller-style skill. If she rubs her breasts together, a ghost appears from her cleavage and does the dance of the seven onions on a tea towel before popping a sixpence in her hat.

2006-07-28 22:12:29 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Bermuda Triangle is in fact the shadow of a giant Dairylee.

2006-07-28 22:08:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

William Baldwin stays up all night counting his buttons.

2006-07-28 22:07:19 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous